View Full Version : Mountain bikes
jrandom
12th February 2005, 13:11
I want a mountain bike. It has to hold up to abuse, because I am going to attempt to ride it offroad.
I'll also be riding it around on the road a bit, I guess, but it will primarily be for me and Mrs Random to stick on the back of the cage and take to muddy, rocky, dirty and/or sandy places for sessions of abuse and personal embarrassment.
I have NO idea where to go, what to buy, or how much it should cost. What brands are good? What should I look out for? What are the caveats involved with buying a second-hand bike?
I'm not going to spend more than a grand on the thing, though. So anyone who's contemplating posting and telling me that there's no point buying anything unless it's a Cannondale 3000 XPRR SuperDuper NuclearTrailMachine can just shut up and go away, unless they want to donate one to my worthy cause.
So, them wot know, gimme some advice. Please.
Mr Skid
12th February 2005, 13:52
If you're motorised torpedo boat is going to spend a bit of time on the road, I'd suggest getting a set of road slicks. They're less effort to pedal, and will save your Full-X-TremeSprotKnoberly tyres for off road.
Oh, and don't try using the front brake to slow yourself on trails, or you'll end up in a bush. Or so I've been told :shifty:
Posh Tourer :P
12th February 2005, 14:13
I take it you want dual suspension (both ends) if you are going rough stuff....Thing is, this soaks up HEAPS of energy, so it might be comfy, but you won't be going very efficiently on the road.
Second hand? bikes don't get taken care of unless the person is using it as a high end performance bike. You need to watch the front forks, they tend to be vulnerable to slider damage, same as bikes...
I don't know a great deal about brands, but I've spent a lot of time playing with bicycles, and you can *very* easily service anything on it, except for the suspension. So if the rest of the bike is neglected, it isnt too much hassle to get it going well again.
Buying second hand ought to be alright, as long as you pick right, there's a lot of rubbish out there.....
jrandom
12th February 2005, 14:19
I take it you want dual suspension (both ends) if you are going rough stuff...
Yuss.
Thing is, this soaks up HEAPS of energy, so it might be comfy, but you won't be going very efficiently on the road.
Don't care. I want a mad l33t trailstunting godmobile, not a pencil-wheeled Tour de Driveway speed machine.
dangerous
12th February 2005, 14:43
IMHO I wouldent worry about rear sus, a decent frount end is all ya need.
I used to race my Giant ATX870sp cross country its a decent bike light good components I'm a tad out of touch now but get down to ya local bike shop and see what they have, get to know what STX LX etc is pick a bike then post back and we can say ya or nay.
IMO decent frount end (Judy XC min) hard rear, 27spd, alloy frame and V brakes maybe a disc on the frount.
Caption for sec pic 'nice ass, but get out a the way dangerous comming through'
curious george
12th February 2005, 15:00
I know a mate selling a mint condition GT i-drive, full XT with Chriss King headset etc...
Disc brakes blahblahblah
About $1200 ono I think?
Interested?
Motu
12th February 2005, 15:07
Come down to the Bike Barn in Mt Roskill,over the roundabout from me,it's sorta a clearance house for shit they can't sell.I was talking suspension to one of the guys who works there the other day,we were on the same wave length,just as complicated as a dirt bike.
Posh Tourer :P
12th February 2005, 15:12
IMHO I wouldent worry about rear sus, a decent frount end is all ya need.
I used to race my Giant ATX870sp cross country its a decent bike light good components I'm a tad out of touch now but get down to ya local bike shop and see what they have, get to know what STX LX etc is pick a bike then post back and we can say ya or nay.
IMO decent frount end (Judy XC min) hard rear, 27spd, alloy frame and V brakes maybe a disc on the frount.
Don't most things have V-brakes now?
Front disc would be good.....
Kickaha
12th February 2005, 15:19
IMHO I wouldent worry about rear sus, a decent frount end is all ya need.
Much as I hate to agree with the Honda rider he's dead right,rear suspension is just a bit of extra wank factor unless you're right into very rough terrain and downhills the rest of the time it's just extra effort to push along
For $1000 I'd think you would get something quite reasonable,I spent $800 on a Bauer andn got good shimano componentry and reasonable front forks,it did have cable discs which were quite good but having tried hydraulic they'll be on my shopping list when I get another one
try here for a start http://www.trademe.co.nz/Sports/Cycling/Mountain-bikes/mcat-0005-0380-0050-.htm
but do a bit of research on forks,brakes,gears etc as there can be a quite a bit of difference in the quality and good components make a big difference
jimbo600
12th February 2005, 15:37
Good place for you to go is Woodhill forest aboout 25km's past kumeu. As for buying a bike then the following link is useful
http://www.sportzhub.com/cgi-bin/classifieds/classifieds.cgi
All the stuff for sale here is from genuine multisport dudes.
MrMelon
12th February 2005, 15:56
Yeah I wouldn't bother with a full suspension bike. You'd be better off getting a decent quality hardtail with good forks and components. I do agree about getting a set of slicks if you're going to be doing any amount of riding on the road though. They make it so much more enjoyable. You do lose a bit of wheelie stability with slicks on though :D
Two Smoker
12th February 2005, 17:52
Just go for a hardtail, with decent front forks (none of that warehouse shit rubber stuff) For a decent one, you are looking at about 2-3 grand (fully adjustable front suspension, rebound, damping, compression).... but should get an ok one for about a grand....
Bruce is the man to speak about mountain bikes.... there is a reason why his bike is insured for more than his TLS :eek5:
Blakamin
12th February 2005, 18:35
It'd wanna have a strong frame JR :shake:
gav
12th February 2005, 19:52
God knows what it would cost, but HRC do a mountain bike
http://www.honda.co.jp/HRC/movie/index.html
Being a Honda its got some super complicated pedal, crank, gearing setup :confused:
erik
12th February 2005, 20:19
I don't know much about mountainbikes. I got myself one recently though off trademe, a 5 year old GT outpost trail, doesn't have any suspension, but it's way better quality than the mountainbike I had when I was a kid. Plus it was practically new in terms of usage when I bought it. I had a much lower budget than you do though.
If you find a model you are interested in, try googling (the web and newsgroups) for reviews of that model, you'll likely find some useful info.
You should probably do a bit of googling/reading about choosing the right frame size too.
avgas
12th February 2005, 21:07
Don't most things have V-brakes now?
Front disc would be good.....
I hactually had problems with V-brakes when i used to race em many moons ago, i went back to the good ol'e STX's with the aluminimum casings on the controls (i usually broke one plastic one per race).
Magura Hydralic brakes were the nices brakes i have ever had on a MTB, good feel, very responsive - but not too dangerous.
Discs tended to clog and crunch on me, dunno why.
Still got my Avanti Barracuda, bungied up in the shed - but cant ride her cos it hurts my leg
Motoracer
12th February 2005, 23:06
Talk to Bruce. He knows A-Z about MTBs.
When you go for a play, let us know if you don't mind company.
Joni
13th February 2005, 09:07
When you go for a play, let us know if you don't mind company.
Ditto JR, got my mountian bike for Christmas.... what a vibe!
:yeah:
Clockwork
13th February 2005, 17:57
Slightly off topic, sorry but have any of you ever tried the Mountain bike chain degreaser "Finish Line, Citrus BioSolvent" to remove the stuff that splatters off your motorcyle chain all over the rear wheel and exhaust..... I apply it with a paint brush and the stuff pretty much just rinses off. :niceone:
Hitcher
13th February 2005, 18:02
So, them wot know, gimme some advice. Please.
You realise that you have to pedal one of these things, don't you?
eager
13th February 2005, 18:42
I'm a keen mountian biker only just recently jumped of my house roof :brick: . As for brands stay away from the warehouse and any bike selling new for under $800. specialised have some good bikes but for your $1k budget you will probaly want to look second hand. you can probaly pickup a advanti hotdog for your price and there built tuff, its wat ive got. survived the roof drop :brick:. or simiarlary the specialised P3 there both thrasers i.e. designed for for trashing the hell out off. both are hardtails( only front suspension).
when buying second hand the forks and drive line are the parts to wacth for. forks may still look good but are to bouncy and chuck you off on rough terrian. and the chain and rear gears offten need replacing. test ride it and see if the gears slip your looking about $100 to get them replaced
you can list the spec's of a possible bike and i can tell you if its worth it.
glad to be off help on a motorbike site lol
jrandom
14th February 2005, 08:25
You realise that you have to pedal one of these things, don't you?
That, my good sir and fellow Gentleman of Substance, is the *idea*.
Thanks to all for the useful comments. I'll invade the bike shops next weekend, I think, and report back.
Hitcher
14th February 2005, 08:43
That, my good sir and fellow Gentleman of Substance, is the *idea*.
The advance of technology, namely the internal combustion engine and the constant mesh transmission, has rendered redundant, nay obsolete the need to pedal modes of two-wheeled transportation.
Please assure me that you won't be wearing boddy-hugging lycra (shudders, visibly) and one of those jaunty styrene bonnets...
jrandom
14th February 2005, 09:03
The advance of technology, namely the internal combustion engine and the constant mesh transmission, has rendered redundant, nay obsolete the need to pedal modes of two-wheeled transportation.
And following a recent blood test, my life insurance just grew a new 50% gearing. Ulp. So, since treadmills, stationary bikes and rowing machines drive me insane, I'm augmenting the lifting with something a little less boring.
Please assure me that you won't be wearing boddy-hugging lycra (shudders, visibly) and one of those jaunty styrene bonnets...
Hell no. I wouldn't be so cruel to any non-vision-impaired individuals in the vicinity.
Baggy T-shirts, board shorts and Kiwi Safety Jandals all the way.
Posh Tourer :P
14th February 2005, 09:17
Please assure me that you won't be wearing boddy-hugging lycra (shudders, visibly) and one of those jaunty styrene bonnets...
What, you mean like here? (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=8215)
Does "boddy" only apply to Gentlemen of Substance, or is it more widely applicable?
Hitcher
14th February 2005, 09:53
What, you mean like here? (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=8215)
Ulp, yes, but more so...
Does "boddy" only apply to Gentlemen of Substance, or is it more widely applicable?
Indeed it only applies to Gentlemen of Substance. In JRandom's case, two ds should suffice, given that he aspires to a "body". I am, however, more of a 3der...
vifferman
14th February 2005, 10:13
Please assure me that you won't be wearing boddy-hugging lycra (shudders, visibly)
Indeed.
When I worked in Christchurch, one of my colleagues (a man of some substance) used to cycle to work, and for the first half-hour to hour of the day used to loll around in his lycra shorts, much to the disgust of all those he shared the office with.
Not a pretty sight at all, but I'm sure most of us have recovered nearly 10 years after this visual abuse....
Posh Tourer :P
14th February 2005, 12:28
Ulp, yes, but more so....
heh heh heh.....
jrandom
18th February 2005, 17:14
OK, chaps, looks like the steed of choice will be a Giant Iguana.
BAHAHAHAHA.
Ahem.
"Yeah, hi, I ride a Giant Iguana."
Anyway. Sorry.
Anyone care to comment? Good choice or not?
Posh Tourer :P
18th February 2005, 17:18
Yes. Great choice. I'll be able to use it for at least a few months.....
eager
18th February 2005, 17:38
looks like a good bike, good parts and deffinatley good for that price range the bike looks like a good one to start on. try test ride it and ask the person in the shop if you can do a 5 foot drop in the car park, just wacth there face its priceless :doctor: but if they let you do it they either think your joking or its a very good bike :banana:
have fun and ask the bike shop where the best spots are near you, but in auckland you have woodhill(fun & easy), riverhead(easy to get lost) huna(fun'ish not much jumps lol) and if your game theres downhill courses at huna aswell, the national downhill track! :2thumbsup , its very quick my disc brakes got so hot there burnt me when i touched them :brick: not touching them again but deffinatley love that track :banana:
dangerous
18th February 2005, 17:41
Ahem.
"Yeah, hi, I ride a Giant Iguana."
"ahhh yeah.... hi, I ride a Giant ATX870sp..... rather dangerously too I might add"
You show me your's and I'll show ya mine :confused:
jrandom
18th February 2005, 19:52
You show me your's and I'll show ya mine :confused:
Won't have it until Tuesday, Hedgehog only had a 17" frame in stock, we need a 19.
And it'll officially be Sarah's bike. I'll be riding it when she's not using it, or when she gives me a turn, etc. I'll probably be the one who puts on the road slicks and huffs around West Auckland on the weekends with it. If any of you see me, try not to laugh.
I'll post a photo when it arrives.
Hitcher
18th February 2005, 20:00
I'll post a photo when it arrives.
No lycra. Please.
bear
18th February 2005, 20:06
Indeed.
When I worked in Christchurch, one of my colleagues (a man of some substance) used to cycle to work, and for the first half-hour to hour of the day used to loll around in his lycra shorts, much to the disgust of all those he shared the office with.
Not a pretty sight at all, but I'm sure most of us have recovered nearly 10 years after this visual abuse....
I recommend wearing shorts over the top, or there are a lot of shorts available that look like regular shorts and have a lycra/padded type thing that can be removed from the shorts.
Posh Tourer :P
19th February 2005, 10:02
Won't have it until Tuesday, Hedgehog only had a 17" frame in stock, we need a 19.
And it'll officially be Sarah's bike. I'll be riding it when she's not using it, or when she gives me a turn, etc. I'll probably be the one who puts on the road slicks and huffs around West Auckland on the weekends with it. If any of you see me, try not to laugh.
I'll post a photo when it arrives.
Did you get a spare pair of wheels to have slicks on it as well as knobblies? Thatd be easy. Unless you just go for knobbles....
jrandom
21st February 2005, 13:14
Picked up the 19" Giant Iguana from Hedgehog in Botany Downs yesterday afternoon, because we were impatient.
http://www.giant-bicycles.com/images/_upload_au/bikes/models/zooms/2005/mod_iguana.jpg
Took it straight up to Woodhill, had a wobble around. Great fun. Hydraulic disc brakes and front shocks kick arse, I was very pleasantly surprised by what it can do off road.
Since I've taken today off work, I rode it up to Western Springs and back this morning. Nice.
And yes, I have road slicks for it.
And yes, I am going to get lycra shorts, because I am in some pain right now in a place where I think I would not be in pain if I had been wearing lycra shorts this morning.
crashe
21st February 2005, 13:26
Picked up the 19" Giant Iguana from Hedgehog in Botany Downs yesterday afternoon, because we were impatient.
http://www.giant-bicycles.com/images/_upload_au/bikes/models/zooms/2005/mod_iguana.jpg
Took it straight up to Woodhill, had a wobble around. Great fun. Hydraulic disc brakes and front shocks kick arse, I was very pleasantly surprised by what it can do off road.
Since I've taken today off work, I rode it up to Western Springs and back this morning. Nice.
And yes, I have road slicks for it.
And yes, I am going to get lycra shorts, because I am in some pain right now in a place where I think I would not be in pain if I had been wearing lycra shorts this morning.
Ya know that you can get XTRA soft padded seats for push bikes now....
In the meantime go and soak ya tush.... tomorrow your legs will feel like crap as well.
My bike has sat in the garage for a number of years now...
I used to go along Tat Rd, down the motorway pushbike lane (behind the fence) along Rosebank Rd, down Gt Nth Rd and all the way back up the motorway pushbike lane and back along Tat Rd to home.... The first few times I was shattered. It did get easier... but I ummmm stopped using it when I umm got the motorbike.
The other places that I would go to and I would have to put it on the back of the car... (Bike holder thingee) and go to either Western Springs (and dodge the duck shit) or Mission Bay all the way to mechanics bay and back.
k14
21st February 2005, 13:27
Man that bike looks mint. Hope you get very fit and all that stuff with it.
wat did it cost?
jrandom
21st February 2005, 13:37
Ya know that you can get XTRA soft padded seats for push bikes now...
We tried a few different seats at the shop, settled on one that was a good compromise for both of us.
It's primarily going to be Mrs Random's bike for training purposes, though.
I used to go along Tat Rd, down the motorway pushbike lane (behind the fence)...
Yes, I went that way, turned off and went down Gt North Rd to get to Western Springs this morning. Was going to park up and go have a look around the Pt Chev library on the way back, and realised I don't have a bike chain locky thing. Have to go get one.
wat did it cost?
$1,299.
And it's still just a 'recreational' model.
How do kids afford pushbikes these days?
Riff Raff
21st February 2005, 13:41
Since I've taken today off work, I rode it up to Western Springs and back this morning. Nice.
Do you mean to say that you went out pushbiking when I was looking for someone to go motorbike riding with today???? Where's your bloody priorities. And I've got a bloody t-shirt here with your name on it that has been lugged up from Wellywood. Sheesh!!!
jrandom
21st February 2005, 13:49
Do you mean to say that you went out pushbiking when I was looking for someone to go motorbike riding with today????
Yes.
And I've got a bloody t-shirt here with your name on it that has been lugged up from Wellywood.
Sure you don't need it, just in case there are more mufflers needing soft packing for their courier boxes? :Pokey:
vifferman
21st February 2005, 13:53
I recommend wearing shorts over the top
Obviously my ex-workmate didn't want to be 'discreet'.
... or there are a lot of shorts available that look like regular shorts and have a lycra/padded type thing that can be removed from the shorts.
Would this "lycra/padded type thing" be shaped like an assortment of fruit, for those who are under-endowed?
vifferman
21st February 2005, 13:57
Picked up the 19" Giant Iguana from Hedgehog in Botany Downs yesterday Coupla comments/questions:
Isn't it a bit weird, if not downright zoological, buying a 'Giant Iguana' from a shop called 'Hedgehog'? Is that why you had to go to Western Springs? Was the zoo calling to it?
How come it says "Judy" on the front fork? Is that Mrs Random's pet name for you?
jrandom
21st February 2005, 14:04
Isn't it a bit weird, if not downright zoological, buying a 'Giant Iguana' from a shop called 'Hedgehog'? Is that why you had to go to Western Springs? Was the zoo calling to it?
There you go, musta bin a subconscious thing.
Personally, I'm a little more bothered about the whole concept of *riding* the giant iguana.
At least it's not David Hasselhoff.
How come it says "Judy" on the front fork? Is that Mrs Random's pet name for you?
It also says 'Rock Shox' and 'TT'.
Coincidence? I think not!
eager
21st February 2005, 17:35
$1,299.
And it's still just a 'recreational' model.
How do kids afford pushbikes these days?
well my bike has cost me $4000( i have put better stuff on it) and thats out of my own money and im 17. ive just relised 250cc motorbikes are the same price and you dont have to pedal and you look cooler :2thumbsup why didnt anyone tell me :brick: so now with the money that was going to get me a new MTB bike, is going towards a motorbike :done:
Clockwork
21st February 2005, 18:33
And yes, I am going to get lycra shorts, because I am in some pain right now in a place where I think I would not be in pain if I had been wearing lycra shorts this morning.
Lycra shorts will not stop the pain... only time in the saddle will do that!
Come on Bud..... tuff it out!
:ride: :kick: :ride:
jrandom
21st February 2005, 18:41
Lycra shorts will not stop the pain... only time in the saddle will do that!
er... the inside seam in my baggy board shorts grated a hole in the skin of my crotch with every stroke of my right leg. Serious rawness ensued.
OK?
So Lycra shorts *would* have avoided the pain.
Come on Bud..... tuff it out!
You want to join me in the bow-legged club for a day, matey?
loosebruce
21st February 2005, 18:55
Good to see ya picked a bike up man, give me an motoracer a bell if ya head out woodhill way and we'll tag along, i'm slow and unfit and have put on 12kg since looping the TL :confused: , cast is coming off this thursday so anytime is good for me :niceone:
Hitcher
21st February 2005, 20:00
er... the inside seam in my baggy board shorts grated a hole in the skin of my crotch with every stroke of my right leg. Serious rawness ensued.
OK?
So Lycra shorts *would* have avoided the pain.
Nothing a camel-dung poltice won't cure...
jrandom
22nd February 2005, 08:19
Good to see ya picked a bike up man, give me an motoracer a bell if ya head out woodhill way and we'll tag along, i'm slow and unfit and have put on 12kg since looping the TL :confused: , cast is coming off this thursday so anytime is good for me :niceone:
OK, I will do that. Hopefully with recently-broken hands and an extra 12kg you'll be slow enough that I can actually keep you in sight. I only get to use the bike on the weekends that Sarah doesn't want it, so I'm not sure if this coming one will be a go. But you *will* be getting a call at some point.
If I really really like this, and don't get bored too quickly, I might have to buy one of my own. She's already getting twitchy about me wanting to try putting the road slicks on and riding it 30km each way into work once a week. If I start taking it offroad regularly she might put her foot down.
Drunken Monkey
22nd February 2005, 08:27
Good to see ya picked a bike up man, give me an motoracer a bell if ya head out woodhill way and we'll tag along, i'm slow and unfit and have put on 12kg since looping the TL :confused: , cast is coming off this thursday so anytime is good for me :niceone:
Don't forget me!!
vifferman
25th February 2005, 10:27
You were supposed to Giant Iguana your way to work today.
Did you?
How was it?
Can you still walk? :spudwhat:
jrandom
25th February 2005, 10:31
You were supposed to Giant Iguana your way to work today.
Did you?
How was it?
Can you still walk? :spudwhat:
I didn't, because I didn't get to bed until 3am this morning, then woke up late and was in a rush. Also I am well knackered from not enough sleep.
I'm going to do the ride to Northcote and back tomorrow morning and time myself, instead.
vifferman
25th February 2005, 10:38
I didn't, because I didn't get to bed until 3am this morning, then woke up late and was in a rush. Also I am well knackered from not enough sleep.
I'm going to do the ride to Northcote and back tomorrow morning and time myself, instead.
... and then you'll report back here as to whether riding made you super, or just poopered. :yeah:
crashe
25th February 2005, 10:43
oh so we all have to wait another day.......for your report...lol
hohum, what to do in the meantime while we all wait.....
Hmmmm maybe go for a MOTORbike ride later this arvo....
:spudwave: :wari: :banana:
jrandom
25th February 2005, 10:59
Yes, I'll probably be at the office by 11-ish tomorrow, so I'll log on and tell you all whether I'm dead or merely half dead.
slob
25th February 2005, 11:37
Don't forget me!!
Me too! Actually, it seems I'm going to be at Woodhill this Sunday at 8:00am! Me and some workmates are training for an upcoming x-country race - the Colville Connection (http://www.colvilleconnection.co.nz/) 70km of sheer pain!!
BTW, re: choice of shorts for cycling, my 100% cotton warehouse shorts (as opposed to polyester board shorts) work well enough for me i.e. no chafing!
jrandom
25th February 2005, 13:15
Me too! Actually, it seems I'm going to be at Woodhill this Sunday at 8:00am! Me and some workmates are training for an upcoming x-country race - the Colville Connection (http://www.colvilleconnection.co.nz/) 70km of sheer pain!!
Well, you're way above *my* level then. I'm almost too tentative to head out to Woodhill for serious efforts yet. I'm going to make sure I can do a decent distance on the road without collapsing, first.
BTW, re: choice of shorts for cycling, my 100% cotton warehouse shorts (as opposed to polyester board shorts) work well enough for me i.e. no chafing!
Yes, I found an old pair of shorts tucked under some jeans in a bottom drawer that do the job nicely without grating any holes in me.
And to think that the bike shop wanted to sell me a pair (or two) of some kinda special neopropynylenium riding shorts, guaranteed to make me go at least 300% faster, at $110 a pop.
Bah.
However, the evil and dastardly Mrs Random managed to get some of that gear for herself via the decidedly underhand argumentary tactic of comparing it to protective motorcycling gear, and asking me whether I'd skimp on *that*, and how much did my helmet cost again, and what did I spend on new glubs just last month... I quickly knuckle under and whip out the gold cards under that sort of nuclear-weapon persuasion.
marty
25th February 2005, 14:22
go to www.groundeffects.co.nz (http://www.groundeffects.co.nz/) they have awesome gear that looks cool - all the advantages of cycle shors in a boardie style. the supertankers and underdogs are cool - i have supertankers for hot days at the track
dangerous
25th February 2005, 19:03
go to www.groundeffects.co.nz (http://www.groundeffects.co.nz/) they have awesome gear that looks cool - all the advantages of cycle shors in a boardie style. the supertankers and underdogs are cool - i have supertankers for hot days at the track
Would have to agree there I use all there gear bit dear but well worth it.
jrandom
1st March 2005, 09:40
... and then you'll report back here as to whether riding made you super, or just poopered. :yeah:
Finally got around to doing it this morning, took me 2 hours and 10 minutes (sigh).
A wee bit poopered. I have grown fat, and scant of breath.
Hitcher
1st March 2005, 11:57
I have grown fat, and scant of breath.
And this can be cured by inserting an iguana in your butt crack?
vifferman
1st March 2005, 12:01
And this can be cured by inserting an iguana in your butt crack?
Only if it's a giant one. :done:
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