Mental health or just sick?

[Deano]

My wife is a member of another forum, which has to do with babies and birth.

A member alleged to have been pregnant with twins. Gave all the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, up until a 'miscarriage'.......


Turns out there was no pregnancy at all.....boyfriend and family were devastated at the news of losing twins, then to find out there were actually no twins at all !!

How sick are some people, that they feel the need to lie about some thing so precious ?

Tis a sad world at times.

Don't believe everything you read, especially on the internet.

[Boob Johnson]

Including this? <_<

[Deano]

Including this? <_<

Nah - this is for real. Verified by a local - not just internet BS.

You doubt me ? - obviously don't know me as I don't talk shit.

[Gubb]

Unfortunately some people think that making things like this up is the only way to get attention. Just like pretending to be sick/blind etc.

I've seen it many times before, and it is sad, but all the person craves is attention.

[Mikkel]

I've met people who were quite 'economical' with the truth in just about any aspect imaginable... Can't say I'm surprised by this!

[yungatart]

I would say that this poor woman is in desperate need of help.
She needs understanding, not contempt.

[jrandom]

I would say that this poor woman is in desperate need of help.
She needs understanding, not contempt.

Rubbish.

She did it for the lulz. It's called 'trolling', y'know, and, generally, egregious examples like the one Deano describes result in the offending member being banned from a forum.

Sorted.

[yungatart]

And you know this how?

[White trash]

I would say that this poor woman is in desperate need of help.
She needs understanding, not contempt.
Bingo.

I've for a long time been the "Fuck 'em, I don't need their shit" when faced with strangers who are quite obviously not well.

Recently, I met a girlfriend of a really good mate. Right away this woman rubbed me the wrong way. I confronted my mate and told him that this bird had to go, she's no good. He sort of agreed. I saw him again two weeks later and asked "You ditched her yet?", nah, they're still together. I started thinking about then about previous experiences and the like.

I had a brother with Crebral Palsy. I would have killed any fucker that tried to tell me 'Forget him, it's not worth it" What's the difference in this instance. My mates girlfriend deserves his support and understanding, she's a human being for christs sake. Giving her the shove doesn't encorouge her to get better, it further taints her view of the rest of the human race.

Everybody needs to have a little more compassion in this world and just stopping five seconds to think seriously about another persons situation, could possibly have an amazing effect on their quality of life.

I too know the situation you're discussing Deano, the girl was wrong to mislead her partner and family, but boy does she need some serious help and support right now if that's how far she's prpared to go.

[jrandom]

And you know this how?

I don't.

Anyway, I best shut up now; Mr Trash's made me feel bad by being all fookin sensitive and shit.

Amazing how much it helps the sympathy angle when the fucked-up chick in question is hot, though, aye?

:shutup:

[Nasty]

I would say that this poor woman is in desperate need of help.
She needs understanding, not contempt.

Totally agree .. there is obviously something going on that people can not readily understand .... mental health is a percarious area ... we just don't know ... and should not bag down on someone who is obviously struggling.

[jrandom]

I confronted my mate and told him that this bird had to go, she's no good. He sort of agreed. I saw him again two weeks later and asked "You ditched her yet?"

:crazy:

'kin ell, man, with friends like you, who needs mothers?

Then again, I coulda done with a bit of that treatment myself once or twice.

[CookMySock]

I had a brother with Crebral Palsy. I would have killed any fucker that tried to tell me 'Forget him, it's not worth it" What's the difference in this instance. My mates girlfriend deserves his support and understanding, she's a human being for christs sake. Giving her the shove doesn't encorouge her to get better, it further taints her view of the rest of the human race.sometimes it really is your (or my) problem and sometimes it aint.

If you take on life like you owe it something, it will likely drown you. The bottom line is, the world will continue to function quite happily without your constant attention or your high ethical standards, so you need not feel so overwhelmed and committed to helping someone who can't help themselves, because they probably can.

[CookMySock]

Then again, I coulda done with a bit of that treatment myself once or twice.thats what friends are for. Mind you, I got angrily reprimanded by some random 9 y/o boy off the street once, and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Yes, a metric tonne!

DB

[Trudes]

sometimes it really is your (or my) problem and sometimes it aint.

If you take on life like you owe it something, it will likely drown you. The bottom line is, the world will continue to function quite happily without your constant attention or your high ethical standards, so you need not feel so overwhelmed and committed to helping someone who can't help themselves, because they probably can.

I agree.
I have had a lot of friends that have had some major issues in their lives. Sometimes they just needed a friend to talk to who will listen and sometimes they wanted advice.
The worst thing you can do is try and fix their problems for them, they have to do it themselves otherwise they continue making the same bad choices and traveling the same road over and over.
Then again, some people thrive on drama and cannot be helped. What irks me is people who ask for advice and then don't take it and then are on your doorstep in 2 months time telling you all about their latest drama that sounds very much like the last one.
I will happily help someone who is willing to help themselves, but I can't take on everyone's dramas, it sucks the joy out of your own life.
Have a happy day everyone!:sunny:

[Riff Raff]

I'm a member of that forum and was devastated when I read about her losing her twins, as was everyone else. I bawled my eyes out and worried about my unborn baby. When the truth came out I was absolutely horrified that someone could make up a story like that. As more info came to hand I realised that this young woman needed serious help. From what I can gather she had been pregnant but had lost the twins early on, but had pretended that she was still pregnant so that the relationship with the father would continue. She kept the farce up right to the end when she went into 'labour' and her partner took her to hospital, whereupon hospital staff discovered there were no babies.
I really hope she gets the help she desperately needs.

[Tank]

Nah - this is for real. Verified by a local - not just internet BS.



Yeah - have you ever noticed that almost every urban myth happened locally ....

Anyway true or not - the girl either needs help or a good slap around the ears.

The right answer depends on the FULL and accurate circumstances and the girls reasons behind it.

Some people have genuine issues that need help - but also remember that there are a ton of scum out there that will lie beg and steel simply to get money or their own way. And some of the lies can be horrendous.

Not saying that this girl is either - but none of us can give the right answer without knowing the problem.

[Tank]

From what I can gather she had been pregnant but had lost the twins early on, but had pretended that she was still pregnant so that the relationship with the father would continue. She kept the farce up right to the end when she went into 'labour' and her partner took her to hospital, whereupon hospital staff discovered there were no babies.

sorry - this was posted as I was typing my post.

Horrible to say - but if she maliciously lies simply to 'keep the relationship going with the father' - is that really a mental health issue that needs help - or it is 'just' a woman manipulating a situation to get her own way.

Im not saying that losing the baby isnt tragic (it obviously is) - but we still dont know her motivation - ant thats the million dollar question that makes the difference from needing help to needing a clip (note - not condoning smacking women up - just a figure of speech).

Note - this is written as a guy who had a girl say she was preggers simply to try and force a marriage. she wasn't - we didn't - and I kicked her out the day I found out.

[007XX]

I really hope she gets the help she desperately needs.

I'm glad I read your post before posting my reply :hug:

Reason: I was going to get really peeved at people for judging this person based on Deano's thread starting post, which was really lacking on details and therefor was quite misleading.

My point: Who gives us the right to judge this woman to start with? and secondly: without knowing all the full details, how can anyone make an educated opinion on the matter?

C'mon folks...I have met pretty much all of you who have posted on here, and I know for a fact you are all good people. But a few of you come out with some really harsh judgements on the woman in question.

I know fuck all...but I know that I went through enough baby related issues to know not to judge that woman.

And before I get flamed out for my point of view: yes, I know I am no one, and yes, I know you will all think whatever the bloody hell you like regardless of what I say.

But know this: until we have each walked a mile in this woman's shoes, there is no bloody way we are entitled to pass judgement on what she did or said. I would be very enclined to think that there is some deeply seated mental issues at play here, especially if she managed to emulate the symptoms of a pregnancy with twins...the mind is an amazing thing, even when it is not working properly. In this case, I do think that compassion is definitely on order: that woman has problems, and as with any mental related illnesses, outsiders input will play a huge part in the success or failure for recovery.

Anyway, rant over...everyone's entitled an opinion and all that...love ya all.

[Number One]

Compassion is something that is seriously lacking in this world.

Everyone is too quick to dismiss others and as an intolerant bitch I don't profess to be much better but when I have someones heart in my hands and they are genuinely in need of at least one person who isn't going to jump on the bandwagon with all the judgementals out there I have to say I take that responsibility pretty damn serious.

I don't befriend and spend time on just anyone but those that I do choose can expect me to be in their corner as long as they need me.

THOUGH - Mrs Kendog is absolutely right - people do have to be willing to help themselves and you can't solve their problems for them...but what does a little patience and understanding, while managing your own boundries and not taking things on too much really cost us?

Also - who can really be the judge of whether someone CAN help themselves or not? If we haven't walked in their shoes and heard inside their heads what the fuck do we really know?

I feel really sad for that woman. I also feel sad for all those that were hurt and saddened by the lies, it is hard when you identify so clearly (as you do when you are pregnant) with others in the same boat - turn from compassion and empathy straight to contempt just because her actions make no sense to us is a bit cold me thinks. Because clearly she has some very big issues and while you can't expect to solve others problems for them we are all human, we all make mistakes and we all have to share this world with each other....where does selfish judgement get us in the long run? Dog eat dog world - hell yeah...and we complain about that regularly...start with the man in the mirror I say.

AND yes I am still a judgemental bitch, I don't like everyone or even care much for every human being but I don't set out to hurt people and I don't presume to KNOW the right or wrong answer....I just don't expend energy on people that I can't be arsed with....I try not be a hypocrite in that sense.

[Deano]

Reason: I was going to get really peeved at people for judging this person based on Deano's thread starting post, which was really lacking on details and therefor was quite misleading.
.

For the record - It wasn't my intention to mislead anyone.

Just sharing a shocking story and reminding people not to believe everything they read on forums...not that most people probably need reminding.

[Edbear]

thats what friends are for. Mind you, I got angrily reprimanded by some random 9 y/o boy off the street once, and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Yes, a metric tonne!

DB

It's always those extra couple hundy kilo's that hurt the most, eh?

[White trash]

sometimes it really is your (or my) problem and sometimes it aint.

If you take on life like you owe it something, it will likely drown you. The bottom line is, the world will continue to function quite happily without your constant attention or your high ethical standards, so you need not feel so overwhelmed and committed to helping someone who can't help themselves, because they probably can.
Thanks for the life advice, really appreciate it.

I'm not trying to change the world or hold exceptionally high ethics. Personally, if I can make someone elses life a little better by simply reserving judgement, or giving them a bit of a break, surely I'm going to do it? Wouldn't everybody?

[007XX]

My wife is a member of another forum, which has to do with babies and birth.

A member alleged to have been pregnant with twins. Gave all the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, up until a 'miscarriage'.......


Turns out there was no pregnancy at all.....boyfriend and family were devastated at the news of losing twins, then to find out there were actually no twins at all !!

How sick are some people, that they feel the need to lie about some thing so precious ?

Tis a sad world at times.

Don't believe everything you read, especially on the internet.


For the record - It wasn't my intention to mislead anyone and I didn't cast judgement on her either.

Just sharing a shocking story and reminding people not to believe everything they read on forums...not that most people probably need reminding.

I know you're a good guy Deano :hug: and I agree with your intent on warning people about the veracity of what they read on the Net.

But your first post indeed came out as judgemental to me and I highlighted the area which gave me this impression. However, if I misunderstood you, then I apologise.

This subject hits very close to home for me, and so I am trying to hang on to shreds of diplomacy.

[James Deuce]

Chicks!

Whaddya gonna do?

Can't live with 'em.

Pass the beer nuts.

[avgas]

Wow, amazing.
Don't believe everything on the internet you say.
FFS
I'm sorry but i don't follow anyones reasoning here. Shit happened, people were disappointed. NO ONE DIED.
Sad fact of the matter is people lie, and sometimes people don't say anything at all. Unless you are personally affected by it - it might be a case of but the fuck out of others lives. You talking shit on the internet helps them in no way at all.
FFS - this feels like womens weekly everyday now.
Help those you care about, enjoy your own life. But talking shit about others will only drag YOU down.

[Deano]

Wow, amazing.
Don't believe everything on the internet you say.
FFS
I'm sorry but i don't follow anyones reasoning here. Shit happened, people were disappointed. NO ONE DIED.
Sad fact of the matter is people lie, and sometimes people don't say anything at all. Unless you are personally affected by it - it might be a case of but the fuck out of others lives. You talking shit on the internet helps them in no way at all.
FFS - this feels like womens weekly everyday now.
Help those you care about, enjoy your own life. But talking shit about others will only drag YOU down.

Thanks for your insightful comments. Not.

For your information, my wife and many others were affected. Devastated even.

[Deano]

Feel free to delete this thread mods.

[Str8 Jacket]

Feel free to delete this thread mods.

Nah, dont. Its exactly the small minded replies that highlights some of the issues surrounding people with these *sort* of problems. It also highlights how peoples lies or even their problems can affect sooo many people without even realising it!

[Number One]

Nah, dont. Its exactly the small minded replies that highlights some of the issues surrounding people with these *sort* of problems. It also highlights how peoples lies or even their problems can affect sooo many people without even realising it!
Perzachery!!!

Know someone before you judge them and all that.

Oh and of course generally speaking...try not to just be an arsehole cos it makes you feel a little better about yerself.

[James Deuce]

Nah, dont. Its exactly the small minded replies that highlights some of the issues surrounding people with these *sort* of problems. It also highlights how peoples lies or even their problems can affect sooo many people without even realising it!

One of the things that has become clear during my time on KB is that when the chips are really down, no one gives a shit. In fact if it isn't fixable with a hug or a beer, most people run screaming in the other direction.

Thankfully, there are always special people who rise above it, but they are so few and far between that one wonders how they stay sane in amongst the "general populace" who only piss on people once the fire has gone out so that the uric acid in their wee will really make the poor burned bastard on the ground writhe in even more agony.

Another general aphorism: If you don't want to be kicked when you are down, don't tell people who don't give a fuck, even if they appear concerned. Your pain is just tasty gossip.

[ManDownUnder]

two sides to every (EVERY) story and until I know her side of it I'll reserve judgement.

[jrandom]

One of the things that has become clear during my time on KB is that when the chips are really down, no one gives a shit.

Big difference between the circumstances of life causing a person hardship, and a person making other people's lives difficult due to being fucked in the head, dude. Don't equate the two.

Now, when it comes to the insane women this thread was started about, I hope as much as any of you that she gets the medical attention she needs.

Which would come at about $80 an hour for therapy, and several hundred a month in PHARMAC psych-med subsidies.

And good luck, for that matter, to the very-well-paid degree-laden professionals who get to administer that treatment.

You and I, though? Best thing we can do is smile sweetly and run a mile.

Note the 'smile sweetly' part, by the way. I don't advocate being horrid to anyone with 'issues'.

Neither, however, do I advocate gilding the turd of their dysfunctionality.

[jrandom]

two sides to every (EVERY) story and until I know her side of it I'll reserve judgement.

She said she was pregnant.

She wasn't, and knew it.

Where's the 'side'?

[Number One]

If you don't want to be kicked when you are down, don't tell people who don't give a fuck, even if they appear concerned. Your pain is just tasty gossip.

The real difficulty lies in recognising these people before you spill your beans.

Sometimes too those that do give a shit and are genuinely concerned can not do much except to be there and buy a beer or give a hug...there are times when I could do with that beer and that hug and I can't and won't assume that all who I might open up to enough for them to learn something painful about me are going to find it tasty gossip and if they do - fuck em, they don't really count anyway.

[Deano]

Fuck it. This thread was not started in order to pass judgement on the woman concerned.

It is a shocking story that affected a lot of people in one way or another. Whether she actually has mental health issues or made up the story in a self serving way, who knows.

But, (and I'm not saying that this is the case in this instance) but where does the line get drawn between taking responsibility for your actions and blaming your actions on your state of mind at the time ?

Do you think if I was having a bad day, and possibly suffering from anxiety or depression, is it ok for me to smash someone in the head who pisses me off ?
Do you think if many of us went to a shrink we would end up being diagnosed with some bloody disorder or another ? Shrinks seem pretty quick to put a label on things these days.

Who is to say to what degree my mental health was at the time ? It is still not justified to smack someone is it ? I know people who have used mental health as an excuse for their actions.

To some degree I believe it is another example of this 'faultless society'. I'm not to blame because...blah blah.

Call me heartless or not understanding. I don't care. I know people with mental health issues and do not treat them any differently. Rant over.

[ManDownUnder]

She said she was pregnant.

She wasn't, and knew it.

Where's the 'side'?

"why did she do it - what was her intended payoff"? <=== Right there.

[Usarka]

Chicks!

Whaddya gonna do?

Can't live with 'em.



Cant live with em, and cant throw them out of a helicopter.


......well....not unless you want a life long prison sentence........ :doh: :whistle:

[Number One]

Crikey!

Men!!! Can't live with em, can't shoot em ;)

[Kittyhawk]

;)Well I went to the moon and back:yes:

wont make judgement otherwise id be judging on someone elses judgement that aint me.

[scumdog]

I agree.
. What irks me is people who ask for advice and then don't take it and then are on your doorstep in 2 months time telling you all about their latest drama that sounds very much like the last one. :

So true - it sounds like a lot of my 'clients', very frustrating and very sad.

[Donor]

Ah, TradeMe message boards, a plethora of urban legends and tales of bloated woe...

Had to stop posting there, neither of my kids were ADD ADHD KFC WINZ or ACC enough...

...or was it because I used lots of sweary words? I dunno, one of those things...

[imdying]

I would say that this poor woman is in desperate need of help.
She needs understanding, not contempt.As you well know, I'll rip on anyone... race, where they live, what they ride, colour of their hair... you name it, I'll take the mick out of it, but +1 on that.

[Stickchick]

I have personally been involved in such a circumstance, the fact that this person looked pregnant etc to find out that there was no baby was a shock to all that knew her.

Why she did it, no one knows. But her mind basically told her body that she was carrying a baby and then the body reacted just so. when she was in labour, she took herself to the hospital and her partner only found out 4 hours later that she was there. Docs told us that "phantom pregnancy" happen more often than people know about. Especially in someone that has a mental illness. She is a manic depressive and has been since the age of 13 after being abused. She then hooks up with a drop kick of a guy, she find him cheating on her and next thing you know she is pregnant. Whether she lost it before and just kept the facade up we still don't know. She, shortly after finding out she was so called pregnant, got together with a fantastic guy that worshipped the ground she walked on. Maybe she was wanting the family life she never had?

However, to this day her family and myself do not mention that there was no baby, she even had a name and keeps saying that Kayla was a stillborn. She is now back in therapy due to unrelated issues but hopefully this will make her a little bit better. The family and myself have always been there for her and watched her on the days we thought that she was suicidal...there has been a few. Unfortunately I'm no longer in Wellington to look out for her but we talk regularly and sounds like the therapy is working.

The point of my post though, is that this is quite common, for reasons as to hang on to someone, get them to change their mind about relationships, or just to have something in their lives that they never had (close knit family full of love). For whatever reason, friends and family should be there to support them no matter what. No matter what shocking behaviour is portrayed by such person, there is always good reason (well to them) behind it.

[Ms Piggy]

Then again, some people thrive on drama and cannot be helped. What irks me is people who ask for advice and then don't take it and then are on your doorstep in 2 months time telling you all about their latest drama that sounds very much like the last one.


So true - it sounds like a lot of my 'clients', very frustrating and very sad.

Ditto.

My theory (so far) is that most people's actions, be it positive or negative, are based on an attempt to meet a need. Simple example: I am hungry, I'll buy food. Another persons hunger may lead to them stealing food/robbing a bank/mugging someone.

I realise of course there are always millions of complicating factors that come into play. Life and behaviour isn't quite this simple or black and white (shades of grey a lot of the time).

But my theory has helped me to understand why the world can be pretty fucked up at times and why people are 'economical with the truth' (I like that phrase!), usually it's to get a need met.