Fatt Max
4th December 2008, 18:21
Cant believe my luck really,
Monday I meet the crapping china man, Wednesday morning I go arse over bollocks into someone’s front garden rolling in shit and thorns while battling a rabid wasp, and tonight on my way home, of all things….I got into a fight….!!
Before I continue, this is not a load of bull but a hole heap of life changing experiences packed into one week.
So, here we go…..
On the way home, cruising up a quiet street out the back of Mt Wellington (don’t know the name) and there is a rust bucket old car in front of me with two guys in it. A scooter pulls out of a side road in front of the car and the driver has to apply the brakes. No chance of a bender but brakes on all the same.
Scooter takes off, car slams into second and chases the scooter with the exhaust smoking like a K Road slapper. Car pulls alongside scooter and passenger window goes down, a bit of an exchange between the passenger and the scooterist (who turns out to be a chick, by the way) and the next thing…..WALLOP…passenger door fly’s over, hits the chick sideways and down she goes with the scooter.
Guy jumps out, stands over chick and starts giving her a heap of verbals. Fat bloke off his bike, back pack down, helmet off (finally sorted the clasp) and am giving it heaps of “oi you 2 bob wanker, what the fuck do you think you are doing…!” to which he replies “ what the fuck’s it to you old man, just fuck off home”.
A bit of an exchange of words and I’m helping scooter chick back to her feet. She’s effin and blinding and C wording at these guys like a real little miss potty mouth and I’m telling her to trap it and get away (she was alright by the way).
…..and as my back is turned, the geezer blindsides me with a cheap shot to the side of my nut the spawney little wanker. I react by chinning the little weasel but realised that his mate the driver is now out of the car and he is shaping up quite nicely for a bit of Balboa rock ‘n’ rolling.
So, I’m on for a hiding from two dickheads half my age but as I used to say down the football many years ago, In for A Penny, In For A Pasting.
Driver dude clocks me on the hooter a real treat and follows that up with a nice little smackeroo on the side of my Pantry (Pantry Door…Jaw). I backpedal a bit, get my footing and steam in all guns blazing landing a left right on his kisser knocking the prick over in a heap. Next thing I know, his mate has jumped up on my back and is rabbit punching me like a fucking schoolgirl……
,,,,and then, I did it…..I grabbed this prick, spun him around and gave him a fucking big wet sloppy kiss right on the lips. He looks shocked as fuck and backs off spitting and saying “you queer c**t, you fucking queer c**t…!”
“oh go on handsome” I say, “Lets have a taste of your tonsils. All this fighting gets me right barred up…c’mon sweetie, lets have a tumble….”
To say the two boys got a fright would be an understatement. They throw me a few ‘Homo’ insults, jump in the car and speed off.
I felt the best way to avoid an inevitable beating was to ‘Camp It Out’ and would you believe it, it feckin’ worked. Well, roll me in honey and throw me to the lesbians, I was as happy as a pig in a pile of piggy poo after that. I escaped a beating, snogged a stranger and nearly got an erection into the bargain which, at my age, is a flap jacking three bells bingo result.
The chick had buggered off by the way, not a word of thanks.
Right, been a week and a half, eh. I’m off to read Woman’s Day and do my nails.
Gotta be done :eek5:
Monday I meet the crapping china man, Wednesday morning I go arse over bollocks into someone’s front garden rolling in shit and thorns while battling a rabid wasp, and tonight on my way home, of all things….I got into a fight….!!
Before I continue, this is not a load of bull but a hole heap of life changing experiences packed into one week.
So, here we go…..
On the way home, cruising up a quiet street out the back of Mt Wellington (don’t know the name) and there is a rust bucket old car in front of me with two guys in it. A scooter pulls out of a side road in front of the car and the driver has to apply the brakes. No chance of a bender but brakes on all the same.
Scooter takes off, car slams into second and chases the scooter with the exhaust smoking like a K Road slapper. Car pulls alongside scooter and passenger window goes down, a bit of an exchange between the passenger and the scooterist (who turns out to be a chick, by the way) and the next thing…..WALLOP…passenger door fly’s over, hits the chick sideways and down she goes with the scooter.
Guy jumps out, stands over chick and starts giving her a heap of verbals. Fat bloke off his bike, back pack down, helmet off (finally sorted the clasp) and am giving it heaps of “oi you 2 bob wanker, what the fuck do you think you are doing…!” to which he replies “ what the fuck’s it to you old man, just fuck off home”.
A bit of an exchange of words and I’m helping scooter chick back to her feet. She’s effin and blinding and C wording at these guys like a real little miss potty mouth and I’m telling her to trap it and get away (she was alright by the way).
…..and as my back is turned, the geezer blindsides me with a cheap shot to the side of my nut the spawney little wanker. I react by chinning the little weasel but realised that his mate the driver is now out of the car and he is shaping up quite nicely for a bit of Balboa rock ‘n’ rolling.
So, I’m on for a hiding from two dickheads half my age but as I used to say down the football many years ago, In for A Penny, In For A Pasting.
Driver dude clocks me on the hooter a real treat and follows that up with a nice little smackeroo on the side of my Pantry (Pantry Door…Jaw). I backpedal a bit, get my footing and steam in all guns blazing landing a left right on his kisser knocking the prick over in a heap. Next thing I know, his mate has jumped up on my back and is rabbit punching me like a fucking schoolgirl……
,,,,and then, I did it…..I grabbed this prick, spun him around and gave him a fucking big wet sloppy kiss right on the lips. He looks shocked as fuck and backs off spitting and saying “you queer c**t, you fucking queer c**t…!”
“oh go on handsome” I say, “Lets have a taste of your tonsils. All this fighting gets me right barred up…c’mon sweetie, lets have a tumble….”
To say the two boys got a fright would be an understatement. They throw me a few ‘Homo’ insults, jump in the car and speed off.
I felt the best way to avoid an inevitable beating was to ‘Camp It Out’ and would you believe it, it feckin’ worked. Well, roll me in honey and throw me to the lesbians, I was as happy as a pig in a pile of piggy poo after that. I escaped a beating, snogged a stranger and nearly got an erection into the bargain which, at my age, is a flap jacking three bells bingo result.
The chick had buggered off by the way, not a word of thanks.
Right, been a week and a half, eh. I’m off to read Woman’s Day and do my nails.
Gotta be done :eek5: