Good quotes thread.

[Big Dave]

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx





No big cut and paste lists - one quote per post.

[nodrog]

"Hey. Bad luck..... Ya dickhead."

Darryl Kerrigan

[MSTRS]

Do ya feel lucky. Punk. ?
Dirty Harry

[Big Dave]

*That* is going straight to the pool room. - DK

[MSTRS]

---$? Tell'im he's dreamin'...
The Castle

[nodrog]

"He say plane fly overhead, drop value. I no care. In Beirut, plane fly over head, drop bomb. I like these planes better."

Farouk

[Sparrowhawk]

Dracula: Blade, are you ready to die?
Blade: I was born ready, motherfucker!

[nodrog]

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"

Albert Einstein

[Naki Rat]

"We are producing socially inadequate dependent personalities"
Anon.

[MIXONE]

"Daddys home."The Shining.

[idb]

"In the morning??!!
Hell...I don't respect you now!!!"

[nodrog]

"When I take action, I'm not going to fire a 2 million dollar missile at a 10 dollar empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive."

George W. Bush

[MisterD]

"Don't send me flowers when I'm dead, send them to me now if you like me"
Brian Clough.

[Bend-it]

see my sig. :)

[nodrog]

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."

George W. Bush

[MIXONE]

"My porn footprint is so big you can see it from outer space" (paraphrased)
BD:2thumbsup

[Stirts]

“Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.”
(Robin Williams)

[Magua]

Kill them all, God will know his own.

[JeremyW]

Better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt

[Pussy]

More full than a seaside dunny on a holiday weekend... Sir Les Patterson

[NOMIS]

Im thinking if yo don't quit flaberin yo lips ima highlight yo head black and blue.... - MR T .

my manme mr t .. mr T - REX..

I have 100's of mr t ones I know off hand and use in daily speech fool's.

Gota love him

[ManDownUnder]

"Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read" Groucho Marx

[NOMIS]

another mr t one.


quit yo jibber jabberin and start liftin.

and

see this ** raise's fist ** how about I use it to print my initials on your brain,

Something to do with signing his initials on a form.

[Stirts]

"Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.”
(Robin Williams)

[nodrog]

"A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay."

Demetri Martin

[Krayy]

"Eating kittens is just plain... plain wrong! And no-one should do it, ever! " - The Tick

[PirateJafa]

"Sorry mate, I didn't see you..."

[nodrog]

"When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross."

Dirty Harry

[Big Dave]

A witty saying proves nothing - Voltaire.

[buellbabe]

It seemed a good idea at the time...

[Bass]

I used to be conceited, but now I am perfect.
Oscar Wilde (I think)

[KiwiRat]

Shoot yourself in the foot often enough, and you won't have a leg to stand on. - Me.

[Magua]

Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains - Rousseau.

[nodrog]

" I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

Winston Churchill

[idb]

"Peg, what time does dinner raise it's ugly head?"
Al Bundy

[cowboyz]

I hear they are still making days and another one is due tomorrow.

[idb]

"Everybody complains about the weather but nobody does anything about it."

[idb]

"History's just one damned thing after another!"

[nodrog]

"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon."

Napoleon Bonaparte

[R6_kid]

"English Mother Fucker!!! Do you speak it?" - Samuel L Jackson, Pulp Fiction.

[idb]

"Why don't we come up with a KB wave so that we can recognise each other on the road?"
Unknown

[chrisso]

''Right you Bastards, im coming to your planet''
''Im a Derek-Dereks dont run''
''Never guess what I had to do?-what drink some chuck?''

'Bad Taste':2thumbsup

[Stirts]

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcyclist.
(Anonymous)

[chrisso]

''Chicken Little was right...''

[buellbabe]

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks;
A woman loses hers after four kisses...

[scumdog]

"Why don't we come up with a KB wave so that we can recognise each other on the road?"
Unknown


And a much vilified Unknown....

"That man could not drive a drawing pin into balsa-wood"

[buellbabe]

I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose.

[idb]

"I'm taking this international!"

[buellbabe]

War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left...

[bert_is_evil]

Nobody ever died wishing they'd spent more time at work

- My Dad

[buellbabe]

...there this one time...at band camp...

[MIXONE]

"Yes maa'm but you are fat and in the morning I'll be sober" W.Churchill

[chrisso]

''A bad days fishing beats a good days work...''
''Old fishermen dont die-they just smell like it''

fishing,,, hmmmmmmmmmmmm wheres me rod/././

[buellbabe]

"Dammit, Lizzie, get off your fat lazy ass and cut me some firewood!" -- Mr. Borden

[firefighter]

If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth, or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive Nick. Now, do you understand everything I've just said? Cause' if you don't, I'll kill ya! Now, Mr Bubble and Squeak, you may enlighten me.

"Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels"

[Stirts]

"What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?”
(Billy Connolly)

[nodrog]

"Why don't you go practice fallin' down. I'll be there in a minute."

Joe Dirt

[firefighter]

Chuck Levine: What do you got?
Larry Valentine: Maxi Pads.
Chuck Levine: What, do we have vaginas now? Put it back!

[MSTRS]

Aeeeiii...what the fuck was that?
Mayor of Hiroshima

[scumdog]

"Can we have more beans Mr Taggart?"

(Blazing Saddles)

[Pussy]

Don't try and teach a pig how to sing... it only wastes your time, and it annoys the pig. Author unknown

[Stirts]

"I'll rip your balls of and shove them up your arse! So the next time you shit, you shit all over your balls!"
(Team America)

[firefighter]

"Can we have more beans Mr Taggart?"

(Blazing Saddles)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Taggart: I got it. I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: You do?
Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em.
Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...
Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?
Taggart: NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.
Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous

[MisterD]

O' course it's got an 'ole in it! It wouldn't be an 'oop if it didn't 'ave an 'ole in it!

[nodrog]

"No big cut and paste lists"

Big Dave

[buellbabe]

...and what happens if I push THIS button?"

[Tank]

Its good for your skin baby.

[Pussy]

"Sandra Tait has travelled extensively around the world and currently lives in Maine with her husband Brad, also a Jetlag writer. An intensely private couple, little else is known about the pair except that Brad suffers from erectile dysfunction". From list of contributors, Jetlag travel guide for Phaic Tan

[firefighter]

spiderpig,spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does, can he swing, from a web, no he can't caus' he's a pig.

[Hitcher]

Droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that. Let the Wookiee win.

[Lissa]

You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded.

The Office

[nodrog]

"Final request - badge number please, and the "name calling by police officer" leaves the Internet right now, or else it goes international. Your call."

DangerousBastard

[Pussy]

"I'm a man on the move. I'd reckon that in the last couple of years I've been that mobile I wouldn't have had two shits in the same toilet". Another gem from Sir Les Patterson

[Bass]

Suck Mary Jane, Suck! Blow is only a figure of speech!

Playboy

[outlawtorn]

"If it doesn't stick in your throat, then it won't stick in your arse"
My Dad
(Always used to say that when eating something that appeared slightly dodgy)

[martybabe]

Two things I've always admired about you.......Your face. Unknown.

[Swoop]

"He's fallen in the water!" Bluebottle.

[alanzs]

"I'd never belong to a club that would have people like me as members."

[davo]

"This is no time to be making new enemies."

Voltaire, on his own deathbed, when asked by a priest to renounce Satan. These turned out to be his last words.

[pete376403]

"This one goes to eleven"

This Is Spinal Tap

[Swoop]

"Completely Brilliant!!!!!" Vyvian.

[martybabe]

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.Groucho Marx

[Edbear]

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks;
A woman loses hers after four kisses...

Mine loses hers after one...:innocent:

[kevfromcoro]

Forget your enemies.........
But never forget there faces.............

[stify]

Hey....you're fucking this cat.....I'm just holding it's tail

c/o an old boss

[Genestho]

It's not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out where the strong man stumbled or where the doer of great deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena. Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. Who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again. And who, while daring greatly spends himself in a worthy cause so that his place may not be among those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

[Whynot]

"We don't have to save the world. The world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about is whether or not the world we live in will be capable of sustaining us in it."

[Rockbuddy]

" Life is short! bullshit life is the longest thing anyone ever does there is nothing else you can do thats longer"

[Dave Lobster]

Always with the negative waves Moriarty, always with the negative waves.

Oddball..

[Edbear]

"Duck? What d..."

[MadDuck]

Wasnt me honest Edbear

[McJim]

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." (General John Sedgwick, battle of Spotsylvania, 1864)

His last words by the way.

[alanzs]

"Revenge is best served cold."
"Hey, watch this."
"The checks in the mail."

[The Stranger]

"If it doesn't stick in your throat, then it won't stick in your arse"
My Dad


Just the sort of advice every hillbilly give his son I expect.

[The Stranger]

History is written by the victor

[The Stranger]

Any of you fuckin' pricks move and I'll execute every one of you motherfuckers!

Honey Bunney, Pulp Fiction

[skidMark]

"I don't go down that runway praying, you go down that runway praying you are liable to get killed boy, you just better be bracing yourself for whats on the other side" - Evil Kneivil.

[scrivy]

I was hit from behind......... :clap: Circa: Wanganui 2007.......

[hospitalfood]

it puts the lotion on its skin
it does it when its told
it puts the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again

silence of the lambs

[DMNTD]

Bugger...
Me...just after I high sided the MV :pinch:

[Grahameeboy]

Bugger...
Me...just after I high sided the MV :pinch:

Best quote I know is Spike Milligan on his headstone

"I told you I was ill"

Me I just want "I was me" on mine

[The Stranger]

I was hit from behind.........

Thanks for sharing scrivy, always thought you guys swung both ways. :buggerd:

[MSTRS]

Mark Twain - “I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

[R6_kid]

"..... And I will strike down upon thee with GREAT vengence and FURIOUS ANGER, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers, and you will know my name is the lord, when I lay my vengence upon thee..." Jules Winfield (Samuel L Jackson), Pulp Fiction, just before blowing some dudes brains out.

[alanzs]

Here's a bit about my childhood:
"Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy... the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess in the insane lament. My childhood was typical... summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds... pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it." :clap:

[Laava]

I'm Brian and so's my wife!

[Ixion]

Any ride where you get home riding most of the bike you set out on is a good ride

Ixion. After too long acquaintance with Briddish Iron

[Timber020]

In the hospitality of war we left them their dead to remember us by

[Street Gerbil]

Where there is a will, there is a lawyer.

[Clockwork]

Where did all these fuckin' Indians come from?


General Custer

[Pussy]

Scattered showers, my arse!.... Noah

[fire eyes]

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on. Billy Connelly

[fire eyes]

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there. Billy Connelly

[fire eyes]

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be. Billy Connelly

[fire eyes]

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name? Billy Connelly

[ynot slow]

I wasn't drunk,my legs were pissed-Billy Connelly.

[Dave Lobster]

Dead nigger storage aint what I do!

[MisterD]

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. - Cary Grant