Fatt Max
2nd December 2008, 06:21
Blimey, I must be attracting them or something..!
Story goes like this…..
On my way to work, its 6.00am and I’ve just turned into Cascades Road from Botany Road. It’s a filthy morning so I’ve taken the corner nice and steady and just as I hit the straight I notice a man on a pushbike coming the other way looking a bit wobbly. Fair enough me thinks, it’s a tad windy out there.
The next thing I know this bike has veered across the road and right into my path. The arse muscles tighten up like a blond man in a prison shower and I swerve to avoid the oncoming peddler. I must have missed the bike by inches, it has shot past me, hit the kerb and the rider ends up a heap against the fence by the golf course.
Now, the words I am looking for rhyme with ‘Clucking Bell’. I’m off the bike as quick as a fat bloke can (took about…oohh…5 minutes) and rush over to check on the cyclist. By this time he is on his feet and I notice that he is a gentleman of Oriental persuasion.
He is shouting and roaring at me and I cant make out a single dickie bird the guy is saying. He looks ok to me, he had ripped his jeans but otherwise seemed in good order. I ask him to calm down and take a seat and that is when it hits me…
I get a wiff of his breath and it absolutely stinks of alcohol. This guy is bladdered drunk and can hardly walk, never mind ride. He keeps shouting something like “yoo stoopee fa fu, you stoopee fa fu” which I translate into “You Stupid Fat Fuck”.
He finally rips off his cycle hat, throws it on the ground and sits on it. I’ve had enough of this abusive little pinger and am just turning to go when I hear him say “I nee shee, I nee shee”
I’m still pinching myself to see if I’m dreaming before I tell you the next bit…….
I have worked out that when a Chinese person says to you “I Nee Shee” what they really mean is ‘I Need A Shit”. And that is exactly what he does. He stands up, drops his tweeds, squats down and starts laying a cable any sparkie would be proud of.
The funny thing is, he shat right into his cycle hat which, as you may recall, he was using as a seat…or should I say stool!
Anyway, I am fucking pissing myself at this and say to him “Oi you stupid c**t, you’re crapping in your hat” to which he replies “go fu yoo sef”. Anyone driving past the scene (of which there were a few) would have seen a big fat hairy biker pointing and laughing at a drunk china man shitting into a cycle helmet while at the same time telling the biker to go fuck himself…now that’s surreal, eh….:shit:
I walk away quick leaving Mr Hoo Flung Dung to his ablutions, what a fucking winner he is…..
So that’s today’s story. Never trust anyone that you can blindfold with a shoelace....!!!
Story goes like this…..
On my way to work, its 6.00am and I’ve just turned into Cascades Road from Botany Road. It’s a filthy morning so I’ve taken the corner nice and steady and just as I hit the straight I notice a man on a pushbike coming the other way looking a bit wobbly. Fair enough me thinks, it’s a tad windy out there.
The next thing I know this bike has veered across the road and right into my path. The arse muscles tighten up like a blond man in a prison shower and I swerve to avoid the oncoming peddler. I must have missed the bike by inches, it has shot past me, hit the kerb and the rider ends up a heap against the fence by the golf course.
Now, the words I am looking for rhyme with ‘Clucking Bell’. I’m off the bike as quick as a fat bloke can (took about…oohh…5 minutes) and rush over to check on the cyclist. By this time he is on his feet and I notice that he is a gentleman of Oriental persuasion.
He is shouting and roaring at me and I cant make out a single dickie bird the guy is saying. He looks ok to me, he had ripped his jeans but otherwise seemed in good order. I ask him to calm down and take a seat and that is when it hits me…
I get a wiff of his breath and it absolutely stinks of alcohol. This guy is bladdered drunk and can hardly walk, never mind ride. He keeps shouting something like “yoo stoopee fa fu, you stoopee fa fu” which I translate into “You Stupid Fat Fuck”.
He finally rips off his cycle hat, throws it on the ground and sits on it. I’ve had enough of this abusive little pinger and am just turning to go when I hear him say “I nee shee, I nee shee”
I’m still pinching myself to see if I’m dreaming before I tell you the next bit…….
I have worked out that when a Chinese person says to you “I Nee Shee” what they really mean is ‘I Need A Shit”. And that is exactly what he does. He stands up, drops his tweeds, squats down and starts laying a cable any sparkie would be proud of.
The funny thing is, he shat right into his cycle hat which, as you may recall, he was using as a seat…or should I say stool!
Anyway, I am fucking pissing myself at this and say to him “Oi you stupid c**t, you’re crapping in your hat” to which he replies “go fu yoo sef”. Anyone driving past the scene (of which there were a few) would have seen a big fat hairy biker pointing and laughing at a drunk china man shitting into a cycle helmet while at the same time telling the biker to go fuck himself…now that’s surreal, eh….:shit:
I walk away quick leaving Mr Hoo Flung Dung to his ablutions, what a fucking winner he is…..
So that’s today’s story. Never trust anyone that you can blindfold with a shoelace....!!!