Log in

View Full Version : ah took the high road up Ben Cliffhanger



scracha
17th March 2008, 20:34
Wi aw them kiwi's rippin the pish oot oh me aboot no ridin fur months ah hud nae choice and went doon tae the wairarapa wi ma Italian beastie fur a wee burl up Ben Cliffhanger. Ah didnae ken aboot the mental speeds I wid be daen but cos oh ma hillbilly kiwi interweb ah didnae see the youtube video until aboot twa days a'fore the event.

Eftur bumpin intae a wee lassie ah kent frae Te Aroha at Hamilton Airport I caught the Air New Zealand Fokker biplane doon tae Wellywood. Man, it wiz gid tae see the place frae up there, aw the hills an' all. When the propellers slowed doon ah wiznae sure if the plane had skidz and wiz goannie land on the water but sure enough we bumped doon on a runway that wiz bumpetty enuf tae huv been made by Fulton Hogan's finest gadges.

Mr "Drew" Mair wiz guid enuff tae collect me frae the airport and eftur dining on some of Wellywood's finest cuisine with his lovely quine Vicky "Flame" we sauntered over tae his man auld Craig's hoose whereupon we chewed the fat whilst I demonstrated muh bike mechanical fixing skills. Ah wiz even introduced intae the sect oh the bogan (but fur obvious reasons ah cannie divulge aw the secrets).

Saturday morn and Simon, Drew and mah'sel sauntered roond tae collect the lovely Helen's. Fur a trained chef the daftie couldnae make us a coffee but all wiz furgiven when ah realised she'd be providing the stunt show oan a bike aboot 10 times mair powerful than a wee quine like her wiz used tae. Upon arriving at the Ben Cliffhanger fashionably late, in whit felt like a few seconds ah wiz oan mah bike and oot up the brae. Man it was a braw, bright day and luckily so fur the Ben wiz sae high it might huv dissapeared intae the clouds. Twa commutes up the ben later and ah decided ah hud mibby stop lookin at the scenery as ah could only manage 3.06m. Ah pulled ma socks up and wi a wee bit o' eggin oan frae Vicki managed a 2.45m. Muh italian beastie wiz huvin a bad day so ah took it easy oan the last jaunt.

Offski tae the campsite whereupon my sweaty baws wur cooled doon wi a wee dip in the local high heid yin's private burn. At least, it wiz his private burn until ah dived in tae join him. The local natives played their hillbilly music and ah hud a few rum's and ah wiz fu and mibby haverin oan a wee bit. Eftur the "scissor sisters" went in their tent, Helen's mannie Malcolm suggested I sleep in the traditional Kiwi "al fresco" style and indeed whit a braw moon licht nicht saturday wiz.

Sunday, efter washin ma face in the morning dew, the local chieftan (whit a top bloke even made us aw breakfast in the morning. Porridge next time laddie! Up the Brae again an' bein a dunderheid ah hud forgotten the road and efter lockin up mah beastie intae the cliffhanger and a long false neutral ah could only dae a 2.46. Wi aw the stones on the road ah missed the 2nd run in order tae put some mesh (thanks tae father o' the blonde viking Jay Lawrence) oan ma air inlets. The 3rd run it wiz rainin at the bottom of the ben but us Scots ayewiz like it drookit so ah took off guid style. Ah rode like a man possessed wi some spinnin and slidin and didnae back off oan the fast bits. Unfortunately mah beastie wiznae goin tae good and ah wiz fair scunnered tae only manage 2.45. A wee change of fuel leads and the 4th run wiz fast and smooth. Mah bike wiz still struggling to pull through 4th gear and 6th wiz only a dream so ah could only dae 2.44. Ah decided mah beastie wiznae in the mood tae catch Flame's beastie so ah put her back in her paddock. I'll mibby treat her tae a power commander as she didnae cut oot aw weekend.

Whit a crackin weekend and a tribute to the Wellington tribe are their brethern Cliffhanger organisers. Whit better way tae get back intae riding?


"chopper" Sloan - yer a fuckin radge gadge man and thanks tae you and yur missus for takin ma bubba bike and aw the $hite that goes wi it doon tae wellywood.
Simon "Limbtwin" - unicorn power is slowly but surely taking over ma timorous beasties. Mibby I'll get oot muh box brownie and show ye?
"Number one" Sherie - Man, whit a braw erse ye huv lassie. May ah be as bold as tae say it's brawer than Vickys?
"Quasievil" - Fur taking me back and listening tae aw the pish mr coo Poos an mah'sel wur spoutin'
Trudy "Mrs Kendog" - Truly the filthiest woman ah huv ever met since I wiz teaching in Essex. Yer Kendog trainer does a fine job. Ah dinnae ken if the
"bertie basset (http://www.google.co.nz/search?hl=en&q=bertie+bassett&spell=1)" juice will come oot.
Drew & Vicky - Whit can ah say? Taxi'd me around, put me up in their but n' ben and introduced me tae the Wellywood crew.
Cliffhanger Organisers - Genius event. In it's own way as enjoyable as racing but way more relaxed with the "turn up when you like" starting system.

limbimtimwim
17th March 2008, 20:39
Ahh approove Steevee

James Deuce
17th March 2008, 20:45
I now have a fookin' aneurysm from trying to read that ginga dialect.

flame
17th March 2008, 20:50
Great write up ther matie! even if it took me 20mins to read it.

Was awesome entertainment having you along. Especially since you fit the 'bogan' status so dam well :2thumbsup

Sorry ya bike wern't running so well, great effort up there all the same.


AND...... if ya sell tha weee bestie Im gonna keck yer wee wanga!:msn-wink:

Trudes
17th March 2008, 20:51
I totally agree with everything you may or may not have just said, I realised on Sunday that the more pissed I became the better I understood you! It was a pleasure to meet you, feel free to come and get on the piss with us again next time you're in Welly, and I'll have some more filthy topics to discuss at length with you.:2thumbsup

Clivoris
17th March 2008, 20:56
Smashing report Scracha.

Drew
17th March 2008, 21:00
Struggled through that bro, and it occurs to me, that must have taken fooken ages to write.

Well done on the bike, great partying with ya, welcomb bach inee tim.

Kendog
17th March 2008, 21:22
Was great meeting you, I was in shits and giggles on Saturday night. I was even pissing myself when I could understand what you were saying :laugh:

Here are some pictures of you "up the brae"

Sully60
17th March 2008, 21:37
Och Aye, twiz fookin greet tae meet ya.

You make a good bogan, anyone who can be up drinking Bertie Basset juice at 1am, sleep outside and get on the next day and go hard has got my respect.:yes:

Feel bummed for you the 748 didnae go as good as it could've, maybe next year you'll have to come back with a protwin eh laddie?

Oh and that braw arse belongs too me, so thanks for the compliment:msn-wink:

McJim
17th March 2008, 21:52
Ach weel ah'm glad ye hud a guid time fella an' dinae fa' aff like a wee tosspot or summat. Ah thoucht yer we eye tie beastie wiz red though. When did ye drap it innavat o' siller pain an a' that shite?

Looks a bit like a Gary Glitter thingumyjig.

Guid write up a' the same.

Number One
18th March 2008, 08:04
Crikey!

It were greet tae meet ya Mr Scracha. Feck gobshite I canne type in a Scottish accent! Bugger it...back to English (which I also struggle with at times!)

Enjoyed your report and though I did have to re-read most of it a few times one bit made complete sense. Infact that wee comment of yours was the highlight of my weekend...especially as I was a fairly generously rounded lassy till recently and my erse was definately not so braw.

Next time you are doon be sure to pop into Monsters Inc again for a drinky poo - we have a spare bed so yer welcome to camp over - we'll even let you sleep inside!:sunny:

Marknz
18th March 2008, 08:13
'kin 'ell, I'm gonna have to go open the fridge just to be able to read that...

:lol:

Str8 Jacket
18th March 2008, 08:36
ummmm, I kinda get what you're trying to say there mate..... Cheers for the laughs over the weekend, I think you're one of the only people ive met that speaks more shite than me! I thought you did bloody well getting out there on Sunday after the night you had. Shame about your bike, you best be coming back next year, eh!

Toast
18th March 2008, 09:09
Dude that was hard to read.

Good effort going up there in the rain.

Buy a Japper!

Trudes
18th March 2008, 09:53
Hey scracha, it's probably just as well you slept out in the open on Saturday night, Malcolm may have thought you'd taken him some licorice to bed as a peace offering.:whistle:

Lissa
18th March 2008, 10:27
What?

Cor you are so hard to understand... might be a good thing, I can pretend I didnt hear you giving me shit on Saturday Night! :niceone: Glad you enjoyed yourself Scotty.. (stevie to all others). Well done anyways.

Mental Trousers
18th March 2008, 11:27
Translated for those that don't know about find and replace.


With all them kiwi's rippin the piss out of me about no ridin for months I had no choice and went down to the wairarapa with my Italian beastie for a small burl up Ben Cliffhanger. I didn't know about the mental speeds I would be doing but cos of my hillbilly kiwi interweb I didn't see the youtube video until about two days before the event.

After bumpin into a small lady I know from Te Aroha at Hamilton Airport I caught the Air New Zealand Fokker biplane down to Wellywood. Man, it was gid to see the place from up there, all the hills an' all. When the propellers slowed down I wasn't sure if the plane had skids and was going to land on the water but sure enough we bumped down on a runway that was bumpetty enough to have been made by Fulton Hogan's finest gadges.

Mr "Drew" Mair was good enoughf to collect me from the airport and After dining on some of Wellywood's finest cuisine with his lovely lady Vicky "Flame" we sauntered over to his man old Craig's house whereupon we chewed the fat whilst I demonstrated my bike mechanical fixing skills. I was even introduced into the sect of the bogan (but for obvious reasons I cannot divulge all the secrets).

Saturday morn and Simon, Drew and myself sauntered roond to collect the lovely Helen's. for a trained chef the daftie couldn't make us a coffee but all was forgiven when I realised she'd be providing the stunt show on a bike about 10 times mair powerful than a small lady like her was used to. Upon arriving at the Ben Cliffhanger fashionably late, in what felt like a few seconds I was on my bike and out up the course. Man it was a fantastic, bright day and luckily so for the Ben was so high it might have dissapeared into the clouds. two commutes up the ben later and I decided I had maybe stop lookin at the scenery as I could only manage 3.06m. I pulled my socks up and with a small bit o' eggin on from Vicki managed a 2.45m. my italian beastie was having a bad day so I took it easy on the last jaunt.

Off to the campsite whereupon my sweaty paws were cooled down with a small dip in the local high heid yin's private burn. At least, it was his private burn until I dived in to join him. The local natives played their hillbilly music and I had a few rum's and I was fu and maybe haverin on a small bit. After the "scissor sisters" went in their tent, Helen's mannie Malcolm suggested I sleep in the traditional Kiwi "al fresco" style and indeed what a fantastic moon lit night saturday was.

Sunday, after washin my face in the morning dew, the local chieftan (what a top bloke even made us all breakfast in the morning). Porridge next time laddie! Up the course again an' bein a dunderheid I had forgotten the road and after lockin up my beastie into the cliffhanger and a long false neutral I could only do a a 2.46. with all the stones on the road I missed the 2nd run in order to put some mesh (thanks to father o' the blonde viking Jay Lawrence) on my air inlets. The 3rd run it was rainin at the bottom of the ben but us Scots ayewiz like it drookit so I took off with style. I rode like a man possessed with some spinnin and slidin and didn't back off on the fast bits. Unfortunately my beastie wasn't goin to good and I was fair disappointed to only manage 2.45. A small change of fuel leads and the 4th run was fast and smooth. my bike was still struggling to pull through 4th gear and 6th was only a dream so I could only do a 2.44. I decided my beastie wasn't in the mood to catch Flame's beastie so I put her back in her paddock. I'll maybe treat her to a power commander as she didn't cut out all weekend.

what a crackin weekend and a tribute to the Wellington tribe and their brethern Cliffhanger organisers. what better way to get back into riding?


"chopper" Sloan - yer a fuckin radge gadge man and thanks to you and your missus for takin my bubba bike and all the $hite that goes with it down to wellywood.
Simon "Limbtwin" - unicorn power is slowly but surely taking over my timorous beasties. maybe I'll get out my box brownie and show ye?
"Number one" Sherie - Man, what a fantastic arse you have lassie. May I be as bold as to say it's fantasticer than Vickys?
"Quasievil" - for taking me back and listening to all the piss mr coo Poos an myself were spoutin'
Trudy "Mrs Kendog" - Truly the filthiest woman I have ever met since I was teaching in Essex. Yer Kendog trainer does a fine job. I didn't know if the
"bertie basset" juice will come out.
Drew & Vicky - what can I say? Taxi'd me around, put me up in their but n' ben and introduced me to the Wellywood crew.
Cliffhanger Organisers - Genius event. In it's own way as enjoyable as racing but way more relaxed with the "turn up when you like" starting system.


Quasi spent over 5 hours travelling with you AND cowpoos?? He should get the Listened To Shit Medal Of Honour (1st Class) for that.

limbimtimwim
18th March 2008, 11:45
Quasi spent over 5 hours travelling with you AND cowpoos?? He should get the Listened To Shit Medal Of Honour (1st Class) for that.I know! He must have nerves of steel!

Mind you, they both know he could give them a solid beating if they misbehaved too much.

Deano
18th March 2008, 12:43
I wish I had scrolled down to the kiwi translation instead of struggling through all that.

Great to have you there Scracha.

slowpoke
18th March 2008, 12:51
Aye, 'twas a bonny craic!

It was phunny as phuck listening to a certain Scottish gentleman hurling unintelligible abuse at a his fine but recalicitrant Italian steed at the top of the hill.

Loved the write up mate.

koba
18th March 2008, 14:19
Great write up.
Hopefully next time we meet with alcohol involved It will be when everyone equally keen on makin a bit of noise.:niceone:

Drew
18th March 2008, 14:29
Great write up.
Hopefully next time we meet with alcohol involved It will be when everyone equally keen on makin a bit of noise.:niceone:


Pffft, harden the fuck up! Oh hang on, you kinda did when giving a much larger dude his marching orders. :jerry:

Rob Taylor
19th March 2008, 18:01
You right Deano.That was hard work just to find the english translation.Still it wouldnt be Stevo if we couldnt understand him.Well done Steve.Dont give up on that Ducati Just Yet.You can sort it and it will be great:niceone:.Look forward to seeing you at the Vic Club meets.Cheers

HDTboy
19th March 2008, 22:55
Fuckin Scotch git. You're impossible to understand.

Let's get your Italian air compressor reliable, huh?

boomer
19th March 2008, 23:04
I need a babel fish.. fookin irish i dunno!!!

Did he fall orf? Did he win..??


Win or bin????? did he, did he.. did he....??


i bet $50 it broke down on the tight coont:rockon:

scracha
21st March 2008, 10:16
Fuckin Scotch git. You're impossible to understand.

Let's get your Italian air compressor reliable, huh?

Reliable and Italian should never go in the same sentence. I'm humming and hawing about a power commander and some dyno time. Wanna get that wee CBR straightened out first for the VMCC.

roadracingoldfart
22nd March 2008, 20:50
I have to admit to often skim reading ride reports but this one was such a challenge i think i read it as slow as my 6 year old reads and to totally understand it i had to read it another time.
Fuck me .... i look through the relpies and find the english version . What a bastard aye ?
Well done with the effort at the hill Steve. Come to the drags in Sept and ill show you how a CBR should go lol.