Stop Alien Abductions [Archive]

LBD

22nd January 2009, 01:52

http://www.stopabductions.com

These devices have been around for years. They were initially developed by the US Govt. in 1947 after the Roswell crash. I still wear the one my Mum made for me over 40 years ago when I was a nipper, and even though I had to let the seams out as my head grew, leaving gaps in the protective shield, it still works as well today as the day I first donned it.

I also have a similar defence built into my pillow so I am protected while asleep should my primary defensive cap fall of while sleeping.

If you feel you do not have the skills or time to manufacture one or more for you and your family, Big Dave is taking orders along with deposits of $50 per unit in un marked bills, in plain white emvelopes addressed to Big Daves Anti Alien Abduction Headwear Euphoruim, 17 Little Green Man Lane, Roswell, New Mexico, USA.

Results guaranteed or money refunded...:whistle:

SARGE

22nd January 2009, 06:01

http://www.stopabductions.com

why the hell would i want to stop them?? Only entertainment i get...

MisterD

22nd January 2009, 07:26

Thanks BD, I was trying to find that site the other day - I used to work for 3M, and the link used to be in our customer references!

Fatjim

22nd January 2009, 07:31

Why is the guy making one, not wearing one? I think this is a clever plan by aliens to intensify the brainwaves, not deflect them.

Colapop

22nd January 2009, 08:03

How does one get onto the aliens list for abductions? Do they have an abductions scheduler that I can contact to see if they have an opening?

nodrog

22nd January 2009, 08:31

One woman who now wears a thought screen helmet along with her husband reports that she killed four alien-hybrid fetuses in a row by taking a gram of vitamin C every hour for weeks. She used her alarm clock at night to awaken her. She reported that she could no longer feel the fetuses moving and the aliens were very angry at the deaths of the alien-hybrids they implanted in her. The aliens did remove a dead alien-hybrid fetus before implanting a live one at another time. This was before she started wearing a thought screen helmet.

for fucksakes, i think she should be on medication a little bit stronger than vitamin C

Hitcher

22nd January 2009, 08:32

My biggest fear is that one day, They will come back and remove the anal probe.

vifferman

22nd January 2009, 08:37

why the hell would i want to stop them?? Only entertainment i get...
Is it the anal probing you especially like, or the kinky sex parties?
Anyway, I thought baiting KBers was your main source of entertainment?

slimjim

22nd January 2009, 08:39

My biggest fear is that one day, They will come back and remove the anal probe.

fuck and take back the dope plants they lefted last time they came..bastards..:innocent:

Karl08

22nd January 2009, 09:28

But do they stop the CIA reading our minds? shhhh they are listening now.

yod

22nd January 2009, 09:42

"IF YOU ARE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS THE HELMET WILL WORK FOR YOU"

but, but....what if they take it off!?!?!? arrrggghhhh!!!!!!

The Pastor

22nd January 2009, 09:49

Aliens have taken ten helmets from abductees and several Velostat lined baseball caps. If you are not wearing a hat they will go through your entire house looking for them. They will not, however, go into a locked cabinet. Before you make a helmet have some kind of cabinet or trunk that you can lock. That way they won’t take it.

nodrog

22nd January 2009, 10:30

.... They will not, however, go into a locked cabinet.....

so they will aduct you and probe your rectum, but they wont break into a locked cupboard? thats very respectable of them.

The Pastor

22nd January 2009, 10:31

so they will aduct you and probe your rectum, but they wont break into a locked cupboard? Thats very respectable of them.
these aliens are good aliens

The Stranger

22nd January 2009, 10:35

http://www.stopabductions.com

Thanks for that, I look foward to your review in the next KR Dave.

Big Dave

22nd January 2009, 10:39

Thanks for that, I look foward to your review in the next KR Dave.

Would you settle for a link on the KR web site?

The Stranger

22nd January 2009, 10:42

Would you settle for a link on the KR web site?

What's a matter, camera shy all of a sudden are we?

Don't be afraid, magnets did wonders for Peter Brock's career.

The Stranger

22nd January 2009, 10:57

My biggest fear is that one day, They will come back and remove the anal probe.

Little chance of that is there?

What's the odds of selecting you for an anal probe?
Surely it wasn't chance.

Will take them a life time to assess all the anal information they get from you Hitcher.

Curious_AJ

22nd January 2009, 11:01

my God lol.... I cant work out if that website is meant to be serious or not?? lol...

but HAHA alien mind control...

NighthawkNZ

22nd January 2009, 11:11

What stops the aliens from teleporting the hat off you... I mean they can travel the stars at faster than light oboviousily the have teleport technology...

or whats stopping them from just shooting you with their ray gun... oh never mind

noobi

22nd January 2009, 11:19

is it a bit slow today?

a polite alien is a good alien, its the rude ones you should watch out for

Big Dave

22nd January 2009, 11:36

What's a matter, camera shy all of a sudden are we?

Don't be afraid, magnets did wonders for Peter Brock's career.

Tui ad!

They certainly polarised his career if not the energy.

Roy & HG were selling the 'Donk Finger' at the time. They also claimed it improved performance but in fact it was a sausage that you cooked on the exhaust mainfold and ate after the race.

vifferman

22nd January 2009, 12:11

a polite alien is a good alien, its the rude ones you should watch out for
No no! Not at all!
The rude aliens are straightforward enough - you know that they're dodgy so you can watch out for them. OTOH, the polite ones are sneaky - they look OK on the surface, but that's just a ploy so they blend in a bit more, and can catch people unawares.
One minute they're discussing the weather, the next minute it's an anal probe up the wazoo, they're fishing around inside your cranium with their long grey gangly fingers, and your favourite bike magazines are fizzing from alien jiz splashed onto their glossy pages. :shit:

noobi

22nd January 2009, 12:20

No no! Not at all!
The rude aliens are straightforward enough - you know that they're dodgy so you can watch out for them. OTOH, the polite ones are sneaky - they look OK on the surface, but that's just a ploy so they blend in a bit more, and can catch people unawares.
One minute they're discussing the weather, the next minute it's an anal probe up the wazoo, they're fishing around inside your cranium with their long grey gangly fingers, and your favourite bike magazines are fizzing from alien jiz splashed onto their glossy pages. :shit:

O I C what you mean
This has to be experience your talking from?
Maybe they dont like kiwirider magazines, all mine are fine and fizz free :crazy:

SARGE

22nd January 2009, 16:27

is it the anal probing you especially like, or the kinky sex parties?
Anyway, i thought baiting kbers was your main source of entertainment?

ive never baited anyone ..wound a Few up sometimes and have never let political correctness stand in my way of having a laugh

and no..its not the probing or the kinky sex.. ..its the wildassed martian cigars and torillian ale

SARGE

22nd January 2009, 16:34

.... It was a sausage that you cooked on the exhaust mainfold and ate after the race.

we used to wrap slices of pizza in foil and put them on the intake of the v8's before a road trip..

Nice and hot by the time we stopped for fuel

Swoop

22nd January 2009, 18:39

"IF YOU ARE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS THE HELMET WILL WORK FOR YOU"

but, but....what if they take it off!?!?!?
What happens if you are in the shower when Mr &/or Mrs Alien arrive?<_<

noobi

22nd January 2009, 18:45

The ones who buy these things need to be aware that, should you feel the need to stick your head in a microwave and turn it on that you must remove the protective helmet
Because children sparks are hot and can burn you

:clap:

martybabe

22nd January 2009, 22:47

Don't need one thanks BD, my thunks are too complicated for spacemen to read.

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Big Dave

22nd January 2009, 22:50

Catchy riff!

Skyryder

23rd January 2009, 16:52

They don't work. I just got back.

Skyryder

LBD

23rd January 2009, 18:35

They don't work. I just got back.

Skyryder

Probe still in place????

hazard02

23rd January 2009, 18:59

““The aliens clearly do not like the helmet.” (This statement is from a woman abductee and her five year old daughter who was also being abducted. The aliens harassed the five year old and threatened her that something terrible would happen to her mother if her mother did not stop wearing the helmet. The girl was so frightened by the aliens that her mother stopped wearing the helmet and they both were taken.)”

They can't read your thoughts, so instead they threaten your children.
Great success!