To all you pilots out there

[Edbear]

Not sure if this has been posted before ,but who cares?

Basic Flying Rules
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognised by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

[Maha]

I like it....didnt make me wet my pants but I like it!....:eek:

[Edbear]

I like it....didnt make me wet my pants but I like it!....:eek:


Darn! I'll have to try again....;)

[Swoop]

Aviation's most useless things.

Runway behind you.
Air in the fuel tank.
Altitude above the wing.

[Edbear]

It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much
as possible.
:yes:

[Sully60]

It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much
as possible.
:yes:

Are we still talking about flying?

[James Deuce]

Pussy breaks most of those rules without really thinking that hard about it.

[AlBundy]

Taking off is optional...

Landing is compulsory..

[Pussy]

Pussy breaks most of those rules without really thinking that hard about it.

Whatchoo talking about, James? I'm a responsible agrimicultural pilot!
I've always liked the explanation of why there are twin engined aeroplanes... it's because if one engine fails, you've got something to listen to while you're crashing

[R6_kid]

Never run out of altitude and airspeed at the same time.

[Edbear]

Are we still talking about flying?

:whistle:


Whatchoo talking about, James? I'm a responsible agrimicultural pilot!
I've always liked the explanation of why there are twin engined aeroplanes... it's because if one engine fails, you've got something to listen to while you're crashing

Yep, with a twin-engined plane you have just enough power on one engine to reach the crash site...:pinch:

[Edbear]

When a prang seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

[chrisso]

And Dont fly Qantas..... i reckon they headed for a big arse accident.
I always fly Air NZ( Mucho better:niceone:

[Edbear]

And Dont fly Qantas..... i reckon they headed for a big arse accident.
I always fly Air NZ( Mucho better:niceone:

Yep! The bits that fall off their planes are much smaller....

[cs363]

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.

Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around,rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?"

To this, the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane."

The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.

"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."

[Swoop]

About Pilots:

· As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want... As long as it's right... And we'll let you know if it's right after you get down.

· You can't fly forever without getting killed.
· As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
· Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.

· There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. The Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.

· More about Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

· The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.
· The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
· About check rides:
a. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your airplane.
b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.

· The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
· The job of the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on it.

· Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no such expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

· It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very predictable. In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be unpredictable.

· He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.
· It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing touch his aircraft.
· If you can learn how to fly as a Ensign and not forget how to fly by the time you're a Lieutenant Commander you will have lived a happy life.

· About night flying:
a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.

e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each other.
f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get the same blend of psychedelic sensations as a single engine night weather flight.

· One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.

· At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them!

· The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?

· Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.

· It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.

· Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but hopefully your IP never taught you "pull stick back, plane go up".

· Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the NATOPS Manual is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.

· A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion above)
· The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.

· If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a pilot, she had better teach him to put things back where he got them

· The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward ...and wish.



A Comparison of Pilot traditions between the Navy and the Air Force...

On a carrier, the Naval Aviator looks over at the Catapult Officer ("Shooter") who gives the run up engines signal by rotating his finger above his head. The pilot pushes the throttle forward, checks all gauges and gives the Cat officer a brisk salute, continuing the Navy tradition of asking permission to leave the ship. Cat officer drops to one knee while swooping his arm forward and pointing down deck, granting that permission.

We've all seen Air Force pilots look up just before taxi for takeoff and the ground crew waits until their thumb is sticking straight up. The crew chief then confirms that he sees the thumb, salutes and the Air Force pilot then takes off. This time tested tradition is the last link in the Air Force safety net to confirm that the pilot does not have both thumbs up his a$$.

The Show Off Pilots

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better." Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"

"We just shut down two engines."

[chrisso]

I wouldnt be flying Qantas these days.......maintainance done in Indonesia......I dont think so Timmy.They headed for a crash

[awayatc]

Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Edbear]

Basic Rules for Flying
Basic Flying Rules for all pilots:

Try to stay in the middle of the air.
Do not go near the edges of it.
The edges of the air can be recognised by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
♦
Tower to Cessna - What's your location
Cessna: 'Warren tower, Cessna 37245, student pilot, I am out of fuel.'
Tower: 'Roger Cessna, 37245 reduce airspeed to best glide. Do you have the airfield in sight?'
Cessna: 'Um.........tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.'
Control Tower to Pilot
PQ872: 'Tower, give me a rough time-check.'
Tower: 'It's Thursday, sir.'

Pilot: '...Tower, please call me a fuel truck.'
Tower: 'Roger. You are a fuel truck.'

Pilot: 'Ground, LH-line 201, requesting start-up."
Tower: 'Sorry, LH-line 201, we don't have your flight plan. What is your destination?'
Pilot: 'To Edinburgh, like every Wednesday.'
Tower: 'But today is Thursday!'
Pilot: 'WHAT? But Thursday's our day off.'

Tower: 'You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles.'
Pilot: 'Give us another hint, we have digital watches.'

Ground Control: '476WB, bear to the left, disabled aircraft on the right.'
Pilot: '476WB, Roger, I have the disabled aircraft in sight, but I don't see the bear yet.'