Hope

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

This is my second night without sleep. After the day I have had I thought I would fall asleep thru shear exhaustion but my mind is too busy. Sorry if I ramble.

My friend Ahu - I have known him for nigh on 7 years and we are very close. Like a married couple without the sex lol. People have often thought we are a couple as we do so much together.

I had coffee with him last nite and he advised me he had chest pains - I told him to get to a dr asap - and that he would end up in a box very soon - he is very stubborn and ignored me. I don't take this personally lol.

This morning I got a call saying he had had a heart attack at work and they were resuscitating him. I dashed to the hospital - I am listed as his next of kin. 2 doctors pulled me aside into a private room and advised me that it was extremely unlike that Ahu will survive - he had been without full oxygen for 22 minutes. Altho his workmates did cpr and mouth to mouth - not alot of oxygen actually gets thru well not like the heart can pump around. The docs said his mates did a stirling job. He was trussed up like a turkey - I took his hand and whispered in his ear "Babe its Shirley, come on you stubborn bastard don't you dare kark it" well his whole body jumped - I got a hell of a fright cos they told me they had paralysed him.

Eventually we get to ICU. They explain everything very clearly of what and why they are doing things. They have to get his body to hypothermia stage. To this end he had a "freezing blanket" beneath him - this was not bringing his body temperature down - so they put one on top - as well - after trying ice under his arms and on his groin. Have I mentioned that this guy is really stubborn?? He is the first to admit it too. Still his temperature was not coming down - if he pulls through I can hear him saying "Its because I'm such hot stuff Shirl".

His nurse is lovely and he will appreciate that she is a blonde as well. I whispered that info into his ear.

I was told to go home and sleep. They would call me if there was any change but he was on the life support machine so I felt comforted that it was safe to leave him and the Nurse said I needed to look after myself as well.

Tomorrow, now, today, they will start taking some of the tubes out of him and take him of the machines and see if he survives.

I have hope because the Nurse told me he was semi breathing on his own but taking him off the machines would be the test.

We had spoken about funerals for each other 3 weeks ago.

Thank god for my program - one day at a time - I don't have fear =I do have faith. If he goes then it is meant to be - God I will miss him so much - but I will not think along those lines. While there is life there is hope. I am lucky to have been a part of his journey this far. I love him dearly. When I was diagnosed he told me he went home and cried and asked God why was he doing this to his best friend. Also his brother died at the same time and he could not handle both so took time out - I fully understood this and he contacted me 2 months later.

I have the Dr today - I'm not allowed to be at the hospital until 10.30am anyway. But I can ring them any time. I cannot sing their praises highly enough, having said that, I have just rung through and they cut me off 3 times!!! Well he now has a male nurse - I won't be telling him that tho lol. He was not so positive, said his heart beat was very erratic - he mentioned that Ahu's body temperature had not dropped - when I left it was 35.7 they want it down to 34 - however it has risen to 37.2. I'm never gonna hear the end of this when he pulls through.

We are both stubborn, and speak our minds - so there have been some interesting times, we have had sing-a long sessions - he has a great singing voice and plays the guitar beautifully - I can't sing - but he kept encouraging me and saying yes I was in tune. We share a lot of laughter - his one liners are classic at times and I still burst out laughing recalling them.

Maybe it is not appropriate to post something like this, however, I needed an outlet and I am in good spirits. Takes my mind of my pitiful problems that seemed so big 24 hours ago lol.

I know my life must seem like one crisis after another but with each challenge has come a depth of serenity, peace and strength - I don't get angry, and think why me - why not. Nothing really surprises me anymore - no - that is not strictly true - people's kindness towards me during these challenges has been such a bonus. I meant when shit happens it doesn't really surprise me these days.

Thank you for listening to me. :wari:


I hope the next 24 hours pass quickly. We had also spoken about "pulling the plug". I have conveyed his wishes to ICU. Ahu is a workaholic - loves work, if he has a long rehabilitation he will be the most dreadful patient. I just don't want to see him suffer.

[Paul in NZ]

Oh gawd - lifes passages is not always a smooth ones hey?

Hope it works out for you shirl - sounds pretty grim stuff and we can't imagine how it must feel. Stay stong, stay safe and good luck for today - we will be thinking of you for sure.

[Nasty]

Thinking of you Shirley ....

[Aslan]

thinking of you Shirley - meeting folk like you on life's journey is a privelege - God Bless you and Ahu - am off to the Central Plateau with Brian and others this weekend - old buggers behaving stupidly - will be sure to think of you along the way - take care Shirley

[LittleRichard]

Sorry to hear about this. I'm only new here, but you've got my support. It's really tough. By the sounds of it, though, so are you and your mate. That counts for a lot. ;)

[Storm]

Thats not cool:( Heres hoping your mate pulls through and you can look back and laugh about this whole thing.

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Hope your mate can pull through with no complications Shirl i will be thinking of you but most inportant thing is you do what the nurse said and take care of yourself as you won't be any use to him if you fall ill as well even simple things like a flue wil keep you away from Ahu so don't forget rest up and eat.:hug:

[Mom]

Kia kaha Shirley! Hour by hour, day by day. Love and best wishes going to you both. Take care of yourself love.

[portokiwi]

:hug:Stay strong Shirley, We are all with you wishing for Ahu's recovery.

[karla]

Thank you for sharing this part of your journey, even as a stranger I get a feeling of connection. I think it's the hardest lesson of all, letting go and letting God. Not just for you, for your friend and mate as well.

I echo Mom's sentiment - kia kaha, strength to you both.

[merv]

Best wishes to you both Shirley.

[LilSel]

*hugs* Sending warm wishes your way.
We got a phone call at 7am this morning, auntie in rotorua passed away, were told yesterday that she was in hospital & not expected to make end of the week. Poppa is also gravely ill in tauranga hospital & not expected to make it to next week, when it rains it pours aye. I can certainly relate at this time, the uncertainty is hard.

My thoughts are with you, stay strong for Ahu & know your friends & kb family are thinking of you too :hug:

[vifferman]

Hey, that's not good. :no:
I'll be thinking of you and Ahu today - I hope things work out for the best.

[slimjim]

yes..so the saying goes..take care of yourself as well...can be a stress full time and it needs time...and thoughts of you both...

[MyGSXF]

I drew a Goddess Card out for you Shirley.. it is "Sekhmet".. This Eqyptan sun goddess is a fiery protector. Her name means "strong & mighty". She says.. "You are stronger than you think you are, and your strength assures a happy outcome". Call upon her to shore up your strength & power :sunny:

Sending love & light to you & Ahu

Jen :hug:

[Skyryder]

Hope is the ultimate soul food. It nourishes and reinvigorates in the midst of the famine of despair. It provides light where all about is shadow and uncertainty. Hope is fed from within, and only requires faith for its fertilization and growth.

Skyryder

[Al]

Stay strong Shirley.
You are Ahu's best mate and that is so good!
You are both in our thoughts and prayers.

Al

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

I have tears rolling down my face - thank you all for your kind words, love and support. I have had the most awesome day.

I didn't sleep a wink last nite - I started planning for Ahu's funeral in a half hearted way - after my call to ICU at around 3.30am I think. I also thought I had better try and contact his family - who are that in name only. Don't know their names at all. I was advised by another Maori friend Peta, that they would come and take him back home - I advised he did not want that and wanted his ashes scattered over Karori Sanctuary - he helped build all the new tracks etc. After the way his family have hurt him - I wanted to say suck the kumera baby - but knew I had no right and I respect his culture too much. Ahu is a full blooded Maori and I could listen to him sing in his own language for hours. As said above, Let go, Let God.

Well I got a call from Peta and he had a woman friend beside him who knew Ahu's Aunt etc. I knew this woman and blanched cos I knew Ahu's distaste of her and I did not trust her - I was proven right - she rang ICU and lied - said she was whanau ya de ya. I had visions of the upcoming shit fight and thought - nope don't go there - it is so not going to happen.

Got to the hospital at 10.20am. Lovely blonde Nurse Kelly is on again I felt at ease.

Well I witnessed the most beautiful miracle today. If I had not seen it all unfolding before my eyes I would never have believed it.

Ahu's limbs were moving, his eyes would open briefly - he turned to me at the sound of my voice and opened his eyes fully - but lights on nobody's home - but hey progress. Then it was all on - no way was he having this tube stuck down his gob, his hands went up to his face, I had to use both hands to keep his arm down as did Kelly on the other side. Crikey this guy is strong. A few more developments and then Kelly said she could now take out the tube - wow he was beginning to resemble the Ahu I knew. His boss arrived. I had a break and came back to find Ahu sitting up in bed and Kelly was trying to feed him yoghurt - I burst out laughing and said good luck - Ahu put his hand to his face and wiped it away - he was having none of that crap in his mouth, a good sign of recovery.

All was going well until Ahu decided he wanted to get out of bed - now the lights were on but still nobody home - If Luke had not been there to help restrain him, Ahu would have succeeded in his mission - Kelly had to call out for help - she couldn't get to the emergency button - and she said she needed sedation drugs quickly. Then Ahu spoke "Fuck" then "Fuck" again. Ok that's great he has speech lol. A steady stream of visitors - and a lot of love surrounding him - it was - to use a word he loves - "awesome".

This guy has done so much for so many people and done it quietly with no fanfare - it is not until something like this happens and everyone of those people came to visit him - that you realised the capacity of this guy's giving. Funnily enough the word "stubborn" kept cropping up when describing Ahu.

Yesterday I had gone thru Ahu's phone and left a message asking them to contact me, and what connection they had with Ahu = friend or relation - cos I did not know names of his brothers and sisters. I was lucky that one was his ex wife and what a wonderful lady she is. They remain good friends and she had so many positive things to say about him - a great tribute to them both and I actually don't know how to describe how I feel - I think it is awe, humility, respect.

I am totally exhausted and the brain is shutting down - the breathing tube had to go back in and they had to sedate him so that his brain could rest and heal and immobilise him so that he couldn't get out of bed - he made a couple of more attempts so up went the amount of sedation drug. Now I'm the one with lights on nobody's home. But I can rest easy tonite - I have written only a small portion of the many wonderful things that happened today and the txt msgs from various people wanting to know how Ahu was.

Ahu is a true warrior (sp?) The next couple of days will show us if he has brain damage or not - whether he makes a full recovery and walks out of there - we believe he will - but we will cross those bridges as we come to them.

Kelly is the most amazing Nurse, patient, understanding of family/friend dynamics, cheerful and explained things in great detail to me. I thanked her tonite for all she had done - gnite

[riffer]

Bloody hell, that's one hell of a rollercoaster ride you and Ahu have both been on the last few days!

Best wishes to you both Shirley.

[discotex]

I hope there's a lot more good news to come. Must be heart wrenching BMW.

[ynot slow]

Unreal is just a word,never give up another.Friend is another but bloody marvelous you rock sums it up.

[Mrs Busa Pete]

That's great new's shirl hope all is still going well. Are you looking after yourself as well though:hug:

[vifferman]

Let's hope and pray that the oxygen deprivation hasn't caused major irreparable damage to Ahu's brain - that might be more tragic than if he'd passed away. Sounds like he's a battler though, so let's hope for the best and that he continues to improve.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

I do believe in miracles and I have witnessed one this week. Ahu has made a full recovery, apart from a bad memory but drs say his brains will unscramble over the next week. I nearly said he'd didn't have any before this so that will be a bonus. lol

At 6.30AM this morning - the phone woke me - it doesn't normally - I was dead to the world then I hear this "Hi Shirl, its Ahu, haven't seen you for ages, guess where I am - in hospital" Crikey I wondered what planet I was on. I said "Yes dear I know I've been with you nite and day for the last 3 days". Yeah??? he said. Anyway come and see me now Shirl.

I'm sure I was sleep walking - got us some real coffees and went to see him. He was looking bright and cheerful and his old self. All he remembers is having a sharp pain and that is that. I soon realised his memory was stuffed. I'd probably been there 10 mins and he said "I want to go home now". That comment was repeated so many times during the day.

It has been a hard day for him - the shock, the emotional side of it. He's a very proud and private man, and the most important thing is for him to know he's not going to go thru this alone, he hates being powerless and out of control. I think we all have that in us at times.

They close the ward between 2 and 4pm - I was able to go have a nanny nap at his place - he lives next door to the hospital lol. If I hadn't set the alarm I probably would have slept thru to the morning.

Crikey going from Intensive Care to a Ward is like going from a 5 start hotel to a Backpackers. No disrespect to the staff in the ward but in ICU he has his own Nurse 24 hours a day. In the ward the Nurse has to look after many patients and simply they don't have enough nurses on.

His meals would arrive, so I had to pull his bed up so he could eat. Find a nurse so he could have pain relief - and other things when one is not allowed out of bed. I reckon Nurses are the most hard-done by profession there is. Totally underpaid and overworked and have the responsibility of life on their hands.

And hospital food is shite. So I walked up to the shops and got him some real food. Tomorrow I am making sandwiches and taking them with me.

I finally left about 7.30pm tonite. I hated leaving him there I gotta admit. I know what it is like to be on your own and you have a major sickness calamity and everything is so unknown.

Ahu has thanked me for supporting him - many times today. I reminded him of our friendship - where there have been times we have not spoken to each other for some months - one of us has had a hissy fit and both of us can be stubborn lol yet we have always got back in contact with each other and grown from there. That is life.

I know the next few weeks are not going to be easy for him. But he will get thru - he's a fighter.

The events of the last week have certainly enriched my life and taken my mind off my own problems. I am on new meds for my condition and they are working well. And I will get more sleep now that he is in the ward.

The doctors and nurses are amazed he even pulled through and so quickly. The hard work will now follow.

[ManDownUnder]

Hey Shirley... here's FUCKEN GREAT HUG for you! ha HAAAAAAA!!!!

I don't know Ahu but I do know loyalty and friendship when I see it. Stay strong. You really are inspiring. :hug:

[Curious_AJ]

man, sounds a lot like what happened to my dad... I was 7 at the time and have a patchy memory (and wasnst allowed in ICU) but yeah a lot of it rings true for what was told to me by my family that was allowed in.

great that he's on the mend!

<3 love

[ajturbo]

hey shirl..

i'm home...
if you need anything...call!!!

[MyGSXF]

Awesome news hun!!!! :banana:

[vifferman]

Fantastic news! :niceone:

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

The guy's a legend. He does not have brain damage at all - just no memory at present - but drs say that his brains will unscramble within a week or two. Got there yesterday morning and his bag was packed - I don't know how many times I have unpacked his bag lol. "I'm going home now". He cannot remember why he is there. Now he wants a cigarette - they put a patch on him yesterday - it was off within 5 minutes - I found it later and put it back on.

I went to his place for the nite at 8.00pm did his washing and in that half hour the hospital had rung and asked me to return - he was a little upset.

Fark a little upset - he'd had a major hissy fit. Pulled the canula out of his arm, all the cords monitoring his heart, anything in site hit the deck and he had his shoes on, shorts and no shirt and was on his way out when my back up friend arrived - I got there 10 mins later. He calmed down once we told him again why he was there.

He had a very emotional day, and then you can laugh and joke with him. Last nite when I was called in I said Please can I take him home - its just 3 minutes away - he lives in the hospital hostel. But it is too dangerous - they have to find out exactly why his heart did what it did. It is heartbreaking seeing him at the window staring out - I want to go home. He really is the patient from hell.

They brought in a minder for him - but no way - he begged me to stay - apparently I could share his hospital bed - yeah right I'm no liteweight, then he said he would sleep in the chair and I have his bed. However they brought me a lazi-boy chair which was pretty stuffed. I was overtired and barely slept.

Today I am taking time out and sleeping and he is having visitors. Tonite I may have to stay with him but will wait and see.

He told the friends last nite = Shirley brought me here in for tests, I don't know why - and she's left me here. Lol.

Roll on end of the week and his tests are all over.

[ManDownUnder]

BMW - I have nothing to say or add - but I'm reading with baited breath. Good luck to you, Ahu, docs, nurses - hell... the whole shootin' box!

Kia kaha!

[<G>]

We should all be so lucky to have as good a friend as you when times get tough. Best wishes to you both.

[Ixion]

A life is given back to you. Always a reason for that, past present or future. He who runs may read.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Yesterday was spent preparing him for his angiogram and angioplasty - the latter putting a stent in the blocked artery - We watched the video on it about 3 times - they told him he had to remember the procedure - he was that intent on it he was writing fast and asking me how to spell some big technical words - I told him all he had to remember was that he was to be absolutely still after it - for 4 - 8 hours. (a major for Ahu to keep still).

Anyway today was the day, we waited around until noon and he went in - we were told he could go home if it was all successful. - I left and got lunch for him and did some shoping. Got back and he wasn't quite thru - then he came out - they couldn't put the stent in - he was too restless - frankly I don't believe they sedated him enough. So that was very disappointing - however they did find a blockage which was the cause of his heart attack.

So he devoured his lunch. Had to wait for the Dr until 7pm. He said the consultants would have a meeting tomorrow and decided where to from here and when they would attempt it again.

Ahu asked if he could go home in the meantime (Holy shit I thought, here's World War 3). The fully explained to him that he was lucky to have survived and to come out of so unscathed however he could have another attack any time and he definitely would not survive a second one. He was getting agitated so I said to him "Hey I can't take that risk Ahu - if you died while I was looking after you - I couldn't handle that and I do not have the energy to do cpr on you".

They left and he was ok and accepted their explanation. Then he got it into his head he just wanted to go outside and breathe fresh air (he's really an outdoors man) so on went the shoes, t-shirt and went to the Nurse - he got a firm no and she advised him to ask the dr in the morning.

Well that nearly ended him - I was in the process of leaving - he just turned his back muttering away so I said to this back - Patience and tolerance - heard him mutter run out of that. Oh well it would have been nice for him to have said goodbye to me.

Today the guy that saved his life came to see him (he'd been overseas). I had bought a pounamu in the symbol of eternal friendship (on Ahu's behalf) all his workmates were there so we had a moving ceremony while Ahu blessed it and I put it on Hori.

Ahu's memory is getting better everyday. He had a flashback today - he told his friend that he had a vision of Shirley learning over him with her fist clenched - oops that was when I had just been told he wouldn't live and I was in shock and said to him dont you dare kark it, and his whole body moved even tho they had paralysed him.

I am going to work tomorrow for 3 hours - the break will do me good. I am totally exhausted but at peace.

[racefactory]

I tell you I had the waves of good goosebumps pulsing down me when I read the good news....

As long as there is life there is hope.

Thanks for the read, very down to earth. You must be in peace now- excellent, all the best for the rest of it.

[Duke girl]

Shirley you are truely an inspiration to Ahu and your support and understanding of what a loyal friend is to have is awesome. Im sure that this has definately helped Ahu get to where he is today as well as the great staff at the Hospital and the care they have been giving him. Just make sure that you takecare of yourself as well, and its so good to hear that Ahu has recovered they way he has even if he still has a very long road in front of him which I know that you will travel down with him with your amazing support for him. Wish him all the best from me and heres hoping that he will be back out in the real world where he wants to be.

[sels1]

Amazing story Shirl - all the best to you guys

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Thanks for all the above. I do appreciate it. I was only at the hospital for 2.5 hours today. Ahu has accepted he has to stay another week and was in a positive frame of mind. How that came about was a Maori friend of his visited him. While Ahu can talk to me about anything (almost) it was in the back of my mind that he really needed to talk with someone of his own culture, his own language and to a male friend. I never said anything to him but I had spoken to a lovely Maori woman yesterday and shared that - she just looked at me and grinned and said I was very sensitive to his culture - how did I know that - well I have worked with Maori people alot and intuition. I wasn't sure whether I was right tho but she said I'd hit the nail on the head - and without any intervention on my part - that happened today. I could see Ahu was at peace - they also had a good laugh.

I keep forgetting his memory isn't so good - I had told him on several occasions his cousin (only member of the whanau) came to see him and we haven't seen sight or sound of him since. He came to have a gawk the day after it happened and to tell me he would be taking his body back home. I told him very firmly Ahu does not want that = he has made his wishes very clear to me about his funeral - cousin said it doesn't matter what he wants - that is whats going to happen. I told him that the whanau had not contacted Ahu when his mother and 2 brothers died. I was told the family dissed him because he drank - I said he had been off the booze for a period of 5 years, then 2 years later and up to now he is 7 years sober - I told him he did not have a very forgiving family. And anyway Ahu wasn't dead yet. Don't think cousy bro liked me very much. I related this all to Ahu again today he cracked up laughing and said he would loved to have seen his face and added like bloody hell that's gonna happen. To that end Ahu is going to make a will stating very clearly what he wants.

Because his memory is poor when he got to the ward on Saturday - I put a framed photo of me on his bedside cabinet so something was familar to him and brought a couple of things from his home. The photo is black and white and was a glamour one about 3 years ago - I wish he would put it away now tho. I take a good photo but I don't think I'm like that in real life - lol - hows that for a blonde comment. Anyway he gets alot of comments and he says - she is my angel. The other day he was a bit stressed so I gave him a face, neck and head massage - hoping he would fall asleep - his male nurse came in and said jesus you lucky bugger can I swap places. All the nurses have been amazing.

I have learn't alot about myself the last 2 weeks. My personal goal is to practice unconditional love, to give freely, willingly and cheerfully. To treat others how I want to be treated. In the past I have done that to the detriment of my health - this time I am also looking after myself better. I can ease back a bit now. I had a lovely evening tonite babysitting a 13 year old - she is wonderful company, we went to KFC then up town. I got to listen to some of her music - which I enjoyed. I will also catch up with friends on the weekend. There have been many rewards during this time. The wonderful people I have met at the hospital, renewed energy, people's kindness to me - both here on KB and Ahu's friends, plus the hospital staff. I have enjoyed a deep sense of peace and serenity and had Ahu not made it then I know I had done my best.

When he gets out of hospital he will stay with me - thank god I have a comfortable couch lol which I will be sleeping on. My cat wouldn't allow 2 people in my bed - cos she has her own pillow on HER side and no way will she move. However, having said that - she got the pip the other nite due to feeling neglected - she has been used to me being home all day and of course I have practically lived at the hospital - and SHE slept on the couch lol. She's happily snoring beside me on her pillow.
I better shut up and get some sleep

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

GREAT NEWS

Ahu is going home tomorrow. He had 3 stents put in today and it all went well. I think he is in total overwhelm and also on an emotional roller coaster.

He is to come and stay at my place for a week - he texts me tonite saying he will go home instead. I count to 10 and I rang him. He gives me some cock & bull story about not want to impose on me ya de ya. I actually let him finish and I let the silence last - and he got nervous - lol. He got the "Do you think I like hearing the sound of my own voice?? You know I mean what I say - ya de ya and then I thought - this isn't about me - and I realised he would be on an emotional roller coaster and I asked him if he was and he said yes.

We have to train him to slow down. God forbid the hard work starts now lol. I told him he could expect tough love from all his friends. Nobody would let up on him lol. To that end I am making a list of all his friends. Also a list of positive opportunities and a picture of him trussed up like a turkey in ICU that I took - cos I thought - if he lives - he won't believe me how he looked. It is not a nice picture but it is a damned good reminder for him.

I will probably be called every kind of bitch in the coming week but tough. Thank god I'm mature enough not to take it personally - I can be just as stubborn as he can.

It has been an amazing journey and while I'm in no way religious, I said prayers of gratitude for Ahu's life, the many wonderful people I met around the hospital, the hospital staff, and Ahu's many friends, who also showed such kindness towards me - also for the strength I have been given to be there for him and also it broke thru some barriers re my brain tumour - so many miracles. Also I thank you all for your kind words and support - it helped see me thru.

[shafty]

Good on Ya Girl - you're awesome!