shafty
3rd January 2008, 00:34
GOGAL and I are enjoying few weeks "house sitting" and cat minding for a Mate in Newcastle - works for us, free accommodation in beautiful house, use of the Mercedes etc................but talk about a bit of drama tonight - bloody funny looking back........................warning, swearing follows:
-Sitting in lounge, hear cat fight, GOGAL goes to investigate
-She screams, I race out there, Cat fight is INSIDE. GOGAL shits herself
-The offending cat is built like a pitbull terrior and shoots under lounge suite FUCK. We close "our" small cat in our bedroom upstairs
- Open plan house but open both front doors and get GOGAL to block hallway with big flattened cardboard box, I get broom and rark up cat
- It flies out, belts thru GOGAL's barricade, into laundry (with cat door, point of entry)
- We close Laundry door - great, it'll go out cat door.
- Cat is going BERSERK in laundry, can't get out cat door - prob too fuckin big for it
- Eventually laundry goes quiet, despite me rarking the door, phew, its gone
- I walk in laundry, saying Phew that was fuckin lucky - then pit bull cat BURSTS out of hiding (down side of washin machine) and races back into house thru GOGAL's legs I SHIT MYSELF, GOGAL shits herself again!
- We open laundry door wide and watch from garage (off laundry) thru 1 cm opening in door. Fuckin big BANG against the door we are holding open 1 cm, FUCK, Shafty shits himself again.
- Turns out laundry door blew slammed shut against said door. No sign of wild man eating cat (fuck thats a role reversal), so I go outside to look thru windows and locate cat to rark it up, no sign
- GOGAL volunteers Shafty to enter and search house. Shafty heads immediately for fridge, then searches house, upstairs and down. No sign. GOGAL enters house and spots Man Eating Pitbull cat in kitchen on top of wine rack above kitchen cupboards, FUCK.
- No firearms in house, so GOGAL barricades hall way, we open all doors from kitchen, Shafty puts on long pants, finishes beer in record time (actually the can imploded), takes photo of cat and bravely ventures forward................
- Shafty rarks wild man eating pitbull cat up, throwing small green tomatoes at it. Several direct hits, cat relocates along top of cupboards, Shafty hits kettle, it starts boiling and empty jam jar rolls off bench and smashes on tiles
- Several more direct hits and huge wild man eating pitbull cat falls to kitchen bench then leaps back up FUCK
- Outside to garden for more ammo, GOGAL "mans" barricade with cricket bat, sexism rules
- More direct hits dislodge crazed wild man eating pitbull cat, it tries to leap back up but blood curdling screams from Shafty disorient it and it hits the ground and then hits GOGALs barricade at 170 km/Hr. GOGAL shits AND pisses herself but ..........
- ..........She manages to rark the cat up with cricket bat and hissing (I think it was her) to cause it to 180 degree change in direction to Laundry, thru door and it clears the 6 foot fence in one bound
- Shafty and GOGAL head to fridge and celebrate bravery, victory and calm nerves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So much for a "alcohol free day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-Sitting in lounge, hear cat fight, GOGAL goes to investigate
-She screams, I race out there, Cat fight is INSIDE. GOGAL shits herself
-The offending cat is built like a pitbull terrior and shoots under lounge suite FUCK. We close "our" small cat in our bedroom upstairs
- Open plan house but open both front doors and get GOGAL to block hallway with big flattened cardboard box, I get broom and rark up cat
- It flies out, belts thru GOGAL's barricade, into laundry (with cat door, point of entry)
- We close Laundry door - great, it'll go out cat door.
- Cat is going BERSERK in laundry, can't get out cat door - prob too fuckin big for it
- Eventually laundry goes quiet, despite me rarking the door, phew, its gone
- I walk in laundry, saying Phew that was fuckin lucky - then pit bull cat BURSTS out of hiding (down side of washin machine) and races back into house thru GOGAL's legs I SHIT MYSELF, GOGAL shits herself again!
- We open laundry door wide and watch from garage (off laundry) thru 1 cm opening in door. Fuckin big BANG against the door we are holding open 1 cm, FUCK, Shafty shits himself again.
- Turns out laundry door blew slammed shut against said door. No sign of wild man eating cat (fuck thats a role reversal), so I go outside to look thru windows and locate cat to rark it up, no sign
- GOGAL volunteers Shafty to enter and search house. Shafty heads immediately for fridge, then searches house, upstairs and down. No sign. GOGAL enters house and spots Man Eating Pitbull cat in kitchen on top of wine rack above kitchen cupboards, FUCK.
- No firearms in house, so GOGAL barricades hall way, we open all doors from kitchen, Shafty puts on long pants, finishes beer in record time (actually the can imploded), takes photo of cat and bravely ventures forward................
- Shafty rarks wild man eating pitbull cat up, throwing small green tomatoes at it. Several direct hits, cat relocates along top of cupboards, Shafty hits kettle, it starts boiling and empty jam jar rolls off bench and smashes on tiles
- Several more direct hits and huge wild man eating pitbull cat falls to kitchen bench then leaps back up FUCK
- Outside to garden for more ammo, GOGAL "mans" barricade with cricket bat, sexism rules
- More direct hits dislodge crazed wild man eating pitbull cat, it tries to leap back up but blood curdling screams from Shafty disorient it and it hits the ground and then hits GOGALs barricade at 170 km/Hr. GOGAL shits AND pisses herself but ..........
- ..........She manages to rark the cat up with cricket bat and hissing (I think it was her) to cause it to 180 degree change in direction to Laundry, thru door and it clears the 6 foot fence in one bound
- Shafty and GOGAL head to fridge and celebrate bravery, victory and calm nerves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So much for a "alcohol free day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"