Bread is dangerous - Who'd a thought...

[Winston001]

More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations

More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average Kiwi eats more bread than that in one month!

Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

Newborn babies can choke on bread.

Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.


In light of these frightening statistics, I propose the following bread restrictions:



No sale of bread to minors

A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

A 30 percent tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

[Patar]

I can't figure out if you're talking about cigarettes or junk food.
One of which I despise, the other I like but have no quarrels with limiting the sale to minors during school hours.

[Winston001]

Nah, not serious, it's just a parody of how statistics can be drawn to show all sorts of weird things - and its dangerous to draw simple conclusions.

[FJRider]

Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first.

[McJim]

Being born is the most dangerous of all. 100 percent of people born are going to die :yes:

[1 Free Man]

Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first.
People are concieved in them as well... does that make then even more dangerous.:laugh:

[FJRider]

Being born is the most dangerous of all. 100 percent of people born are going to die :yes:

And of that 100%... 50% of them die later than we would prefer...

[maybe]

I hope no politicians read this forum or it may happen:innocent:

[Patrick]

Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first.

Here here...

Most people are conceived in beds, a sexually transmitted fatal disease in 100% of all cases - no one gets over it, no one escapes the death phase... it kills all...

[fire eyes]

can we please take this seriously. just consider for a moment the statistics we are already creating from joining KB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[GurlRacer]

ahhh hahahahaha :D My mum sells bread for a job! I'm going to send that to her boss... wonder how he'll take that. Considering they are breaking all the proposed rules :gob:

:laugh: :lol::lol::lol:

[Patrick]

can we please take this seriously. just consider for a moment the statistics we are already creating from joining KB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Statistics show that only 3.72% of people on KB take anything seriously.... seriously.....

[Swoop]

Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first.
Hospitals are very dangerous. Look at the statistics of sick and dying people in there!
Banning them would be a step in the right direction.

[bomma]

water is no safer either boys and girls!! 100% mortality rate :shit:

[NighthawkNZ]

Bikes are one of the least dangerous things hardly any one gets killed by a bike unleash you high side it and the bike is flipping over... or you are run over by your mate behind you cause he was following to close... or... oh wait...

What about hardly anyone gets killed on a bike... 99.9% of the time they are thrown from it, and it's the sudden stop that gets you killed....

[klingon]

uh-oh I think I'm addicted... this thread has made me want toast! :drool:

[Daffyd]

Hospitals are very dangerous. Look at the statistics of sick and dying people in there!
Banning them would be a step in the right direction.

Actually, that's not as silly as it sounds... You'd be surprised at the percentage of people that are hospitalised with reasonably minor ailments that don't make it out again.
Could be anything from a ballsed-up operation to catching some horrible infection.

[Swoop]

Actually, that's not as silly as it sounds... You'd be surprised at the percentage of people that are hospitalised with reasonably minor ailments that don't make it out again.
Could be anything from a ballsed-up operation to catching some horrible infection.
Or prescription of the wrong drugs.
My Grandfather was murdered by the bastards of the NZ "health" service.

[ManDownUnder]

... and without sex no-one would be conceived, therefore no-one would be alive to place a burden on our health system, and there will be an end to deaths!

BAN SEX!!!!!!!!!!!... ummm - 'ang on... no... might need to rethink that sex position.

[NighthawkNZ]

Actually, that's not as silly as it sounds... You'd be surprised at the percentage of people that are hospitalised with reasonably minor ailments that don't make it out again.
Could be anything from a ballsed-up operation to catching some horrible infection.


And just think all them sick people there... :crazy:

[Patrick]

uh-oh I think I'm addicted... this thread has made me want toast! :drool:

Stand up to the temptation... fight it.... don't do it..... don't.... do it.... do it.... DAMN!!!....... Yuo're screwed....

[Patrick]

Hospitals are very dangerous. Look at the statistics of sick and dying people in there!
Banning them would be a step in the right direction.

And cemetarys.... Stats show Death and carnage everywhere.....

[fire eyes]

best keep away from the Crematorium then ... :(

[yod]

statistics also show the 100% of the population (staggering, I know), die before, during or after work

we must ban this cultural blight immediately!!

[mstriumph]

Beds are dangerous too... people die in them... ban them first. ... and did you know that a large proportion of all road accidents happen within 15kms of 'home'? - we could SERIOUSLY clean up the road toll if we made it mandatory for people to garage their vehicles outside the 15km limit?

[klingon]

Stand up to the temptation... fight it.... don't do it..... don't.... do it.... do it.... DAMN!!!....... Yuo're screwed....

Yeah I couldn't help myself. I've been on a tea & toast bender all afternoon. it's wreaking havoc with my social life. :confused:

[Drew]

I can smell burning toast, THE END IS NIGH!!!

[1 Free Man]

... and without sex no-one would be conceived...
no... might need to rethink that sex position.
Which position were you using???
Ya don't want to snap the poor little thing off do you?????:gob:

[Bullitt]

Dont get me started on Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO)

Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
Contributes to soil erosion.
Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S.
Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

[JMemonic]

Dont get me started on Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO)


Gee that is a dangerous substance http://www.snopes.com/science/dhmo.asp

[Patrick]

Is it as bad as oxygen? That shit kills everything.... eventually...