Aunty Riff Raff's Bike Sex Therapy

[Riff Raff]

Allrighty folks - following on from another thread, (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=8728 ) and because all the current threads are a tad boring at the mo, let's hear about your sex on bikes stories....
EDIT] I've added a confidential poll.

[MSTRS]

I farted on a bike once. Does that count?

[Riff Raff]

I farted on a bike once. Does that count?
Only if you.... never mind

[Biff]

Shit, somone else vote quick. Because someone just broke into my house and voted using my log in name, and I don't want you to think that it was I who cast the first vote.

[Biff]

phew!! thanks mum

[MSTRS]

Option four is probably popular with the lads in *town*

[MSTRS]

I also couldn't find the one that read 'I have had sex because of a bike''. Often worked when I was a callow youth. You know the one that went 'You wanna walk home or.............'

[Riff Raff]

I also couldn't find the one that read 'I have had sex because of a bike''. Often worked when I was a callow youth. You know the one that went 'You wanna walk home or.............'
Damn - and I can't change the poll now.

[What?]

Sex :spudwhat: I'm married.

[bane]

Sex :spudwhat: I'm married.

I hate to think what Mr jrandom's post in this thread is gunna be...

anyways... how bout the option of "i get sex despite the bike"?

[Yokai]

Not fair - I want to choose all of the above... (a 250 is a nice vibrating machine all the way to Weee hey hey hey hey YES YES YES ington)

[Midnight 82]

:spudwhat: SEX ????? AY WHAT?????? SEX??????????? :spudwhat:

[bugjuice]

yeah, my bike popped my cherry.. so what..

[madboy]

how come i can only choose one option? what if the one time i had it each year i happened to be able to get the bike into the missionary position?

[SPman]

Shit, somone else vote quick. Because someone just broke into my house and voted using my log in name, and I don't want you to think that it was I who cast the first vote.

"let he, who is without sex, cast the first vote!"

[FROSTY]

True story --A young couple,very much in lust were out and about on the young mans bike. After a bit of kissin and cuddling they headed off on the bike to find somewhere more private.
They headed to the top of a multi story carpark.
The main stand was down and things got very um--well intimate.
At that moment the police helecopter buzzed over
The young man quickly -disengaged. But the young lady was caught spreadeagled on the bike--with 100000 candlepower illuminating all her um personal areas.
Funnily enough they split up not long after that

[Biff]

"let he, who is without sex, cast the first vote!"

bollox, I've been rumbled!


True story --A young couple,very much in lust were out and about on the young mans bike. After a bit of kissin and cuddling they headed off on the bike to find somewhere more private.
They headed to the top of a multi story carpark.
The main stand was down and things got very um--well intimate.
At that moment the police helecopter buzzed over
The young man quickly -disengaged. But the young lady was caught spreadeagled on the bike--with 100000 candlepower illuminating all her um personal areas.
Funnily enough they split up not long after that

:2thumbsup

Reminds me of a joke:

Superman was flying along one day when he noticed Wonderwoman lying butt nakid in a field. She was moaning and growing and Superman fancied his chances. He could be in and out in no time, after all his arse went like a rabbits.

So he flew down to WonderWoman pulled his weaponary out might swoop in preperation to enter her Wonder Box. He attempted to enter her at nearly 300Kph.

The invisible man never knew what hit him .

[avgas]

Come on people, tell me you havent had sex after ya partner (or someone else), says "Thats a nice bike, you should take me for a ride".
To which you reply :cool:
and then later on in hospital :doctor:

[Waylander]

:confused: umm.... I can't vote on this yet.....

[Lou Girardin]

I farted on a bike once. Does that count?

Not foreplay. SEX!

[vifferman]

FEAR MY PRONG

[Waylander]

FEAR MY PRONG
Some lyrics for you guess the name of the band
:Punk: :headbang:
nothing breeds more contempt for this world than memories now formed every moment a new seed is grown to no reason the
trouble unfolds for the trials of today i'm no jury really don't care how you feel the pleasant notion of miraculous change drifts into
multiple jeers you want the good life (http://searchmiracle.com/text/search.php?qq=good life) you break your back you snap your fingers you snap your neck seconds drip thru my hands
washed of moments unborn all the spaces between bleed a tribute to a sacrament never exposed a message to the forces, I've no
pity don't know how thankful to feel expectations of my daily bread gives me the hunger to steal
:headbang::Punk:

[vifferman]

Some lyrics for you guess the name of the band

The "Fear My Prongs"? :spudwhat:

The Feckin Eedjits?

The Blathering Blatherers?

The Punctuationally Challenged?

:whocares:

[Riff Raff]

Some lyrics for you guess the name of the band
:Punk: :headbang:
nothing breeds more contempt for this world than memories now formed bla bla bla
If you're going to hijack a thread about sex, at least do it with something like motorbikes or alcimahol which goes hand in hand with sex!!!!! :angry2:

:bleh:

[vifferman]

If you're going to hijack a thread about sex, at least do it with something like motorbikes or alcimahol which goes hand in hand with sex!!!!! :angry2:

:bleh:
Trouble with having alcimahol and motorbikes in yer hands when sexing is that you've got no hands left for the sex part.






I had sex once.

No, really! I'm not kidding.

[Waylander]

The "Fear My Prongs"? :spudwhat:

The Feckin Eedjits?

The Blathering Blatherers?

The Punctuationally Challenged?

:whocares:
It's a band named prong. And it's good stuff. Wasn't intending on hijacking the thread, just had to do this.

[Riff Raff]

Trouble with having alcimahol and motorbikes in yer hands when sexing is that you've got no hands left for the sex part.
You could get one of those camelback thingies - hands free drinking - leaving one hand left for the bizness at... er.. hand, so to speak! :tugger:

[vifferman]

You could get one of those camelback thingies - hands free drinking - leaving one hand left for the bizness at... er.. hand, so to speak! :tugger:
Why would I :tugger: if I was having sex? :spudwhat:

[Motoracer]

Trouble with having alcimahol and motorbikes in yer hands when sexing is that you've got no hands left for the sex part.
Pretty simple really. If you've got riding the bike part, surely you’re partner can handle the sex part. Make her do the work! If she's the one riding the bike then v.v.

[PuppetMaster]

Option 4, i have had sex with a Dike....

[bugjuice]

Come on people, tell me you havent had sex after ya partner (or someone else), says "Thats a nice bike, you should take me for a ride".
To which you reply :cool:
and then later on in hospital :doctor:
has anyone actually used or had used on them, a line like that - and it worked..??
Not to blow ones toot here (lets face it, if you could, you wouldn't need a chick ;) ), but so far, nothing for me.. but then again, I don't think I've been trying..
Do Joey's lines work, from Friends..??
how you doin...?

[StoneChucker]

how you doin...?
"It worked on all of YOUR friends" :D (Joey, TV2)

I think the line is irrelevant, it's how you deliver it, and how confident you are... But in answer to you question, no...

[jrandom]

I think the line is irrelevant, it's how you deliver it, and how confident you are... But in answer to you question, no...

Precisely.

If you look like Joey and have a handful of gold cards in your wallet, ANY line will do.

[vifferman]

Precisely.

If you look like Joey and have a handful of gold cards in your wallet, ANY line will do.
Whabout if you have a handful of gold cards in your wallet and look only marginally better (and that's debatable) than WINJA's avatar? :spudwhat:

[jrandom]

Whabout if you have a handful of gold cards in your wallet and look only marginally better (and that's debatable) than WINJA's avatar? :spudwhat:

Doesn't matter; either way, Karen would still kill you.

[Slipstream]

Precisely.

If you look like Joey and have a handful of gold cards in your wallet, ANY line will do.

except,

"My wifes at home with our 3 children and my girlfriend is outta town, I'm a bit lonley and in desperate need to shag anyone...I hope you don't mind that I have the clap, but do you wanna go and do the johnny rotten with me in the mens toilets?

No?

How about the women's toilets then?"

[MSTRS]

or the old gem - 'Would you like a dance? No. Then I suppose a f... is out of the question"

[jrandom]

"My wifes at home with our 3 children and my girlfriend is outta town, I'm a bit lonley and in desperate need to shag anyone...I hope you don't mind that I have the clap, but do you wanna go and do the johnny rotten with me in the mens toilets?

How did I KNOW that you'd be the one who'd refute my point with a line like that?

[vifferman]

How did I KNOW that you'd be the one who'd refute my point with a line like that?
Psychicisminism?

You prearranged it?

Alternate reality?



I suppose that was one o them thar rhetorical questions...

Phnark, I'm bored. Why didn't someone (anyone) choose today to sneak off and go for a ride?

[bugjuice]

:2thumbsup :yeah: :wari:
http://blingbling.orcon.net.nz/howyoudoin.jpg

[Sniper]

I am still a virgin but I think my girlfriend tells me otherwise

[Riff Raff]

So.............. 5 people have had sex with a bike. Wish I'd set up the poll so we could see who voted for what!!!
Theoretically speaking... if you had an orgasm while riding a bike, (due to those sexy Ducati vibrations and that sound...) does that mean you had sex with the bike? :spudwhat:

[vifferman]

:2thumbsup :yeah: :wari:
http://blingbling.orcon.net.nz/howyoudoin.jpg
Hey!!

That looks almost exactly like a photo of me.

Except I don't have a T-shirt with "How you doin?" printed on it.

[jrandom]

Phnark, I'm bored. Why didn't someone (anyone) choose today to sneak off and go for a ride?

Why didn't YOU?

[bugjuice]

Hey!!

That looks almost exactly like a photo of me.

Except I don't have a T-shirt with "How you doin?" printed on it.
ditto.. and I do :niceone:
but I use it to buff the bike

[jrandom]

Theoretically speaking... if you had an orgasm while riding a bike, (due to those sexy Ducati vibrations and that sound...) does that mean you had sex with the bike? :spudwhat:

Yeah, I reckon. If nobody else was involved.

But if the orgasm was due to your pillion's ministrations, you couldn't really bring the bike into the equation, and you'd still have to call yourself a moto-virgin.

[Riff Raff]

Yeah, I reckon. If nobody else was involved.
But if the orgasm was due to your pillion's ministrations, you couldn't really bring the bike into the equation, and you'd still have to call yourself a moto-virgin.
What if you were the pillion, and it was the bike that was causing the orgasm, but only because you were able to just enjoy the feeling because someone else was doing the concentrating on riding the bike, but they had no other part in aforementioned orgasm? :spudwhat:

[jrandom]

What if you were the pillion, and it was the bike that was causing the orgasm, but only because you were able to just enjoy the feeling because someone else was doing the concentrating on riding the bike, but they had no other part in aforementioned orgasm? :spudwhat:

Tricky.

It would have to be addressed by experiment.

I hear the SV650S's pillion seat is quite comfy. How about if I promise to clean it afterwards?

[bugjuice]

lmao.. starting to sound like someone has experiance here..

[Riff Raff]

Tricky.
It would have to be addressed by experiment.
I hear the SV650S's pillion seat is quite comfy. How about if I promise to clean it afterwards?
Err.... NO!!!

[vifferman]

Why didn't YOU?[meaning ME]{sneak off and go for a ride}
Because I couldn't think of anywhere I wanted to go!:crybaby:

[vifferman]

What if you were the pillion, and it was the bike that was causing the orgasm, but only because you were able to just enjoy the feeling because someone else was doing the concentrating on riding the bike, but they had no other part in aforementioned orgasm? :spudwhat:
I have heard (and this is not verified by anyone reputable, or even disreputable) that this is the main allure that HDs have for people of the feminine persuasion...

[Riff Raff]

I have heard (and this is not verified by anyone reputable, or even disreputable) that this is the main allure that HDs have for people of the feminine persuasion...
I have been on the back of a harley and it didn't do much for me.
Now Ducatis are a different story....

[vifferman]

I have been on the back of a harley and it didn't do much for me.

Maybe it was the wrong kind. Perhaps it has to be a XZGRSGRGRG Ultravibe.
Or a GFCBVGZXXX Wide'n'FatBoy.


Ducatis do it for everyone (excepting those that don't have souls).

[Riff Raff]

Ducatis do it for everyone (excepting those that don't have souls).
Yes, shame I'm not getting one this year, but I'm still getting something very sexy!

[vifferman]

Yes, shame I'm not getting one this year, but I'm still getting something very sexy!
Ah... lemme guess...

Some lingerie?

A new boy?

A naughty magazine?

A VFR800 (with pipe'n'slipper holder)?

A new ambulance driver uniform {ducks and runs for cover}....

[vifferman]

The girl's got balls (and they're not hers...)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/4253849.stm

[bugjuice]

ouch. I can't even imagine pain like that (and no, I don't want to know or even come close..)
I can't think of anything else to say but ouch :kick: http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/images/smilies/puke.gif

[Riff Raff]

Change of topic from ycky stuff introduced into my thread by fiendish people!

So we have one person who has had sex while riding a bike. Can that person please enlighten us on how it's done... best position etc? :yeah:

[Riff Raff]

Ah... lemme guess...

Some lingerie?
Nup .... leathers

A new boy?
One's enough

A naughty magazine?
Do motorbike magazines count?

A new ambulance driver uniform {ducks and runs for cover}....
Well just got my new motorsport overalls... you can see me in them at Paeroa...

[jrandom]

So we have one person who has had sex while riding a bike. Can that person please enlighten us on how it's done... best position etc? :yeah:

Planning something?

[Riff Raff]

Planning something?Just curious. I can't see how it could be done without falling off or crashing into something. And would it actually be fun if you were worrying about the above all the way through it??? :spudwhat:

[Waylander]

.....Ducatis do it for everyone (excepting those that don't have souls).
What if I were to sell my soul for one? Would it still do it for me?:spudwhat:

[bugjuice]

wouldn't it depend on what bike it was? Some sports bikes with big high tanks would make it awkward (a lot like this thread), where as something more like a 'cruiser' bike would make life easier (like going off topic mid-thread). Couldn't the guy just ride as normal, then the girl would sit on(ish) the tank and be supported by his arms as he's holding onto the handle bars..? She can either face forward or backward.. what ever works for ya.. Aaaaaand, that's ridin 2 ways too.. ;)

No experiance here, just thinking of the logic of it.. Willing to try tho..

[Riff Raff]

wouldn't it depend on what bike it was? Some sports bikes with big high tanks would make it awkward (a lot like this thread), where as something more like a 'cruiser' bike would make life easier (like going off topic mid-thread). Couldn't the guy just ride as normal, then the girl would sit on(ish) the tank and be supported by his arms as he's holding onto the handle bars..? She can either face forward or backward.. what ever works for ya.. Aaaaaand, that's ridin 2 ways too.. ;..
If nothing else we will all have a topic of conversation to break the ice tonight at the Cock and Bull..

[bugjuice]

lmao.. I yup, was thinkin that :D
right guys, rounda drinks, and yer fav position....
As long as we don't have to go out into the car park and 'show/explain' it all

[Wonko]

On the bike, doggie style. Woman lying down over the tank, man behind her, feet on rear peg's for extra leverage.

my 2 cents for tonight

[Riff Raff]

lmao.. I yup, was thinkin that :D
right guys, rounda drinks, and yer fav position....
As long as we don't have to go out into the car park and 'show/explain' it all
Anyone bringing a camera tonight? This could be a larf!

[bugjuice]

guss I'll have to :D
I'll bring mine

[Hitcher]

One was disappointed that one could not choose more than one option to tick...

[Motoracer]

If nothing else we will all have a topic of conversation to break the ice tonight at the Cock and Bull..

Just as long as it is AFTER, eating the dinner has finished. That goes the same for the Farting discussions as well!

[Riff Raff]

Just as long as it is AFTER, eating the dinner has finished. That goes the same for the Farting discussions as well!

Spoilsport. Ok we'll talk about my new bike then!!! :banana:

[MSTRS]

Spoilsport. Ok we'll talk about my new bike then!!! :banana:
Oh God....now she's into oral sex. You know....talking about it. :wari:

[Slingshot]

Before I answer the poll...can someone define sex for me please?



And before the smart arses out there get on the band wagon...I know what sex is...I'm just looking to clarify what the poll defines sex as!

[Midnight 82]

:wari: :wari: Im not goona say what I voted but I did turn greenish hehe :banana:

[Riff Raff]

Before I answer the poll...can someone define sex for me please?
And before the smart arses out there get on the band wagon...I know what sex is...I'm just looking to clarify what the poll defines sex as!
The poll is not sure itself - it was hoping that peoples own definitions would clarify the whole matter. Confusion is rife... :confused:

[Brian d marge]

Sex :spudwhat: I'm married.

boy did I not listen to that line ( the minister must have snuck it in REAL QUICk ) ...
I got a clip round the ear on a bike ,,,its the same as being married I tried.. she clipped ...so its sort of the same ??? :D
mind you we were heading into town at the time ....

Stephen