Homemade Jokes

[The Lone Rider]

Three jokes Ive made up while bored at work over the last 6 months

What does a hooker and a sock puppet have in common?

They both will say whatever you want when you shove your hand up their ass.





Did you hear that NASA has a contract with Durex to coat the new space shuttles? It's so that if the shuttle gets fucked on re-entry they still have some protection.


Mary had a little lamb
It tasted quite a bit like beef
McDonald's was never quite the same
when Mary shagged a sheep.

[1 Free Man]

Three jokes Ive made up while bored at work over the last 6 months

What does a hooker and a sock puppet have in common?

They both will say whatever you want when you shove your hand up their ass.





Did you hear that NASA has a contract with Durex to coat the new space shuttles? It's so that if the shuttle gets fucked on re-entry they still have some protection.


Mary had a little lamb
It tasted quite a bit like beef
McDonald's was never quite the same
when Mary shagged a sheep.
MY GOD DO YOU NEED TO GO FOR A GOOD LONG RIDE!!!!
you'll be talking to yourself next LOL

[Skyryder]

MY GOD DO YOU NEED TO GO FOR A GOOD LONG RIDE!!!!
you'll be talking to yourself next LOL


Yep my thoughts too.

Mary shagging a sheep? I thought it was the other way round. Didn't Mary have a little lamb?


Skyryder

[AllanB]

What does a hooker and a sock puppet have in common?

They both will say whatever you want when you shove your hand up their ass.


Sir I think you have some issues - what they heck are you doing shoving your hand up a hookers arse?


And

If the above mentioned hooker did indeed let you shove your hand up her arse does that mean she is a 'crack-whore'? :confused:

[hayd3n]

Q: What do Blondes and Noodles have in common?





A:They both wiggle when you eat them.

[Skyryder]

Q: What do Blondes and Noodles have in common?


A:They both wiggle when you eat them.



What do Blonds and Noodles have in common??


One you cook in hot water. The other will get you into hot water.


Skyryder

[hayd3n]

yea but mines dirty

[Rollestonchick]

What do Blonds and Noodles have in common??


One you cook in hot water. The other will get you into hot water.


Skyryder
Very true:rofl:

Three jokes Ive made up while bored at work over the last 6 months

What does a hooker and a sock puppet have in common?

They both will say whatever you want when you shove your hand up their ass.





Did you hear that NASA has a contract with Durex to coat the new space shuttles? It's so that if the shuttle gets fucked on re-entry they still have some protection.


Mary had a little lamb
It tasted quite a bit like beef
McDonald's was never quite the same
when Mary shagged a sheep.

OMG you are bored at work :lol: what do you do for a job again???

[The Lone Rider]

well I thought they were pretty good jokes! :P

[Duke girl]

Good on you for giving the jokes a go with a bit more practise you could publish your own joke book then those who sit back and criticise will have the last laugh. Heres a couple for you.
Woman are funny creatures. Wont give their husbands sex for weeks but will kill the first woman that does.
Sex is like your pay slip. You can't discuss it with anyone because then they'll know how little you get.
Husband saids to wife "My olympic condoms have arrived, I think l'll wear Gold tonight "wife says "why dont u wear Silver & cum f***ing second for a change".

[James Deuce]

That Bill Gates; I'd like to give him a critical update.

[mud boy]

Three jokes Ive made up while bored at work over the last 6 months

What does a hooker and a sock puppet have in common?

They both will say whatever you want when you shove your hand up their ass.





Did you hear that NASA has a contract with Durex to coat the new space shuttles? It's so that if the shuttle gets fucked on re-entry they still have some protection.


Mary had a little lamb
It tasted quite a bit like beef
McDonald's was never quite the same
when Mary shagged a sheep.


took you 6 months to think that up?? thats proby the most funny thing!:woohoo:

[The Lone Rider]

took you 6 months to think that up?? thats proby the most funny thing!:woohoo:

Points for effort, but you obviously don't know the difference between "it took me last 6 months" and "over the last since months":argue:

[rustycharm]

blonde girl in a car crash says "i think i have concussion" Paramedic asks "how many fingers have i got up?" She replies "Oh my God... my pussy's paralysed!"

[mud boy]

Points for effort, but you obviously don't know the difference between "it took me last 6 months" and "over the last since months":argue:

its a funny joke man im saying:Oops:

[Ryder]

Primo jokes! got any more???? :2thumbsup

[Maha]

Yep my thoughts too.

Mary shagging a sheep? I thought it was the other way round. Didn't Mary have a little lamb?


Skyryder


You are probabaly right, and for this sexual act to be performed correctly Mary would need to wearing a strap on, which makes all the more creepy...:rolleyes:

[sosman]

blonde girl in a car crash says "i think i have concussion" Paramedic asks "how many fingers have i got up?" She replies "Oh my God... my pussy's paralysed!"

HA HA LOL :Punk:

[Trudes]

This may already be a joke but...

Why would a woman have a clit piercing?
So men can actually find where it is.

[Ryder]

This may already be a joke but...

Why would a woman have a clit piercing?
So men can actually find where it is.

bwahahahahaha :lol: .....cracks me up!!!! thats brilliant... tehehehe :clap:

[Ryder]

WARNING - some may find this joke offensive. if yu are easily offended please do not read it.

whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?...

the wheelchair.

[fire eyes]

WARNING - some may find this joke offensive. if yu are easily offended please do not read it.

whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?...

the wheelchair.


Ohh My Goodness .. You didint just post that! :laugh::chase:

[Jerry74]

hahahahahahah all good especially the clit one

[Trudes]

hahahahahahah all good especially the clit one

It's cause it's true eh!? :lol:

[Jerry74]

It's cause it's true eh!? :lol:

Hahaha not in my experience, that damn g spot now thats a different story

[rustycharm]

Hahaha not in my experience, that damn g spot now thats a different story
you know why its called the G spot dont ya....

Jeeeeeeeeeez.... where the fark is it?

and when you do find it "Jeeeeeeeeesssuuuuusssssssss"

[kevfromcoro]

Three bussines men where siting in a bar..digusing how stupid there wives were.
the first says..
last week my wife went out and bought $300 worth of meat..because it was on sale...and we dont even have a fridge to keep it.

thats pretty dumb says the second man.....
last week my wife went out and spent $20,000 on a car...and she doesnt even drive...

well, says the 3rd man.....
last week my wife went on holiday...i watched her pack her bags.
she must of taken 5 boxes of condoms with her..

And she doesnt even have a penis..............

[Ryder]

Ohh My Goodness .. You didint just post that! :laugh::chase:

errrr...... :sweatdrop

maybe.....rofl!!!! :lol:

[sosman]

One American, one Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting naked in the sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The American pressed his arm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.

"That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear and spoke briefly into it.

When he finished he explained, "That was mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

Banta Singh felt decidedly low-tech. So as not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive.

He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his backside.

The others raised their eyebrows...!

"Will you look at that," said Banta Singh. "I'm getting a fax!"

[Ryder]

bwahahahahaha!!!!! :lol: absolutely brilliant sosman!!!!!!

[sosman]

Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers,
represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Rastaman says. "Oh, dat dere is easy," and
proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"You no see it, mon? Tree and tree and tree make nine, nuh?" says the
Rasta.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the
same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Rasta stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that
he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.

"'Ere you go"

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to
represent 99?"

"Each of da trees him dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99. 'You tink I no got brain?"

The boss is getting angry as is worried he's going to have to hire this
Rasta, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again,
but represent the number 100."

The Rasta stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture
again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree,
and says, "Ere you go, mon. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"

The Rasta leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each
tree and says, "A little dog come along, seen, and crap by each tree. So
now
you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and
a turd, which make one hundred... So when I start, boss?"

[kevfromcoro]

A bloke walks into a bar with a octopus..
sits it on a chair....and shouts out..
This octopus can play any mussical instrament.....
Anyone care to try....
A man walks up with a guitar.and sure enough the octopus strums a tune on it...

A while later another man walks up with a trumpet...
And again the octopus plays it....

A scotsman walks up with a set of bagpipes and gives them to the octopus..
The octopus throws them to the ground and starts wrestling them.

You can ney play them says the scoty...
The octopus looks up and says...
play them....iam going to shag the fuckers....as soon as i can get her pyjamas off............