mowgli
14th May 2008, 20:16
Seems like any clown can get into parliament these days. So I ask you, why not me :)
Here's my pledge card so far;
Roading
Transit New Zealand will be directed to stop removing the curvy bits out of our favourite roads. All road straightening will cease and new twisties will be installed.
Congestion
Motorbikes are the answer. All bus lanes and clearways will be re-designated "motorcycle only lanes". Lane splitting will be legal and will be taught at BHS.
Police Quotas
Police will be made to fess up and admit that they do have infringement quotas. I support quotas as a sensible way of focussing police attention on the real dangers on our roads. Police will score bonuses for pulling over the following: slow drivers +10, pricks that run red lights +10 and cattle trucks +10. There will also be penalties for police who pull over the following: bikers -1000.
Vehicle Licensing
Bikers are an honest lot (as will be evidenced by the low number being pulled over by police) and will be trusted to maintain their steeds in a roadworthy state without regulatory checks. After all, it's your arse ends up on the tarmac if you don't. No more thievery under the guise of WOF or Rego.
Fuel Pricing
Filling up bikes will be free. Questions?
ACC Levies
In an acknowledgement that dumb cages are the single biggest threat to us respectable bikers, the cost of biker ACC levies will be added to the cage rego. Note to all bikers with cages: ditch the cage.
Personal Liability
I'll pass a law that indemnifies bikers from everything so long as it involved a bike and they skite about it on a public Internet forum. In any incident where a cage is involved, the cage will be found at fault. Note to all bikers with cages: see note under ACC Levies.
Super Spidey Sensor
All bikes will be required to have fitted a super secret device designed by Q that detects hazards on the road ahead and warns the rider in plenty of time to avoid the hazard. The device will be free to bikers paid for out of petrol excise tax. In my second term Q has promised an even better device that will maintain an inpenetrable force field around the bike. With it installed bikers will be able to deal with hazards using two user friendly modes: "skillfully dodge" and "destroy with extreme predjudice". Mine will be hardwired to the latter.
So come join the revolution. Vote for me and enjoy the freedom of motorcycling the way it was meant to be.
Here's my pledge card so far;
Roading
Transit New Zealand will be directed to stop removing the curvy bits out of our favourite roads. All road straightening will cease and new twisties will be installed.
Congestion
Motorbikes are the answer. All bus lanes and clearways will be re-designated "motorcycle only lanes". Lane splitting will be legal and will be taught at BHS.
Police Quotas
Police will be made to fess up and admit that they do have infringement quotas. I support quotas as a sensible way of focussing police attention on the real dangers on our roads. Police will score bonuses for pulling over the following: slow drivers +10, pricks that run red lights +10 and cattle trucks +10. There will also be penalties for police who pull over the following: bikers -1000.
Vehicle Licensing
Bikers are an honest lot (as will be evidenced by the low number being pulled over by police) and will be trusted to maintain their steeds in a roadworthy state without regulatory checks. After all, it's your arse ends up on the tarmac if you don't. No more thievery under the guise of WOF or Rego.
Fuel Pricing
Filling up bikes will be free. Questions?
ACC Levies
In an acknowledgement that dumb cages are the single biggest threat to us respectable bikers, the cost of biker ACC levies will be added to the cage rego. Note to all bikers with cages: ditch the cage.
Personal Liability
I'll pass a law that indemnifies bikers from everything so long as it involved a bike and they skite about it on a public Internet forum. In any incident where a cage is involved, the cage will be found at fault. Note to all bikers with cages: see note under ACC Levies.
Super Spidey Sensor
All bikes will be required to have fitted a super secret device designed by Q that detects hazards on the road ahead and warns the rider in plenty of time to avoid the hazard. The device will be free to bikers paid for out of petrol excise tax. In my second term Q has promised an even better device that will maintain an inpenetrable force field around the bike. With it installed bikers will be able to deal with hazards using two user friendly modes: "skillfully dodge" and "destroy with extreme predjudice". Mine will be hardwired to the latter.
So come join the revolution. Vote for me and enjoy the freedom of motorcycling the way it was meant to be.