Ocean1
30th December 2008, 11:54
… It’s a Spyder fer fook’s sake.
Hello, welcome to Acme Auto Insurance, my name is Sharlene, how can I help you?
Good morning Sharlene, I want to insure my Spyder.
Certainly, Sir, what capacity is it?
It’s 990cc.
How many doors does it have?
None.
Um… pardon?
None, zero, it’s a sort of hybrid motorcycle/car, it’s got three wheels and you sit on it rather than in it.
Oh. But it’s got seat belts?
No, that wouldn’t be a good idea. I believe one needs to wear a helmet, however.
Er, excuse me for a moment while I check with my supervisor.
Fine.
Hello, Sir, my name is Nigel. We don’t seem to be able to identify this vehicle in our database, who is the manufacturer?
Hello Nigel, it’s made by Can Am, they’re a subsidiary of BRP.
Well they’re not in our database.
I’m concerned to hear that, Nigel. Does that mean you can’t insure it?
Oh no Sir, we offer policies for some of the most rare and special vehicles.
That sounds promising, how do we manage that, then?
Um, I’m not sure. If you give me a moment I’ll talk to my Manager...
...Hello, Sir, my name is Roger, how can I help you?
As I’ve been explaining to Sharlene and Nigel, I want to insure my Spyder.
Yes, I see. Unfortunately we don’t know anything about them.
But I understood that you offer policies for both rare and special vehicles.
Oh, yes Sir, we’re very proud of our outstanding record in tailoring a policy to suit any client.
Well, then, might I ask that you start stitching, Roger.
Yes, Sir. Certainly. There does seem to be a problem, however, in that your vehicle appears not to be in our database.
Yes, we’ve established that, some 20 minutes ago, Roger. How do we get it there?
Ah, I’m not sure. I’ll have to talk to the Managing Director, when he returns from holiday
Great, when’s that?
Well he’s usually back from his Xmas break well before the quarterly board meeting.
The next one being?
March, Sir.
Roger… never mind. Please pass my sincere best wishes to your boss, and ask him to bend you over your desk and violently insert a large pineapple up your rectum. Backwards.
Well, Sir, it seems in this case there’s nothing we can help you with, I’m sorry…
Click.
Hello, welcome to Zenith Motorcycle Insurance, my name is Deborah, how can I help you?
Hello Deborah, I”d like to insure my Spyder please.
OK, what size bike is it?
Look, can I save us both a bit of time? If you were to google “BRP Spyder” the information is all there, OK?
*Waits*
Oh, I see, how weird. Well, I guess we should be able it do that under our standard motorcycle policy. As long as it never leaves the approved designated security facility and no person under 60 yrs old ever lays eyes on it…
Excellent, can you please email me the policy documents and quote.
Certainly, Sir. Can I please have the registration details of the bike?
It’s not registered yet. And when it is it’ll be registered as a car.
Um, pardon?
It’s not a bike for the purposes of registration and licensing, it’s a car.
Er, excuse me for a moment while I check with my supervisor…
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Does anyone have any suggestions? (no, not regarding the pineapple).
Hello, welcome to Acme Auto Insurance, my name is Sharlene, how can I help you?
Good morning Sharlene, I want to insure my Spyder.
Certainly, Sir, what capacity is it?
It’s 990cc.
How many doors does it have?
None.
Um… pardon?
None, zero, it’s a sort of hybrid motorcycle/car, it’s got three wheels and you sit on it rather than in it.
Oh. But it’s got seat belts?
No, that wouldn’t be a good idea. I believe one needs to wear a helmet, however.
Er, excuse me for a moment while I check with my supervisor.
Fine.
Hello, Sir, my name is Nigel. We don’t seem to be able to identify this vehicle in our database, who is the manufacturer?
Hello Nigel, it’s made by Can Am, they’re a subsidiary of BRP.
Well they’re not in our database.
I’m concerned to hear that, Nigel. Does that mean you can’t insure it?
Oh no Sir, we offer policies for some of the most rare and special vehicles.
That sounds promising, how do we manage that, then?
Um, I’m not sure. If you give me a moment I’ll talk to my Manager...
...Hello, Sir, my name is Roger, how can I help you?
As I’ve been explaining to Sharlene and Nigel, I want to insure my Spyder.
Yes, I see. Unfortunately we don’t know anything about them.
But I understood that you offer policies for both rare and special vehicles.
Oh, yes Sir, we’re very proud of our outstanding record in tailoring a policy to suit any client.
Well, then, might I ask that you start stitching, Roger.
Yes, Sir. Certainly. There does seem to be a problem, however, in that your vehicle appears not to be in our database.
Yes, we’ve established that, some 20 minutes ago, Roger. How do we get it there?
Ah, I’m not sure. I’ll have to talk to the Managing Director, when he returns from holiday
Great, when’s that?
Well he’s usually back from his Xmas break well before the quarterly board meeting.
The next one being?
March, Sir.
Roger… never mind. Please pass my sincere best wishes to your boss, and ask him to bend you over your desk and violently insert a large pineapple up your rectum. Backwards.
Well, Sir, it seems in this case there’s nothing we can help you with, I’m sorry…
Click.
Hello, welcome to Zenith Motorcycle Insurance, my name is Deborah, how can I help you?
Hello Deborah, I”d like to insure my Spyder please.
OK, what size bike is it?
Look, can I save us both a bit of time? If you were to google “BRP Spyder” the information is all there, OK?
*Waits*
Oh, I see, how weird. Well, I guess we should be able it do that under our standard motorcycle policy. As long as it never leaves the approved designated security facility and no person under 60 yrs old ever lays eyes on it…
Excellent, can you please email me the policy documents and quote.
Certainly, Sir. Can I please have the registration details of the bike?
It’s not registered yet. And when it is it’ll be registered as a car.
Um, pardon?
It’s not a bike for the purposes of registration and licensing, it’s a car.
Er, excuse me for a moment while I check with my supervisor…
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Does anyone have any suggestions? (no, not regarding the pineapple).