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MotoGirl
4th February 2009, 20:33
My family has always harassed me about being a little too curious when it comes to death. I don’t know why but I’m completely intrigued by it. I have seen animals being slaughtered and post-mortems being performed and, although it makes me feel uncomfortable, it’s hellishly interesting. I enjoy watching documentaries related to death (nothing sick, though).

The purpose of this thread is because my interest in death has finally come in helpful to someone. “How so?” you’re probably thinking? Let me explain in my longwinded kind of way...

My mother’s best friend, Sue, has recently been diagnosed with Cancer. She’s absolutely riddled with it and her life expectancy is down to a few weeks. This is no surprise considering she had a mastectomy only a few years ago thanks to Breast Cancer.

Sue’s family are a pack of money-hungry vultures and they are only out for themselves. Her own sister and sons are not even prepared to care for her or foot the bill for her funeral. This has left poor Sue in an interesting position given that she has no money and a family more interested in her estate than her wellbeing.

Here’s the bit that really gets me: my mother is not only unemployed, studying for a Masters in Computer Studies, and negotiating a fair Relationship Property Agreement with my father, but she’s now Sue’s full time caregiver. Mum can’t afford tyres for her car yet she’s taken in someone who needs her help.

Mum doesn’t have the money to fund a formal funeral so they held a memorial a few weeks ago, and Sue was alive to experience it. They’ve already spoken to the Funeral Director and arranged for a simple cremation – there will be no service whatsoever. Would you believe they have been quoted $1,800 simply for collecting Sue’s body, transporting it to the crematorium, and cremating it in what’s effectively a cardboard casket liner? This is simply staggering!

I understand the government provides a certain amount of money towards a funeral but I hear it’s bugger all. Hence, here’s where the morbidity comes in useful...

I can recall watching a documentary called “The Business of Death” (or similar) and seeing a group of children decorating a casket that had been handmade for their grandmother. Straight away, I suggested that mum contact the funeral director and a) find out how much they were being charged for the cardboard liner and, b) ask what a handmade casket needs to be made of. We have since discovered that a cardboard liner costs around $780. Bloody hell!

We have taken the idea of what I saw on TV and started pulling a few strings. My father and one of his employees have sourced the wood (which Mastercraft has kindly donated :2thumbsup) and they will proceed to hand make a casket. I’m sure it’ll be a first for both of them, but thankfully, the funeral director is a customer of dad’s (who not only upholsters custom bike seats but also hearses :rofl:) and they have lent him a real casket to use as a pattern. Hell, they’re even allowed to borrow the flashy handles so Sue’s casket looks the business. We also have some beautiful white fabric to line it with.

Not only is Sue’s casket going to be free, we have the opportunity to give her something so personal. She’s still with us and is fully aware of the effort that so many people are going to. This process is almost heart warming because so many people will be involved in creating Sue’s casket – some of them are not even her friends and even my parents have put aside their marital disputes to make this happen. This almost restores one’s faith in the human race don’tcha reckon?

The punch line here is that funerals don’t need to cost a fortune – you just need to be savvy and aware of the things you are allowed to do yourself.

Nasty
4th February 2009, 21:29
Great ideas there Motogirl .. and I totally agree ... funerals I know can be bloody expensive ... there is much that people can do ... and that is wonderful ... little things like bring a plate to help with catering ... like helping with the casket .. and even donating time to create programmes ... stuff like that is not taking or asking for a lot ... but it brings people together .. especially those that care for one another... and what a most fantastic way to show that you care.

R6_kid
4th February 2009, 22:04
One of the coolest things i've seen was my mate Fynn (westie) making a casket for his grandfather. All of the family had pitched in and put their effort into it. It was no half assed casket, finished better than your average carpenter would put out - a proper masterpiece. Hours of work were put into it and the whole time everyone knew that its purpose was to get buried/cremated.

I think knowing that what you're doing, in creating something that well made and beautifully crafted, only for it to be destroyed in due course, shows that you really care for the person that will eventually get to reside in it for their final passage.

Good work MotoGirl :niceone:

Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)
4th February 2009, 23:17
Good Thread. Winz pay $1,760. The funeral director wouldn't even tell me how much just the cremation cost. It has certainly made me rethink what I want for a funeral. Nothing. If someone wanted to make my casket I would be honoured - they would need a car crate tho lol. Ok I had a bad experience with my friend's funeral directors and my thinking is you bastards aren't gonna get a cent more out of me than the WINZ payout.

Obviously your funeral directors are alot more compassionate and it is great to see they are helping you out any way they can.

Isn't it wonderful to feel that kind of love regarding Sue and her final farewell. Your mother is an amazing woman and she can honestly say she did her best for her friend - I have looked after 2 friends to their death and it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It is exhausting, and emotionally challenging but you are given the strength to do it. I cannot explain the feeling very well - put it into words.

Family can be the worst at these times. It continues to horrify me the horrendous behaviour of relatives. My first husband had a saying "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives".

balans
5th February 2009, 04:44
I quite like the idea of having my body donated to medical science. Maybe it's not something everyone feels comfortable with, but I like the idea of helping out with training and medical reasearch. Also it's one way of being able to avoid dealing with the vultures in the funeral industry.

http://www.fmhs.auckland.ac.nz/sms/anatomy/aboutus/bequest.aspx

Slyer
5th February 2009, 06:26
Yeah, I'm not too bothered what happens to my body after I'm dead.
Burn me, donate me to science or bury me under a lemon tree, it's all good.