Quote of the year

[dpex]

Imagine the scene. Main road. Double lanes. Lights. Ahead and on the right (across the intersection) is a major high school.

Ahead, and directly opposite the school, cars are parked, thus requiring the pairs of vehicles on my side to merge within ten metres past the lights. And in the centre of the road is a 2 metre painted 'island' leading to the right-turn bay at the lights, upon which a teen is laying.

A metre or so away, also on the island a small van is parked and a very distraught chappie-gentleman is attending upon the teen.

It seemed clear to me (on bike and first in the queue) that said teen had stepped out between two cars on the other side and onto the island and into the path of the small van. Boom! One sorry teen. One seriously stressed van-driver.

The incident was clearly very recent because no cops or ambulance were yet on the scene, but a helpful chap was ready to direct traffic (on my side) carefully past the scene.

To my left is some fat old hag impatiently awaited the green. It came. I edged slowly forward. She floored it, sprung into my lane, within half a metre of my front wheel (images of R6 and bucket racing bins filled my imagination!) and roars past the crash scene at at least the max limit.

I decide I'm more than slightly annoyed at this so I followed her to a factory about a click down the road. Pulling up along side as she made to alight, I tapped on her window. Down it came after a slight hesitation, and 'offence as the best form of defence' came into play.

"What the fuck do you want?" said this mid-sixties-something, fat hag.

I related what I had observed her do while passing the incident scene then finished with, "That was really studpid driving, Madame."

She blushed bright red then yelled, "Don't you call me fucking stupid! You're fucking stupid.'....and then came the quote of the year.

"Dontcha know the kids from that fuckin' school are always getting hit and causing trouble?! I'm not gonna get held up by their bullshit! I gotta business to run!"

[wbks]

No punch in the face? Its pretty sad to think that people like that actually have a say on things like voting, etc, don't ya think...

[Harry33]

Must of been hard not to slap the shit out of her alright.

[Swoop]

What would be the name of this business that "has to run" so urgently?

I have a bit of time on my hands today and I'm sure that I could spend some of it on the telephone...

[Donor]

Strangely, I feel no surprise...

So, do we know which business she runs, that we might avoid it like a dose of the fucking plague?

[Blossom]

What would be the name of this business that "has to run" so urgently?

I have a bit of time on my hands today and I'm sure that I could spend some of it on the telephone...

:drool:you say the sweetest of things swoop.

One hopes she is not in childcare.

[spookytooth]

What would be the name of this business that "has to run" so urgently?



Probly the business of stuffing donuts in her face while watching Opra

[Swoop]

:drool:you say the sweetest of things swoop.
I'm "sure" that I require some products and/or services from her establishment...
Road safety equipment. Hopefully.

[Fatt Max]

Jeez, what a battleaxe.

People like that are a danger to each and every one of us. Good on ya for catching up and bollocking the hag.

Shocking stuff...

[sinfull]

Ya made the fatal mistake of calling her a madame when she was obviously just a whore !

[Spyke]

Too good for anyone she is! What a tosser, I hope that she gets what she deserves, no help for her when she trips over her lardy feet and her bluetooth headset lodges even further into her brain! Bitch :angry2:

[Tank]

There have been plenty of examples of where business have been taught a lesson via the internet - like the marquee company last year (for a local example). I'd suggest adding the name of the company to the bottom of the forum post and for everyone to cut / paste it into a email and forward to all their frineds with a comment like ... this is so discusting I decided to share with you all - Im for one boycotting this business.

Oh - And dont forget to cc the bitch.

BTW do it NOW while its fresh in her head.

[Big Dave]

There have been plenty of examples of where business have been taught a lesson via the internet - like the marquee company last year (for a local example). I'd suggest adding the name of the company to the bottom of the forum post and for everyone to cut / paste it into a email and forward to all their frineds with a comment like ... this is so discusting I decided to share with you all - Im for one boycotting this business.

Oh - And dont forget to cc the bitch.

BTW do it NOW while its fresh in her head.

What if she was just doing a delivery and works somewhere else.

[Big Dave]

If anything it highlights the pointlessness of the tap on the window exercise.

All it EVER achieves is a stupidity confirmation. The world is full of them kids. You can't change it - you just have to best deal with it.

[vifferman]

If anything it highlights the absolute pointlessness of the tap on the window exercise.

All it EVER achieves is a stupidity confirmation.
Not always - sometimes it achieves mindless P-fueled violence. (Stupidity confirmation to the power of P?)

[dipshit]

What if she was just doing a delivery and works somewhere else.

Stiff shit. The mob has spoken.

[Tank]

What if she was just doing a delivery and works somewhere else.

There you go again BD - raising well thought-out, reasoned comments that actually make sense.

Please cease immediately.

[stanleychung]

big ups for dpex for actually finding the courage to actually give some feedback. I dont think i have the balls to do that. Mind you I've yet to be that irritated.

[Big Dave]

There you go again BD - raising well thought-out, reasoned comments that actually make sense.

Please cease immediately.

I reckon we go round there and shitty-foot them.

[Katman]

big ups for dpex for actually finding the courage to actually give some feedback. I dont think i have the balls to do that. Mind you I've yet to be that irritated.

Come on man, it was a woman in her mid 60s.

Do you really think she was likely to jump out and numchuck him to death?

:msn-wink:

[Finn]

I'm going to have to side with the fat old hag here. Students are at the bottom of the food chain. Besides, getting hit was probably the only valuable lesson they received in the entire year.

With an absolute lack of any form of traffic management in Auckland, I say good on her. Anybody that boots it on green get my thumbs up.

[Headbanger]

Me dear old mum is 60, She probably would have run over the teenager again on her way past, then beat to death anyone that had anything to say about the matter.

Still, her father was a scrap dealer, so that explains it all.

[Big Dave]

I'm going to have to side with the fat old hag here.

Yes - I've seen you at a bar.

[Mikkel]

One hopes she is not in childcare.

Probably a consultant to CY&F if just half the stories I've heard about them are true.

[more_fasterer]

That sounds remarkably like an ex-customer of mine. This wasn't on rosebank rd perchance was it??

[R6_kid]

R6's weren't made until 1999.

[SARGE]

What would be the name of this business that "has to run" so urgently?

I have a bit of time on my hands today and I'm sure that I could spend some of it on the telephone...

i'm betting its a day care center...

[Swoop]

i'm betting its a day care center...
So, this woman is a KB member then???<_<

[dpex]

R6's weren't made until 1999.

If that's the case, then you must be the youngest bucket-racing, chocolate fish-owing R6 alive.

[dpex]

That sounds remarkably like an ex-customer of mine. This wasn't on rosebank rd perchance was it??

Nope. Henderson Valley road.

I'll call back tomorrow to see if the hag's car is there. If it is then we can safely presume that that's the business she was on about or, maybe, she just visits lots.

[jrandom]

R6's weren't made until 1999.

Yes, dear.

:lol:

I predict great things for dpex.

[toycollector10]

Slight Hijack. Some other old "blouse" was recently observed opening the door of her Mini and slinging two plastic bags of rubbish under it at Hagley Park.

Some concerned citizen fronted her and he was asked "who made you the rubbish police"

The incident made it to The Press the next day. Red and white Mini with a very easy to remember personal plate (which I've forgotten). I bet it's still parked up still out of sight of the neighbours..

I love that old song quote, "Do you know who you're pickin' "?

Answer, "naah, who'm I pickin"?

Answer, "You'll find out"

From the Newcastle Song.

[Brooke]

Unbelievable, I am actually finding it hard to finds words to fathom how some people can be genuinely that uncaring.

What a bitch, I would have been way ruder! :2guns:

[sweetp]

What a cow! it is drivers like her that hit the kids. Really surprised the H & S police haven't done something about the school though and put in place a traffic managment plan that will cause traffic jams from 3-5 every day.

[Big Dave]

Answer, "You'll find out"

From the Newcastle Song.

Sorry mate - it's 'you' find out.

'Who are you?'

'You find out.'

meaning the 7' hells angel didn't know his name - and he wasn't going to tell him.

[mctshirt]

To refresh everyones memory of a modern classic and enlighten those who aren't "so last century":
THE NEWCASTLE SONG Bob Hudson 1975
Chorus:
Dont' you ever let a chance go by,
O Lord,
Don't you ever let a chance go by.
Yes, up in Newcastle they have very strange mating habits.
All the young women of Newcastle
walk down the main street
which is called Hunter Street
for reasons that will become obvious
later on in the song.
All the young men of Newcastle
drive down Hunter Street
in their hot FJ Holdens
with chrome plated grease nipples
and double reverse
overhead twin cam door handles,
sitting eight abreast in the front seat,
and they lean out of the window
and say real cool things to the sheilas
on the footpath, like 'Aah g'day'.
And every now and then, of course,
one of the young ladies thinks to herself
Ummmm
she thinks
Ummmmm.

Don't you ever let a chance go by, oh Lord
Don't you ever let a chance go by

Chorus
Anyway there was this mob of blokes
driving down Hunter Street
in the front seat of the hot FJ
with chrome plated grease nipples
and twin overhead foxtails,
and the coolest of them all,
who got to sit near the window,
was young Norm.
And they pulled up outside
the Parthenon milk bar
and standing outside
the Parthenon was this beautiful looking sheila.

Oooh! Oooh! said young Normie
who'd come top of his class in English,
Ooooh! he said.
So he leaned out of the window,
and he said real, real suave like,
he said G'day.
This nine foot tall Hell's Angel
came out of the Parthenon milk bar,
looked at Norm and said
Arr, what are ya?
Norm said What are you?
Bloke on the footpath said
D'ya want a go, do ya mate, eh?
Norm said Yeah, d'you want a go, mate?
Bloke on the footpath said
Yeah I'll have a go
Norm said
D'you know who you're picking?
The bloke on the footpath said
Nah, who am I picking?
Norm said
You find out
And all of a sudden there was a break in the traffic,
and as any young Newcastle lad knows-
when you're getting monstered
by a nine foot tall Hells Angel
and there's a break in the traffic....

Chorus

Don't you ever let a chance go by, oh Lord
Don't you ever let a chance go by

[Big Dave]

Or spent 10 years living near Hunter Street.

How do you know the web site with the lyrics is correct though.

for that matter - Hitcher - help me out here - what is it called when you mis-hear lyrics and badquote - there is a term - and a even web site about it - but the term eludes me.


One ton tomato - I've got a one ton tomaaaaato......

[stanleychung]

Come on man, it was a woman in her mid 60s.

Do you really think she was likely to jump out and numchuck him to death?

:msn-wink:

now that i would want to watch. maybe ive been watching too much tv where little old ladies with hand bags all know black belt. :bash:

[Hitcher]

for that matter - Hitcher - help me out here - what is it called when you mis-hear lyrics and badquote - there is a term - and a even web site about it - but the term eludes me.

Mondegreen. Hit me with your pet shark, fire away!

[Big Dave]

Mondegreen. Hit me with your pet shark, fire away!

and the way she combed her hair and farted.

[Big Dave]

This is the one I was looking for

Mondegreens are mishearings of popular song lyrics or other frequently heard phrases; mystery mondegreens are lines that are obviously misheard but for which the correct line is unknown, at least to the mishearer and to me.
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A penny saved (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/11/20/DDUJ1470CG.DTL) 11.20.08
Contest for the ages (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/11/19/DDKC146979.DTL) 11.19.08
Past lives (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/11/18/DDP2144RS8.DTL) 11.18.08
The disease of stuff (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/11/14/DDB61436N6.DTL) 11.14.08

More Jon Carroll » (http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/carroll/archive/)



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<!--/articlebox --> Your job, dear reader: Supply the real line. I could do the back-breaking research myself, but then we wouldn't have any fun at all, either of us.
Dylan Beach, son of the late and wonderful Scott Beach, heard a line in "Demolition Man" by the Police as "I'm a streamlined whip, I'm a sawed-off Ed McMahon." Very amusing but clearly wrong; what's right?
(Under separate cover and months later, I got a non-mystery mondegreen from Sarah Beach, sister to Dylan. She was always entranced with the Elton John line "Hold me closer, Tony Danza." Actually, "tiny dancer," and isn't it interesting that both siblings insert the names of cheesy television stars into their songs? There's deep meaning there, unless there isn't.)
Elliot Stewart wonders about the lyric in Stevie Ray Vaughan's "I'm Crying, " first verse after the guitar break: "Now when I first met you baby, there were things in the diphthong, now when we're together, yeah, it's a total waste of time." Diphthong? I think not.
Also from Stewart, this line from "Sunshine of Your Love" by Cream: "I'll be with you darling now; I'll be with you till my skis have dried off."
But most mondegreens are not mysteries. Most people know that the Cranberries had a song called "Free to Decide," except Jessica May, who, on her way to take the California State Bar Exam, heard the lyric as "I'm freakin' inside" (as indeed she was), and Ellen Skagerberg, who heard it as "I'm frigid inside." Comments Skagerberg: "Poor Dolores; no wonder she's yodeling."
Several readers, including Don Murphy, submitted a mondegreen of the old First Edition line "I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in," a kind of semi-covert let's-get-high song. The misheard line: "I just dropped in to see what condition my physician was in," so very '90s.
Murphy's children are Beatles fans, and they particularly like "You Won't See Me," although they think the lyric goes "We have lost the time that was so hard to find, and I will lose my mind, you watch TV."
(Substituting that line all the way through paints a desolate picture of a television addict and her despondent boyfriend -- it's almost a whole new song. )
Another Beatles line, this one from "And I Love Her," heard by (sardines) on the Net: The real line is "She gives me everything, and tenderly." The mondegreened line is "She gives me everything, internally."
James Langdell heard the Cream song "Tales of Brave Ulysses" as "Tails of Gravy Lizards," and oh yum. Another reader heard Tom Petty's "I Was Born a Rebel" as "I was Barney Rubble."
David Cone (presumably not the pitcher) wrote, "I always thought the lamest refuge of the mondegreened was the cry, 'But I like mine better!' Still, I found myself uttering those very words when I scanned the Van Morrison liner notes looking for the title 'Fool for Skin.' ('Like a fool for skin/ I was lifted up again/ by the Lord'). The CD liner claims the song is actually titled 'Full Force Gale.' This not only doesn't rhyme, it's grammatically inferior and lacks the erotic connotations of my version."
Speaking of erotic connotations, there is a strange new class of secondhand mondegreens, misheard by someone else and transmitted via closed- captioned television. A friend of Stephanie Vardemas' saw the following phrase on her TV during the Olympics: "Hung Aryan swimmers."
During the closing ceremonies of that same event, Richard Evans saw a lyric rendered as "Son of gun we're gonna have big fun on the bio," and the word "colloquialism" repurposed as "cloak wallism."
Oh, don't forget the best-selling book "Mice Are Gay," as heard by Britt Ascher of Lafayette. Actual title: "My Sergei."

[toycollector10]

Slight hijack II

"Scuse me, while I kiss this guy...Jimi Hendrix, 1968.

The end result was that some guy built this website.

http://www.kissthisguy.com/

[dpex]

Been back twice to the factory. The fat hag's car was not there. So maybe she 'was' just visiting.

[JohnR]

Or spent 10 years living near Hunter Street.

How do you know the web site with the lyrics is correct though.

for that matter - Hitcher - help me out here - what is it called when you mis-hear lyrics and badquote - there is a term - and a even web site about it - but the term eludes me.


One ton tomato - I've got a one ton tomaaaaato......

Try "The ants are my friends" - Bob Dylan:yes:

[SARGE]

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire...........