STOP PRESS - UK biker puts sex ban on wife

[Fatt Max]

Oh dear, things back home dont look too flash...

Just in from work, have capped my 5th beer of the night and checked the home emails. Got one from Spunk Bubble, a biker mate of mine back home.

Now, since I have known this guy (20 years +) he has been bike mad, owns a couple of Harleys, a Kawasaki 1000cc beast of a thing and his pride and joy, a vintage Triumph dating back to the 1960's. The Triumph was left to him by his dad when he passed away about 10 years ago.

Spunk Bubble has always said that when he retires, he is going to restore the Triumph to it's former glory as it was in a bit of a two-n-eight to say the least. So, he has been collecting vintage parts for the bike from all sorts of places and storing them in a box in the garage.

He goes away for a week with work, comes back and his missus greets him with a "Hi Honey, l've cleaned out the garage".

You know whats comeing eh.....

The entire box of parts with an esimated value of 500 pounds was thrown in the bin and carted of by the dustmen the night before he got home. Her excuse was "it was just a box of oily junk, what did you want that for"

So, Spunk Bubble has said that the trouble-n-strife can go whistle if she fancies indulging in some horizontal jogging any time soon. She does love a bit of the other but he is happy to refuse her the honours and tug on the VW Combi to keep his brussels unloaded and teach her a lesson at the same time.

As I said to him in my reply, she will have to be happy flicking the peanut otherwise it might be time for Derek The Dildo to pay a visit to Tuna Land.

Wives eh...cant live with 'em, cant encourage them into a pole dancing lesbian lick fest with the neighhbours 18 year old daughter.........:banana:

[98tls]

:lol::lol:Nice,was out at a mates place the other day who had recently started seeing what i thought was quite a find,well tasty to look at and a hard case who liked bikes,after a bit i said wheres ..... and he replied "had to let her go mate the dog just didnt take to her" fuck me i almost fell over laughing.Funny really as said dog is great with pigs.

[racefactory]

lol hilarious!! Flicking the peanut and tuna land FTW!

question: how do you come up with this shit!! English language at it's finest!

For this post there's one i can't get my head around- 'if she fancies indulging in some horizontal jogging any time soon' - someone enlighten me?

Good laughs these!

[Fatt Max]

lol hilarious!! Flicking the peanut and tuna land FTW!

question: how do you come up with this shit!! English language at it's finest!

For this post there's one i can't get my head around- 'if she fancies indulging in some horizontal jogging any time soon' - someone enlighten me?

Good laughs these!

Sorry mate, sometimes I get carried away with the cockney shit.

Imagine you are jogging, ams and legs going, arse going in and out as you stride.....now imagine you are doing the same movements face down (or horizontally) with your preferred gender of partner underneath...its posh cockney for shagging.

I hope that clears it up.

When my wife wants me to 'clear it up' I simply hop out of bed and wipe my knob on the curtains.....

[98tls]

When my wife wants me to 'clear it up' I simply hop out of bed and wipe my knob on the curtains..... Absolutly mate,best form of levitation there is.

[wbks]

When my wife wants me to 'clear it up' I simply hop out of bed and wipe my knob on the curtains.....hahahahahahahahaha

[imdying]

Wives eh...cant live with 'em, cant encourage them into a pole dancing lesbian lick fest with the neighhbours 18 year old daughter.........:banana:That's some funny shite :rofl:

I have to say though, it's a failure on his behalf in the first place. Failing to train the woman correctly during the first few years is the leading cause of marital break ups. :oi-grr:

My wife knows better than to enter the garage for anything other than getting the lawnmower out when she wants to do the lawns. And she definitely knows better than to touch anything that might in some small way be related to my motorcycles! :bash:

[Richard Mc F]

She had a key to the shed?

[Dooly]

I simply hop out of bed and wipe my knob on the curtains.....

Best if its not your curtains.
Always do that in hotels............so they say.:whistle:

[Fatt Max]

She had a key to the shed?

Far Canal.....

Now that my friend is the real crux of the problem

Have copied and pasted your extreme wisdom to the UK as we speak

Brilliant....

[wbks]

I've heard of all kinds of strange things people have found when they are cleaning hotel rooms with the black light to scan it. From the roof to the window sills!

[coffeejunkie]

OMG!!! You lot all made me laugh so much and thats alittle odd concidering i'm a chick and i should be insulted but i'm not, lol, good point bout her having a key but more to the point who the hell let her outta the kitchen? PMSL

[98tls]

OMG!!! You lot all made me laugh so much and thats alittle odd concidering i'm a chick and i should be insulted but i'm not, lol, good point bout her having a key but more to the point who the hell let her outta the kitchen? PMSL Only on lawn mowing day.:done:

[scumdog]

She had a key to the shed?

Yep, caused no end of alarm to me too.....what was he thinking!!

[CRF119]

Lol thst some funny shit. Yea you have to train them well.Im still single as i havnt found a girl that can handle come 3rd behind 2 bikes lol. Also still living at home but got mum trained really well she dosent even step into her own double garage now :first:

[98tls]

Lol thst some funny shit. Yea you have to train them well.Im still single as i havnt found a girl that can handle come 3rd behind 2 bikes lol. Also still living at home but got mum trained really well she dosent even step into her own double garage now :first: 2 words young un,donkey punch..........ignore the naysayers you will remember it forever.

[coffeejunkie]

Lol thst some funny shit. Yea you have to train them well.Im still single as i havnt found a girl that can handle come 3rd behind 2 bikes lol. Also still living at home but got mum trained really well she dosent even step into her own double garage now :first:

Mate you need to keep looking cuz trust me there are only afew of us women that realize at a very early stage that we are 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on to a mans ride, In our house i'm knowen as the misses and his ride is knowen as the misstress(named this by me). The bike is always gunna come first but i'm ok sharing him with 2 wheels, Specially since he takes me too:niceone:

[mstriumph]

that's awful :crybaby: .......... he should'a sent her down the tip with instructions not to come back until she'd recovered the bits ......

:bash: my ex put a slight scratch in my cb350 front mudguard once [long time ago] ---- i didn't speak to him until he'd got the whole thing re-chromed. bastard.

[munterk6]

Do you think she ditched all that stuff to really piss him off? Chicks are good like that, they operate like mafia, they get to the ones you love and care about...in this case his bike bits.
Or is she just thick...:argh:

[SPman]

.....
Or is she just thick...:argh:
Never put down to malice what can be attributed to sheer stupidity..........:2guns:

[coffeejunkie]

Do you think she ditched all that stuff to really piss him off? Chicks are good like that, they operate like mafia, they get to the ones you love and care about...in this case his bike bits.
Or is she just thick...:argh:

Woman like marfia!:Punk:thats some funny shit

[Harvd]

jeesus FM you need an award as the funniest guy on ths site EVERYday you have sumthing new and hilarious to read

Well Done!

[fire eyes]

peanut? ... says it all really ... :shutup:

[Swoop]

She had a key to the shed?
Who unlocked the chain, that attaches her to the stove??:scratch: