Broke my back

[Donut]

was riding in the wet at 40kmh and hit a tar spot on the road, lost the front and back end. ended out sliding over a curb hitting it with my head and back resulting in a broken back.

i broke my T5 vertibray im not paralyzed but i have a bloody long road to recovery and a shit load of drugs to numb the pain

Be carefull out there guys!!! see you on the road in 4 - 6 to weeks :D

[PirateJafa]

Shit mate, that's no good!

More importantly though, how's the bike? :no:

Do you get the parking?

[gijoe1313]

:no: Not good to hear mate, hope you are getting some good care and on the way to making a full recovery. :sick: Rest up and catch up on some reading?

[fireball]

ouch mate hope the nurses are hot and the drugs are good!
hope you heal fast too and that your bike is ok too....

[Donut]

nurses r fucking mean hot :Ddrugs r the best i can get :P how ever the bikes fucked :( any donations on a new one ? :P

[ital916]

ouch, its not the falling off that hurts its hitting inanimate/animate objects. Get well sooner.

how big was the tar patch. Must have been while you were on a lean??

[Nasty]

Take the time to heal properly mate ... it helps in the long run!!

[Storm]

Drugs are good mmkay! Take care of yourself mate and as nasty said, take the time to heal up properly and dont rush back into things- your spine is a pretty important bit of kit, so you want it as healthy and strong as you can.
PS you were bloody lucky- but you already know that eh ;)

[Wingnut]

Take the time to heal properly mate ... it helps in the long run!!

Yea what he said mate. I have had 3 broken vertibrae in the last 5 years ( 2 bike inflicted - the third alcohol!) and it is essential that you are patient in your recovery. If not you could be looking at long term complications. All the best mate.:niceone:

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Shit mate that's not good but it could of been worse. You take care and as the others have said take your time with the healing prosses. Oh and leave those nurse alone.

[chanceyy]

Good luck with the healing process, just take the time it takes to heal properly.

I take it the bike was not insured with you donation comment :cry:

[portokiwi]

Shit mate, Glad to here you will get better. mmmmmmm nurses in there white uniforms...... look so pure but:devil2: ohhhh so dirty

[Donut]

nope no insurance :( i lost my licence a week ago so i cant get any :( kinda hard to rest up properly with work not understanding and my partner of 5 years leaving me a week ago for another guy.... seems like things only get worse for me :'(

[chanceyy]

ahhhhh well riding with no license thats your deal

girl leaving you for another guy - lucky break for you .. shrugs may not seem like it now but there are plenty more fish in the sea.

you should be on ACC & your work can not do a thing about that .. if they do well they will be in the crapper for that


so if this is as rough as it gets there is only one way & that is up .. so heal first .. do ya time walking, taking public transport & save ya money for new replacement wheels & spend the time checking out other girls :)

[karla]

nope no insurance :( i lost my licence a week ago so i cant get any :( kinda hard to rest up properly with work not understanding and my partner of 5 years leaving me a week ago for another guy.... seems like things only get worse for me :'(

If you're at rock bottom the only way is up. You have a lot more to prove now - don't let the Bastards beat you.

Your task for today (just a suggestion) is to write down where you want to be in a year's time, and what steps you need to take to get there. Better paying job with understanding employer, girlfriend who is able to commit, healing back and new bike. Even if you don't write down your wish list, I'd still like to hear back from you in a year's time. Seems like a long time, but it will pass quickly. Only 365 days.

We are all tested on the journey of life - maybe this is one of your first tests, so you get to make the story up as you go along now. Work hard at it and you will discover the one thing that no one can take away from you - faith and trust that we are survivors to our very core, no matter what obstacles life throws at us.

Hang it there - it gets better ~

[laserracer]

Hey just rest up, theres always other jobs, other woman, another bike,get well take it easy ,:yes:

[Donut]

im hoping this is rock bottom, but everytime ive thought that something else has gone wrong.....

on a positive note.... anyone want to trade me wrecked bike for a brand new gsxr600 k7 ? i hvae a totaled hyoslut gt250r who is a limited edidition in that its an extra specal piece of crap who i call "fluffy the destroyer of worlds" LOL

[CookMySock]

Just remember, while today is a little tough, in a year everything will be completely different and the world will still be turning. Today, a year may feel like a while, but in the overall scheme of things a year is just a piss in the bucket. You will be fine.

Thanks for the lesson for us though. Your post passed on to my learner kid.

Steve

[Radar]

Sorry to hear about your woes. Bummer.
Hey, you still have all of us, :rolleyes: your KB family.

Being immobile and having to pop pain killers doesn't sound too good so I hope you have a stack of DVD movies or a PS3 or something to keep you busy when you get tired of KB...

BTW thanks for your post as it reminds me of two things: Got to ring the insurance guy again to get my Strom insured, and I must wear my back protector more often (went for group ride yesterday but did not wear it).

[slimjim]

kia-kaha...you need too...and life throws a spanner in the work's every now and then....bright side..You Are Alive...and you will get up and going all in "Time"...spent three years in a wheelchair.three ter fusion.doctors said this and that.never walk..blah blah blah..proved to myself that they fucking barking at the wrong dog..have only thoughts of what today and tomorrow will begin...fuck yesterday mate...

[CB ARGH]

Oh dear... heal soon! :pinch:

[OutForADuck]

Heal soon and remember shit happens. Good to hear you still have use of it all... Lucky in that sort of a unlucky way.

[James Deuce]

Been there (still there). Broke c4 & 5 and T4 & 5.

I know what Karla is saying, but my advice is to ignore the cheery bastards (sorry karla) who try to push you to achieve and figure out what your own body is telling you and how best to react to that.

Postive affirmations can set you up for a huge sense of failure and you have to expunge all thoughts of any expectations in the short term, including I'm afraid, riding a bike. If you've avoided nerve damage of any sort, you'll be sweet. If you haven't you won't know until the fracture is healed and the inflammation has settled.

Day by day. Be happy being you, and don't burden your ego with labels, like motorcyclist, musician, son, worker, or anything else that you feel defines your being.

My most fervent hope for you is that it just heals and you go back to things how they were.

[HTFU]

Bad luck on the back.

<img src="http://da.thebrazzers.com/galleries/274/movies/01.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></div>

Pix had to be done... :cool:

[Gubb]

im hoping this is rock bottom, but everytime ive thought that something else has gone wrong.....

on a positive note.... anyone want to trade me wrecked bike for a brand new gsxr600 k7 ? i hvae a totaled hyoslut gt250r who is a limited edidition in that its an extra specal piece of crap who i call "fluffy the destroyer of worlds" LOL

Sounds like a sucky time matey. I can only empathise. You sure it's a good idea buying a GSX-R with no insurance, and no license though?

How much you after for the Hyosung?

[Al]

Bugger!
Take it easy bud, better to be cautious than in too much of a rush to get going again!
take care and heal well.

[Donut]

alot of good advise guys i really appreciate it. not sure what i want for the bike.... looking at fixing it and then selling it so i dont loose too much money..... just want to b back on the road again with all thats happening. seems like the only way i can let go of it all for a while.....

A ride a day keeps the suicide away

[discotex]

Dude that sucks.

Think a back protector would have stopped your back from breaking? I wear mine on the open road and have considered it for the daily commute as well.

[EJK]

Holy cow man! You are so lucky that you are not paralized!

[Choco]

Heal up quick and right man!

[Donut]

nah wouldnt of stoped it, doctor says that my back broke from a severe blow to the top of the head.... back protector wont stop that how ever it would of stoped alot of the bruising and swelling


Dude that sucks.

Think a back protector would have stopped your back from breaking? I wear mine on the open road and have considered it for the daily commute as well.

[discotex]

nah wouldnt of stoped it, doctor says that my back broke from a severe blow to the top of the head.... back protector wont stop that how ever it would of stoped alot of the bruising and swelling

Fark that's nasty. Guess you went head first into the gutter from the sound of it.

Hope it heals up quick. Stay positive man. Sounds like you're having a shit time but seriously there's people WAY worse off out there who have no hope of getting better. Remember that if you find yourself getting a bit stuck in self pity mode and it might help snap you out of it. Works for me anyway.

[mtroskill]

Soldier on bro... things WILL pick up.

[sAsLEX]

As a thought

<img src=http://www.evs-sports.com/product_images/full/301.jpg>

http://www.evs-sports.com/store/?category_id=4&item_id=216

Would that have helped?

[Donut]

i would like to think there are man but it only gets worse for me i have lost my partner and with it my health, i am waiting for a diabetes test result that i got because i have been blacking out, onve on the stove and once on the bike.... unjuries both times.... now i have a broken back..... i half own the house with my partner and just cant get away from it all... and now there is another guy involved, she isnt been fair to me and i feel like i am been used and strung along for the ride. but after 5 years im finding it really hard to let go..... pathetic i know but its just the way it is.

unfortunatly at the moment the only way isnt up because im damn sure i havent hit the bottom...... yet.....and ive already tried sucide which resulted in been arrested by 10 cops.... whats left for me :(


Fark that's nasty. Guess you went head first into the gutter from the sound of it.

Hope it heals up quick. Stay positive man. Sounds like you're having a shit time but seriously there's people WAY worse off out there who have no hope of getting better. Remember that if you find yourself getting a bit stuck in self pity mode and it might help snap you out of it. Works for me anyway.

[Donut]

probably but then again i woulda crashed earlier at a higher speed.. dont c how anyone can ride with one of those bloody things on


As a thought



http://www.evs-sports.com/store/?category_id=4&item_id=216

Would that have helped?

[EJK]

Would this have helped?


<img src="http://www.cars.com/features/autoshows/2006/newyork/coverage/images/07_Volvo_xc90_frontangle_mfr_430.jpg"></img>
joking buddy lol


Like someone above said, Solder on! Being paralized isn't funny (and thank goodness you are alright). My uncle was paralized during his early career (not bike related) but by seeing him on a chair with 4 wheels, it's really not funny. :bye:

[Warr]

Hey mate sorry to hear of your situation..not good. What ward are you in at hospital ?
I'm up there a couple of times a week with my recovery and happy to call by.

... ps You may not remember but I live over on Maitland St, 1 block from your place.

[Trumpess]

Donut .... Im so sorry to hear of your accident and injuries and on top of that your woes of life. It sucks.
Though I will say you are so lucky its not worse and your not flat on your back for the next year. That you have to be extremley thankfull of!
You have an angel looking after you!
My father is a paraplegic due to a work accident, once a lover of bikes but is no more. It is not a pleasent experience to go through, but it is most certianly a challenging one, for everyone involved in life.

I reckon you have come to crossroads in your life.
It is time to reflect during your healing process.
A chance to put things into perpective and perhaps get things right or make things better. This is your chance of doing that.
It will make you a better person (not that your not already) but it will make you stronger and wiser too!

All the best in getting back on your feet.

[discotex]

i would like to think there are man but it only gets worse for me

Dude that's pretty bad but it's still low on the suffering scale. I know it doesn't feel like it but there are 5 billion+ people on this planet and you still have a better life than more than half of them.

Think of the poor kids in West Africa who've been used as pawns in someone elses war. Can't read and write but can fire an ak47 at their mates. Think of all the people who lose limbs and worse from unexploded ordinance through no fault of their own. How about all the kids in africa who will die from HIV. The list goes on and on man. Kiwi's have if fucking cushy to be blunt.

Just gotta pick yourself up and start thinking of positive stuff rather than promoting the downward spiral. If you constantly think about how it'll get worse then I can guarantee it will. That much thought about it will make it a reality. Same applies for positive thought thankfully.

[karla]

It isn't weird for it to be hard to let go of your partner - that's human! You gotta go through the feelings - hate to tell anyone this 'cos I hate "feehling" myself. But there is no other way.

Suicide is a way out - if you want to end your life. But if you really want is to get over what you are feeling and come back to a normal way of being - that to me means no longer addicted to the idea of a relationship, sex or dependent on quick fixes like drugs or alcohol, then you need to let go of staying where you are and be willing to change. Life may end up being better than you have ever dreamed. Believe it or not, that is often the way when we bottom out. :)

You've started a recovery process by writing things down, keep doing that - get honest, keep on talking to people, get some counselling, do some group work with others who have been where you are now, and you will work through it.

Just suggestions - they worked for me, and it's easy for me to say that from the lighter side of the street. I didn't have an accident, I can't put myself in your shoes. But I was locked in a prison of my own making once, and now I am able to get out into the sunshine. You are worth it; believe and tell yourself that every day.

[James Deuce]

Dude that's pretty bad but it's still low on the suffering scale. I know it doesn't feel like it but there are 5 billion+ people on this planet and you still have a better life than more than half of them.

Think of the poor kids in West Africa who've been used as pawns in someone elses war. Can't read and write but can fire an ak47 at their mates. Think of all the people who lose limbs and worse from unexploded ordinance through no fault of their own. How about all the kids in africa who will die from HIV. The list goes on and on man. Kiwi's have if fucking cushy to be blunt.

Just gotta pick yourself up and start thinking of positive stuff rather than promoting the downward spiral. If you constantly think about how it'll get worse then I can guarantee it will. That much thought about it will make it a reality. Same applies for positive thought thankfully.

Dude, seriously, that's really, mega-unhelpful. This kind of "buck yourself up" stuff doesn't work and just encourages someone have a tough time to think even less of themselves.

Everyone's suffering is relative, and it deserves to be acknowledged and people deserve help, not back-handed criticism. Find someone a little less fragile to drop your message of doom on and try to understand that context is everything. In the context that encompasses Donut's life, he's having a shit time.

Donut, you'll get that from people who haven't ever, really suffered (which will no doubt get me in the crap with disco and earn a long winded rant about him having suffered in ways I can't imagine) and you need to dismiss it and the person delivering it as unhelpful.

I'll PM my phone number and you are welcome to use it any time. Make sure you talk to people who will listen and not rant back at you.

Auckland dudes and dudesses - someone get in touch with this guy and spend some time with him please. Someone make him a Sunday dinner, and don't make me come up there. Errr, please.

[Warr]

............
Auckland dudes and dudesses - someone get in touch with this guy and spend some time with him please. Someone make him a Sunday dinner, and don't make me come up there. Errr, please.
Hi JD, yep all 4 what you said. and am trying to get intouch with donut. And last time I saw him we was in hams :)

[Donut]

out of the wards now back at home just resting up.
im still at the same place as uncomfortable that is


Hi JD, yep all 4 what you said. and am trying to get intouch with donut. And last time I saw him we was in hams :)

[vtec]

Donut dude, suicide is the only way to really crystallise being a loser, it is the ultimate selfish act. I've contemplated it plenty of times, but I'm quite the philosopher. No matter how low you are, if you've got your freedom, and food to eat, water to drink and somewhere to sleep you've got everything you need.

Figure out what will make you happy. For me it was getting away as far as I could from my ex while she continued to fuck up other peoples lives. I still love her a bit, but she was/is a selfish bitch. So glad I didn't own property with her, and I was smart enough to know that no matter what I did, chances are she would have messed me up sooner or later, so I only did things that still left an out for me. I bought her a dog, but let her know at the time that it was her dog and she would get it, was a far safer option than having a baby with her which is what she wanted. A $1000 dog is a cheap price to pay for my freedom, and she loves him to bits (I loved him too, but you've got to make sacrifices and know when you are holding on to things to try and hold onto them).

If you own a property with her, whoever's living in it should buy out the other ones ownership. Simple. Cut ties, look after yourself, stop wanting stuff and things, and try being happy and fancy free for a while. I was messed up big time I left the country. Couldn't sleep properly for months and had massive depression issues, but gave me a chance to clear my head and get clear, and work out what I had that was worth having. A bitch torturing you is not worth having. In my opinion the bitch is far more likely to fuck you up than a motorcycle, but different guys handle it differently some are more passionate than others, and those ones suffer the worst.

Get your back better and start making yourself happy, stop subscribing to the worlds demands, and do what YOU want. Watch "into the wild". Watch "you me and dupree". Single guys have it all. I feel sorry for women. They aren't as easily pleased. In fact as Chris Rock said "you can fuck a woman with a diamond dick and she'll still complain. That diamond is cloudy, why didn't you get it at Tiffany's". Hahaha, and yes to the woman that have to suffer my vitriol I'm fully aware that this is a generalisation, and not all women are like that... Just the princesses.

P.S. And kids, don't do drugs. Had to drag my ex to hospital on XMas eve last year after she went on a drug and alcohol binge after we broke up and I'd bought my ticket to Australia. She'd dumped me twice before that. I blame the drugs mostly for making her unsalvagable in our relationship. Funny thing is apparently I'm a square.

[Warr]

........... - someone get in touch with this guy and spend some time with him please. Someone make him a Sunday dinner, and don't make me come up there. Errr, please.
Have found the Big C (Donut) man at home called around after my 2 physio appointments for the day.
He is a very lucky man.... after accident managed to wander around trying to move bike etc etc ..all in lots of pain...and wasnt until he visited hospital that the xrays showed the true extent of his injuries.
Someone in a similar situation may be off buying lotto tickets...
But the fact is he will be taking it quiet for some time to come. Which as hard as it is to endure, is all part of the mending the body and mind need to go through.
My accident has been an awakening to sort out personal stuff and you just have to do what needs to be done... for me that involves some professional councilling.
But I want to learn this lesson right. Destroying a m/bike and 10 days in hospital isnt something I want to repeat... Not to forget the months of recovery.....

[James Deuce]

Nice work Warr, thank you.

[discotex]

Dude, seriously, that's really, mega-unhelpful. This kind of "buck yourself up" stuff doesn't work and just encourages someone have a tough time to think even less of themselves.


Oooooook. All I said was "pick yourself up and start thinking of positive stuff". Sounds a little like your own advice:



Be happy being you




Everyone's suffering is relative, and it deserves to be acknowledged and people deserve help, not back-handed criticism. Find someone a little less fragile to drop your message of doom on and try to understand that context is everything. In the context that encompasses Donut's life, he's having a shit time.

Back handed criticism? You've clearly got unresolved issues that you're transferring onto my post. I have nothing but sincere and honest empathy with and for Donut's situation. I also totally acknowledge that for him right now, in hist world, shit is fucked up. Point is it doesn't have to stay that way.

I'm not dumping a message of gloom. If your only context is your own life you will always be unhappy because everything skews out of perspective - especially when you're depressed.



Donut, you'll get that from people who haven't ever, really suffered (which will no doubt get me in the crap with disco and earn a long winded rant about him having suffered in ways I can't imagine) and you need to dismiss it and the person delivering it as unhelpful.


Imply your own suffering was the worst ever and attempt to start a pissing contest. Ahh yeah whatever dude. Suggest you take a sip of your own medicine.

Lets give Donut the credit to make up his own mind about what works and doesn't work for HIM huh.

I think it's funny you presume to know anything about me and my life.



Auckland dudes and dudesses - someone get in touch with this guy and spend some time with him please. Someone make him a Sunday dinner, and don't make me come up there. Errr, please.

The one useful part of your post. Maybe you should have left it at that instead of having a misguided go at me huh.

[Dargor]

That sucks dude. Heal up, then go pwn some noobs:headbang:

[sweetp]

hey ya, it sounds like you are having a bit of a hard time at the moment, but things can only get better. My partner broke his back in a bike accident and it has caused problems ever since.

While i am not qualified to give any advice I do want to say hold off on buying another bike till you are sorted. Just because while you can ride again, the style of bike may alter due to your injury. You might want to wait till you can test ride a bike to see if you can handle riding it.

All the best mate, you have lots of kb'ers at your back.

[vtec]

Here's some more thoughts on how to help you get through this time. Although you have to maintain NO contact with the woman in question. Every time you contact her, you reset your break free countdown clock. Hahaha.

Walk everywhere you can. Observe nature, observe the people, observe the buildings, observe fashion, and try to appreciate the bits you like and don't focus on the bits you don't.

Listen to music. Get an mp3 player or something. That way you can do it while you walk.

Get regular exercise. At least once every second day. Try swimming, try cycling, try jogging. Do something where you can be alone with your thoughts. Go to the gym. Go kayaking. Go tramping. Go rock climbing. Go to track days. Spend as much time around new people as you can. Take every opportunity you can to have fun. Go paintballing, go go-karting. Do a team sport. You need a friend or few who are in a similar situation to you. Usually to find new friends you have to go to new places. I'd suggest trying to live in another country for a while. Watch good movies, but don't watch too much tv, it's a waste of life.

If your diet is suffering due to depression or just general male cooking apathy. Make sure you take a multi-vitamin/multi-mineral after breakfast. It will help with sore muscles, ability to concentrate and think straight, and most importantly your mental state. Cenovis do a really good cheap one 200tablets for like $15.

Just something else that helped me. I used to forget all the horrible crap my ex did to me, and it was a mission to remember it. She used to remember everything. Now you are trying to get clear and realise she's a heartless cow. Try writing down everything you can think of that she did to you that was cold/heartless/selfish/nasty. Every time you start to want her back you need to remind yourself of the things she did to you that you cannot forgive. Eventually for me, all I needed to do was think of the list I didn't even need to go through it after a while. Which was a lot less painful. I cry every time I read it, but I will keep it near for years to come.

Dream, have projects (like a 600cc go kart or fixing a damaged bike). Change your focus from relationships to creativity and adventure if you can. Go out and party, get laid if you can. Get drunk but not too often, and only with other people, you'll get the downer afterwards aswell so you have to be careful.

Be as nice as you can to your ex if you do have to communicate with her. That's the best way to help your self esteem. If you have to be nasty then she's got reason to be nasty back. But get to a point where there's no need to contact her ever again, and don't. If she contacts you, be kind, encouraging, and lovely, but make it hard for her to contact you. For me, the only way my ex can contact me is by email now, and I think she's got the message that I don't really need her anymore, and I don't think she needs me. I hope she can find happiness.

From where I'm sitting the woman has done much more damage to you than the broken back, and will take much longer to heal. Once your back is right, go and do some serious living man.

P.S. The list that I wrote of nasty things my ex did to me is 100 items long. It's been a year, and I still think about her pretty much every day. But with every passing month it's got easier, and when I've managed to date other women that I like I've managed to stop thinking about her for a couple of days at a time. Try your absolute hardest not to mention your ex on a date. It's a lot easier to ask a woman out if you are feeling damaged, cause you don't really care too much about the answer. Revel in being shot down, find humour and entertainment in it. Fear of rejection will just hamstring you.

[karla]

Here's some more thoughts on how to help you get through this time.

Bling bling bling ++ :) (you must spread the love before blinging Vtec again)

[Nasty]

if you don't have an MP3 player I may be able to help .. let me know.

[DarkLord]

Vtec has some good points. I totally agree with what he says about writing things down. I've done this a lot throughout my life and it has really helped me get through some very hard stuff. You've really seen some hard stuff recently too. That's given you a lot to work through.

From my experience, the best way to get through hardship like this is do not try to deny anything that has happened and do not try to deny the pain that this has caused you. I imagine you will be hurting a lot right now and from my experience the worst thing you can do is try and forget about it. Whenever I've tried to just "forget the past" all I've really been doing is bottling it up and storing it under the rug, so of course it is only going to come up and cause problems later on.

Find someone that you trust and don't be afraid to get really honest with them about everything. Do the best you can to be really honest with yourself about what has happened and about what you are feeling. It is never an easy journey, but it is a necessary one and I can guarantee you once you really get to the bottom of all you have been through you will come out the other end as a better, happier, healthier and far wiser person. You may need to seek out professional help for this kind of thing, but don't be afraid to do that - people like that are here for exactly this kind of situation. It will not make you any less of a man to reach out and ask for help - those who are honest and humble enough to realise that they cannot get through everything on their own are to be admired for their courage.

At the same time though you also need to take good care of yourself in a situation like this. Get lots of rest and don't be afraid to treat yourself every once in a while. You are a survivor and it is a miracle you are still alive - a good reason to treat yourself if you ask me! Don't push yourself too hard with anything. Use the physical recovery time to help you get your head around all that has happened to you but make sure you take it slow and easy as well.

Take it easy dude. Hope some of this helps. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

DarkLord

[El Santos]

dude tht sux, i don even know ya but i hope u heal soon man

peace bratha

[Radar]

Here's some more thoughts on how to help you get through this time. Although you have to maintain NO contact with the woman in question. Every time you contact her, you reset your break free countdown clock. Hahaha.

Walk everywhere you can. Observe nature, observe the people, observe the buildings, observe fashion, and try to appreciate the bits you like and don't focus on the bits you don't.

Listen to music. Get an mp3 player or something. That way you can do it while you walk. ......

Donut - vtec has very good practical advice.

Print what he says and read it again and again, every day, and ACT on it.

If you were go to a shrink I doubt if you would get better advice, and it would cost heaps!

And remember that sometimes you cannot do it all on your own, so get someone to come along and be there for you. All it takes is a phone call or PM.

[Donut]

im amazed at the help people are offering and how meny are offering it.
i really do appreciate it, its really hard for me to find anyone to talk to after my best mate commited suicide i really dont have anyone left that i feel comfortable enuff to talk to.... specially a shrink i was taken to the henry bennet 2 weeks ago.... not a nice experience.

all the advice you all have been giving me is giving me some direction in what i need to do, it is really hard for me to think for myself with all thats going on :( it really sucks

priorities for now are to heal up and get the bike healed up too so when i am able to ride i can... its the only release i have.
as for the damage to the bike the only things other then cosmetic are a f**ked front rim($650):( broken handlebar, no front indicators and the bracket for the pipe has been broken... oh and the foot brake is snaped off. am yet to find out if my forks are bent tho, the bike hit a concrete wall front tyre first at about 20k's heres hoping :D

could be a long repair... just hoping for some good fortune(lotto) but i think i may of used it all up on surviving :(... :D

[Donut]

:O got 2 blings now :D woot something positive :D and then negative there freakin yellow :( stupid netiqute and moderators lol grrens my favorite color :P

[CookMySock]

How are you feeling today bud?

I trust you have discovered the magic and science of drugs? 200mg Diclofenac is the bizo - it'll take the ouch out that nasty snapped bit, and help you sleep. A bit of the green is really helpful too.

Can you move around a bit? Try cooking something - cooking is fun, and its great for your self-esteem when everyone goes "yum that was nice bro", and if its a reject then you can just chuck it in the bin.


priorities for now are to heal up and get the bike healed up too so when i am able to ride i can... its the only release i have.
as for the damage to the bike the only things other then cosmetic are a f**ked front rim($650):( broken handlebar, no front indicators and the bracket for the pipe has been broken... oh and the foot brake is snaped off. am yet to find out if my forks are bent tho, the bike hit a concrete wall front tyre first at about 20k's heres hoping :D Theres lots of bits around on trademe and richardhyosung, so start hunting and emailing people! I won't go dig all them out for you, as you need all the interesting stuff to do that you can get. :lol:

It's gunna be a great day. :2thumbsup

Steve

[Nasty]

:O got 2 blings now :D woot something positive :D and then negative there freakin yellow :( stupid netiqute and moderators lol grrens my favorite color :P

Yellow is not a bling colour .. its a warning to remember the rules (quoting images ... makes it hard for those not on broadband to get through threads) ... but you have plenty of time to familirise with the rules now you can spend time of the computer instead of riding ;)

[Donut]

tired, i cant sleep from the pain, im sleeping every 3rd day just from exaustion im on 75mg dicoflenac 60mg codein and 1gram paracetemol and have tryed a bit of the green and it didnt help, got rid of the pain yes but with all alse thats going on it just made me waaaay to paro :S... so what color bling do i get if i keep getting warned lol


How are you feeling today bud?

I trust you have discovered the magic and science of drugs? 200mg Diclofenac is the bizo - it'll take the ouch out that nasty snapped bit, and help you sleep. A bit of the green is really helpful too.

Can you move around a bit? Try cooking something - cooking is fun, and its great for your self-esteem when everyone goes "yum that was nice bro", and if its a reject then you can just chuck it in the bin.

Theres lots of bits around on trademe and richardhyosung, so start hunting and emailing people! I won't go dig all them out for you, as you need all the interesting stuff to do that you can get. :lol:

It's gunna be a great day. :2thumbsup

Steve

[jrandom]

Here's some more thoughts on how to help you get through this time.

vtec really knows what he's talking about. Pay heed!

:sunny:

[jonbuoy]

vtec really knows what he's talking about. Pay heed!

:sunny:

+1, & don't go getting bitter and twisted & thinking all women are evil, there are some outstanding ones out there too - just keep looking and putting it about. And don't ever let someone have that sort of power over you ever again :msn-wink:

[karla]

+1, & don't go getting bitter and twisted & thinking all women are evil, there are some outstanding ones out there too - just keep looking and putting it about. And don't ever let someone have that sort of power over you ever again :msn-wink:

Boy, this thread has some outstanding stuff, I'm humbled.

I agree with Jon - there are ways to prevent losing our power in relationships - good lessons to be learnt while we are in "withdrawal" and before we attempt to have another relationship. Relationships can be like a drug addiction - wonderful to have the choice but deadly if hooked or having to go cold turkey.

Google relationship addiction, there is plenty of help out there 'cos there are many others who used to suffer as well. Those who do not make it through or suicide often do so because they never knew there was a solution.

Sleep is our bodies way of healing itself, don't fight it :)

[Donut]

shows us bikers arnt just road raged rugged peoples...
i aint fighting the sleep its the pain im in that keeps me from sleeping, tripped out on condine last night nd i still couldnt get to sleep :(

good old google has the answer for everything huh :P ill try it


Boy, this thread has some outstanding stuff, I'm humbled.

I agree with Jon - there are ways to prevent losing our power in relationships - good lessons to be learnt while we are in "withdrawal" and before we attempt to have another relationship. Relationships can be like a drug addiction - wonderful to have the choice but deadly if hooked or having to go cold turkey.

Google relationship addiction, there is plenty of help out there 'cos there are many others who used to suffer as well. Those who do not make it through or suicide often do so because they never knew there was a solution.

Sleep is our bodies way of healing itself, don't fight it :)

[vtec]

So have you managed to split your assets fully yet? I want an update on your progress. You've got time on your hands to work out fair solutions. Only once you can stop having anything to do with her will you be able to start making progress. It will be hard work the first six months but it's life, and how we deal with the hard times makes us who we are, and actually I know I'm 100x stronger than I was before I went through my tough times. Every time you want to contact her just remind yourself that you'll reset your "break free timer".

No more self destruction mate. Now it's all about freedom fun and life. Another tack you can try, but it might do your head in is trying to improve yourself to the point where you are way out of your ex's league, but again that's going to do your head in a bit because it means you are hanging on to material things, and you are really doing it to prove yourself to her. I started my mending process this way, but then it started to conflict with some of my freedom philosophy's.

Work out who you are trying to do things for. I had issues with constantly needing to prove myself to my parents and grandparents and other relatives and friends. Only leaving the country let me get clear of their expectations, and what a relief it was. Now I know something will come along eventually, and if it doesn't I'll make sure I've enjoyed as much of my life as I can regardless.

Remember, a life without hard times is a life without purpose and meaning. And most likely not a very memorable life. You are creating the "Donut" story, it will enrich your personality and you will gain wisdom from all this crap. Seriously watch "into the wild" then "you me and dupree". And don't smoke weed. I'm not a fan of medicating most mental illnesses.

I've got friends who are bi-polar, OCD, and Manic depressives. The bi-polar guy (I think his cause is hereditary) can get scary so he needs something, but I think a lot of his mental damage is from being on the drugs too long, he thinks smoking weed kicked off his illness. The OCD guy (a brilliant long distance runner), his illness is on the mend with the help of councilling, the drugs he was on for it were bad news and has managed to get clear of them. My manic depressive friend, I believe his depression was caused by exercise addiction (he was an awesome Ironman), he used to drink himself to oblivion and attempted suicide which is why his wife left, he's not on medication anymore, and again just some good councilling has helped him. Funny thing is they are ALL amazing guys, and the best company in the world.

I question my sanity sometimes, but I've always managed to get through it with some deep thinking and some smart friends giving me good advice. I think the first time I really wanted to suicide I was probably about 12, but now I know it'll never even be considered because I've got some sweet philosophy's that I live by.

It's hard to explain all my philosophys, I'd need to write a thesis about them. Let's just say that it looks at the really big picture, but I don't believe in god as such.

Another thing, if you find the hurt builds up, you have to let it out. This is going to sound whimpy, but seriously get somewhere where you can just houl and nobody can hear, I remember doing it while riding my motorbike over 100. Nobody else can hear, and you are alone. A big part of my depressive mate's problem is that he can't cry... ever, I think that's destroying him. I'm back in NZ this saturday, so I'll catch up with him. Not sure if I'm fully ready to be back.

This was when I first broke down properly:
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?p=1144718#post1144718
Before the ex finally broke me about this time last year and I bought my ticket to Aussie that very same night.

[Donut]

So have you managed to split your assets fully yet? I want an update on your progress. You've got time on your hands to work out fair solutions. Only once you can stop having anything to do with her will you be able to start making progress. It will be hard work the first six months but it's life, and how we deal with the hard times makes us who we are, and actually I know I'm 100x stronger than I was before I went through my tough times. Every time you want to contact her just remind yourself that you'll reset your "break free timer".


spliting the assets.... its not going to work i went to the bank today to see about finacial advise with regards to selling the house or having her buy me out, we bought the house for 252k, with the recesion it is now work 187... selling the house or having her buy me out would make me bankrupt. i cant move out because at the moment i have nowhere i cant afford it and i cant do anything for myself not even shower... but yes i can go to the toilet :P



No more self destruction mate. Now it's all about freedom fun and life. Another tack you can try, but it might do your head in is trying to improve yourself to the point where you are way out of your ex's league, but again that's going to do your head in a bit because it means you are hanging on to material things, and you are really doing it to prove yourself to her. I started my mending process this way, but then it started to conflict with some of my freedom philosophy's.


self destruction... yeah im on the mend getting better as for having fun im not sure i can ever ride a bike again with the way my back is going at the moment, hence seeing the bank today i wanted to find out if i could get a 5k loan to buy a car otherwise im screwed i cant get to work or anything i have no transport.....turns out im screwed i have one last option and that is asking my father in law for a loan but i dont like my chances. he is curently going through devorce with my mother and has had to buy her a house



Work out who you are trying to do things for. I had issues with constantly needing to prove myself to my parents and grandparents and other relatives and friends. Only leaving the country let me get clear of their expectations, and what a relief it was. Now I know something will come along eventually, and if it doesn't I'll make sure I've enjoyed as much of my life as I can regardless.


i am trying to do things for myself but nothing seems to work out and living with her means that i am constanly doing things for her and following her around with my tail between my legs. which means my break free clock hasnt even started yet. so far the only clock i have is the number of days with out sleep. leaving the country i feel would be the best thing for me but theres that same problem i cant afford it. i have completly tied myself down with this damn house



Remember, a life without hard times is a life without purpose and meaning. And most likely not a very memorable life. You are creating the "Donut" story, it will enrich your personality and you will gain wisdom from all this crap. Seriously watch "into the wild" then "you me and dupree". And don't smoke weed. I'm not a fan of medicating most mental illnesses.

im no drugie i smoked weed twice in the last week to try and relieve the pain. previously i hadnt touched any form of illegal drug in over 7 years and it didnt work either times so i am not going to try it again




I question my sanity sometimes, but I've always managed to get through it with some deep thinking and some smart friends giving me good advice. I think the first time I really wanted to suicide I was probably about 12, but now I know it'll never even be considered because I've got some sweet philosophy's that I live by.

all my philosiphys have been destroyed by what has happend, i dont no who i am anymore. after all this i think donut will be a former self, i dont want anything the same i want a completly new life new friends new surrounds new family... unfortunatly im stuck with what ive got.
god is just a figment of imagination im with you on the disbeleif





Another thing, if you find the hurt builds up, you have to let it out. This is going to sound whimpy, but seriously get somewhere where you can just houl and nobody can hear, I remember doing it while riding my motorbike over 100. Nobody else can hear, and you are alone. A big part of my depressive mate's problem is that he can't cry... ever, I think that's destroying him. I'm back in NZ this saturday, so I'll catch up with him. Not sure if I'm fully ready to be back.

i cant ride the bike so i cant shout it all out on there and i have no other transport to get away and have that space... i can also hardly walk and there really is no where close enuff for me to walk to. oh and it hurts to shout :P :(
i really do hope it goes well for you on saturday and for how ever long your down for and i appreciate all the help, from you and everyone :) and sorry for the shit grammar :P

[vtec]

Jesus that's tough mate. I think you know what you have to do now. It's not worth your life.

Sometimes you have to be broken to be fixed. You probably can't see this right now. Does the woman care about you enough to let you go? Maybe you need a mediator to help you escape.

You'll probably have to suck it up and take the shit till your back is good enough for you to look after yourself. Then do the mediation and property splitting. You need to do it.

I feel sick in my stomach thinking about if I was in that situation with my ex. Stay strong man. You'll get there. And you'll make new philosophy's while you go through the mending phase. Maybe you need a counsellor to help you decide how to escape, it sounds like she's making it hard for you. Does she realise what she's doing to you? You can't be in that same house mate. Do you have family you can stay with? Can you pull your stuff out?

And with regard to the bank giving you financial advice. They can get fucked. hahahahaha. They will say that's not an option, because they will lose heaps of money on it. Fuck 'em. Go bankrupt, they have caused part of your problem and should thusly be shafted. Just try and get out the stuff that's important to you first, give it to your family or friends or something to hold onto for you.

If you're bankrupt, you're bankrupt. No point trying to dig yourself out of that hole to help a woman that doesn't give a shit about you. Separate and go through bankruptcy proceedings. I don't see house prices rebounding for a long time. In fact I predict further declines. Have PM'd you with further advice. It's not worth your life. Go and remake yourself anew. This is taking back your freedom and balls. And you smashed your Hyosung up anyway, so they are welcome to take a smashed bike off you (plus it's just a Hyobag). This will solve all of your problems.

Don't think for a second you're the only one going through financial hardship/failure. Most of the world is. It's rooted. So there's no need to feel embarrassed about it. Read this:
http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article7601.html
Market oracle kicks arse. New world order coming mate. Productive economy might get the chance to earn its worth and the vampire economy called the financial sector hopefully gets put in a shallow grave.

Get a touring bicycle a tent and rice and vitamins and go visiting KB'ers on it around NZ. Can you taste the freedom now. You would become legendary. Just have to wait for the back to heal then it'll all fall into place. Don't tell the evil one your new scheme. From what you've told me you've got nothing in your life worth holding on to. You're truly free. I'd be jealous if I wasn't nearly that free myself. Or perhaps you could go work on a fishing trawler. What do you do for a living? Does it make you happy? Try and think of a job no matter how menial or wonderful that could help you relax and daydream. Maybe a high rise window cleaner, or a posty. You don't have to do it forever, something better will probably come along, but you might fall in love with the simpler life. Let go of everything trapping you and making you unhappy and desperate, stop wanting stuff. Try wanting happiness and life experiences. Life is about people and experiences not stuff.

Let me know when you've watched "into the wild" and "you me and dupree". I want a review from you about them.

Remember, be the complete charmer with the ex. It'll do you a world of good. Even if you hate her, treat her well until you've escaped. Hehehe. And be nice forever. It's the best thing you can do. But be convincing. Don't be so nice that it's greasy or looks like you're trying to get back with her. Just be straight with her but as congenial as possible.

Other people please feel free to comment on my these ideas. I don't want to get Donut into further difficulties, I need someone who's not as damaged as me to provide some impartial light on the situation.

[Donut]

donut just hit rock bottom.
the ex told me basically that she was trying to decide between me or him, and she told me to take a step back and just b a friend and that thats all this other guy was and all he was doing too... sounds fair and reasonable...ok

he asked her to come stay with him for the night to help clear her confusion ..... yeah wtf and ive taken a step back and that she has said the same to him ......
then he txts a msg with i miss you muah xoxo one hundred times over......

what the fuck why does she lie to me why is this unfair on me why am i treated like shit and draged through the mud as a back up ..... why cant i hate her, why cant i not keep going back for more crap treatment whats wrong with me. i dont know what to do and i dont know if i can handle this crap WHAT DO I DO!

[jrandom]

i dont know what to do and i dont know if i can handle this crap WHAT DO I DO!

Bro, you need to cut her out of your life. Right now. She is being downright evil and fucking your head up.

Burn all bitches!

It's probably real hard to see right now, but there really are plenty more fish in the sea. You almost certainly have a long and happy life ahead of you with women who care about you and treat you well, but you must take the first step now by chopping out the cancer that's strangling your mind.

Tell her to never contact you again, and then be strong and stick with that.

Work on your feelings without her as a part of your life. In that situation, they will quickly clarify and you will find your anger and self-respect, and you'll be able to work through it and come out the other side.

Kia kaha!

[roy.nz]

Sorry to hear that mate. At least you can still walk again. Peace out :headbang:

[roy.nz]

donut just hit rock bottom.
the ex told me basically that she was trying to decide between me or him, and she told me to take a step back and just b a friend and that thats all this other guy was and all he was doing too... sounds fair and reasonable...ok

he asked her to come stay with him for the night to help clear her confusion ..... yeah wtf and ive taken a step back and that she has said the same to him ......
then he txts a msg with i miss you muah xoxo one hundred times over......

what the fuck why does she lie to me why is this unfair on me why am i treated like shit and draged through the mud as a back up ..... why cant i hate her, why cant i not keep going back for more crap treatment whats wrong with me. i dont know what to do and i dont know if i can handle this crap WHAT DO I DO!

Mate give her a big drop kick outa your life, she is just gonna fuck your head over. Some woman can be so cruel..:rockon:

[karla]

It's not easy to let go. Relationships make us feel good at the start, then they stop working but we keep on looking to them to get a high, even when they are killing us. We say "I cannot live without this", yet we cannot live with it.

When we lose the power of choice we also lose respect for ourselves, and along with that confidence and trust.

You are worth more - what would you tell your best friend if this were him going through this?

It is like a balance sheet - you do not lose points when you make a stand, you gain. Sometimes it is not until we are completely bankrupt - financially, emotionally and spiritually, that we are able to start again.

I hated it when people told me this, but it is true - sometimes the worst things that could ever happen to us, turn out to be the best.

Kia Kaha ~

[Donut]

i think one of the worst things for me at the moment is that im not even worried about myself i am just trying to do right by her and make sure she is ok even though i was the one that was done wrong by. but when i see the state she is in i want nothing more then to be there for her and help her, just hurts to feel that this dosent work both ways

at the moment the only place i have to talk to anyone is on here, im just letting it out... i would usually talk to my 2 best mates who are a couple but the other night they went off at me and told me im not even a man anymore and all this other nasty shit so i told them to fuck off and leave me alone and never contact me again. sucks to no that everyday i just get more alone

[jrandom]

i told them to fuck off and leave me alone and never contact me again.

You just did that to the wrong people.


sucks to no that everyday i just get more alone

You make your choices...

There does come a point where you basically turn into a whinging pussy. Try not to reach that point eh?

[Donut]

yeah i no, ive just told her to fuck off and get out of my life so hopefully shit should b looking up now, just gave up my house and everything going to c my lawyer about bankrupcy and all that crap just so i can get away from it all

[Madness]

Donut, the advice that the others are giving above is pretty hard medicine to take, I know.

I went through a period a few years ago, my girlfriend left me and all I could do for months was to try and win her back. There were no other people involved in the equation, just her and the fairy-tales in her head. I succeeded in the end (or thought I had) and we moved back in together. This lasted for almost a year (can't really remember - too many drugs) and I thought everything was going well. I left for work one morning, told her I loved her and kissed her goodbye before leaving for work. I returned that evening to find the house half empty. Initially I thought we had been burgled, soon to realise that she had again moved out whilst I had been at work. This was the second time around, I was depressed for about an hour and a half. The truth is, we were incompatible and she could see this, I soon started to see it after the hour and a half. My only regret now is not letting go of her in the first instance, the second round in hindsight was a complete waste of life. I moved on to enjoy a few casual relationships for a while (best goddam sex ever!) and later met Her Indoors, whom I plan to make an honest woman of one day.

Your friends are probably seeming harsh in their advice to you. It's hard to swallow, but they have your interests at heart. Your situation sucks because the relationship issues are beng complicated by your injuries and finances. I don't know what else to say that hasn't been said already, apart from hang in there bro, there's a whole new life for you just waiting around the corner (or maybe the corner after that).

[vtec]

yeah i no, ive just told her to fuck off and get out of my life so hopefully shit should b looking up now, just gave up my house and everything going to c my lawyer about bankrupcy and all that crap just so i can get away from it all

From what you've added, she doesn't really care about you at all. She's digustingly evil and should be purged. She's a master manipulator mind-fucker and she's USING YOU. Those two words are the most painful I found. Someone I had trusted and loved and cared for and helped through hard times. When through my love clouded head I managed to see what she was doing that one realisation cut to the bone, and that was the true climax of my anger. Then I broke down and bought my ticket to Melbourne. I'm actually at the airport right now, using the $2/20minute session computers, one year later returning home, it's taken me this long to be comfortable about going back to NZ. Still I'm physically afraid of bumping into her, she'd still have a powerful affect on me.

Got some Port Royal Original tobacco if anyone's interested, duty free.

You bloody legend. You're taking control. I just had a tear well up in my eye. Awesome.

[SARGE]

Dude that's pretty bad but it's still low on the suffering scale. I know it doesn't feel like it but there are 5 billion+ people on this planet and you still have a better life than more than half of them.

Think of the poor kids in West Africa who've been used as pawns in someone elses war. Can't read and write but can fire an ak47 at their mates. Think of all the people who lose limbs and worse from unexploded ordinance through no fault of their own. How about all the kids in africa who will die from HIV. The list goes on and on man. Kiwi's have if fucking cushy to be blunt.
.

Buzzkill....

[SARGE]

+1, & don't go getting bitter and twisted & thinking all women are evil,

BUT...BUT...BuT....!??!...

[wbks]

remember kids, there are kids living in hell in africa, so don't EVER cry, or get pissed off, or not finish your food, or indulge in expensive clothing, or...

[Donut]

im keen on some ciggies, where bouts in nz r ya? im in hamilton how much you want for em?


From what you've added, she doesn't really care about you at all. She's digustingly evil and should be purged. She's a master manipulator mind-fucker and she's USING YOU. Those two words are the most painful I found. Someone I had trusted and loved and cared for and helped through hard times. When through my love clouded head I managed to see what she was doing that one realisation cut to the bone, and that was the true climax of my anger. Then I broke down and bought my ticket to Melbourne. I'm actually at the airport right now, using the $2/20minute session computers, one year later returning home, it's taken me this long to be comfortable about going back to NZ. Still I'm physically afraid of bumping into her, she'd still have a powerful affect on me.

Got some Port Royal Original tobacco if anyone's interested, duty free.

You bloody legend. You're taking control. I just had a tear well up in my eye. Awesome.

[Donut]

so i went and seen the specialist yesterday about my back pain and how long its going to take to heal... the guys was blunt as shit and sait it will be a miracle if i get any better then i am now :s not sure if ill ever be riding again :'( and to add to it becaus ei have seen 4 different doctors now they have over prescribed a nasty of drugs and as a result i am now having kidney problems :'( so now im off all pain releif and in agony all day, only thing im allowed is a sleeping pill at night, which by the way knocks me out cold :D lol