Bottom scanners in UK prisons

[vifferman]

It's a weird world. UK prisons (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4427768/Bottom-scanners-to-be-introduced-in-prisons.html) are to introduce arse scanners for naughty prisoners trying to smuggle phones and other 'shit' into prisons.

[Laava]

Is it Julian Clary?
"I thank you!"

[Hitcher]

Rectum? Damn near killed him.

[Ixion]

I know that cellphones are very small now, and I am but a naive old man, but is actually possible, without anatomical damage?

[bungbung]

I know that cellphones are very small now, and I am but a naive old man, but is actually possible, without anatomical damage?

Search on google, I'm sure there are plenty of demonstration videos available.

Perhaps "arse coke can video" is a good start

[Ixion]

I think I will remain in naive innocence.

[PrincessBandit]

Perhaps "arse coke can video" is a good start

Given that women are designed to give birth to creatures the size and weight of a bowling ball it would be easy enough for many of us to do; don't know how a man would fare though. Makes the eyes water just thinking about it.....:eek:

[Ixion]

My uncertainty was predicated on the article being headed "Bottom scanners". Not "Pussy scanners"

[slofox]

"The mobile Boss chairs have three sensitive sensors which can detect metal items as small as a pin..."

:weird: Why wouldja stick a pin up there?????????

[martybabe]

It's a weird world. UK prisons (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4427768/Bottom-scanners-to-be-introduced-in-prisons.html) are to introduce arse scanners for naughty prisoners trying to smuggle phones and other 'shit' into prisons.

NWS


I know a bunch of warped Fire men that could have weeks of fun with an item such as the one you describe :rolleyes: and in answer to Ixion's question, I have witnessed the same firemen play the disappearing anal snooker ball game, so yes, after years of selfless training, I believe a Cell phone would be easy peasy.

As a side note for you blokes that are interested the record for snooker balls in a foreskin is four and in a scrotum 8 not counting the resident two pink ones. :lol: Guinness were never in attendance so the records remain unofficial.

Man I've wasted my life!:eek5:

[bungbung]

Given that women are designed to give birth to creatures the size and weight of a bowling ball it would be easy enough for many of us to do; don't know how a man would fare though. Makes the eyes water just thinking about it.....:eek:

You're not giving birth through your arsehole though are you?

[Ixion]

Makes mental note never to play snooker with firemen.

[bungbung]

I don't want to know how you can get a snooker ball into a scrotum

[martybabe]

I don't want to know how you can get a snooker ball into a scrotum

No you don't but as an indication of how my mind is now twisted beyond redemption, it occurred to me that the pink chappy in your avatar may be enduring an arse scanning as we correspond. :lol:

Sorry, I'm going for a lie down now.

[vifferman]

My uncertainty was predicated on the article being headed "Bottom scanners". Not "Pussy scanners"
"Front bottoms", perhaps?

[enigma51]

Given that women are designed to give birth to creatures the size and weight of a bowling ball it would be easy enough for many of us to do; don't know how a man would fare though. Makes the eyes water just thinking about it.....:eek:

Actualy women are not designed for the size thats why the vagina's rips in half. :gob: Also when a baby is born its not fully developed yet if that was the case women would carry baby's for another 12 months but because our brains are so big we need to be born before its impossible to get out ..... the natural way. Its one of disadvantage of walking upright and being smarter than the animals (in most cases that is)

[PrincessBandit]

Actualy women are not designed for the size thats why the vagina's rips in half. :gob: Also when a baby is born its not fully developed yet if that was the case women would carry baby's for another 12 months but because our brains are so big we need to be born before its impossible to get out ..... the natural way. Its one of disadvantage of walking upright and being smarter than the animals (in most cases that is)

Well, I've given birth to two children, both "naturally", how many have you?
I must say I didn't "rip in half" either time so stop scaring the bejeepers out of women out there who are awaiting the birth of their first child, or have still to have the experience of delivering a baby sometime in their future.

[PrincessBandit]

You're not giving birth through your arsehole though are you?

No, but it sure feels like it for some of the time!

[Lias]

I know that cellphones are very small now, and I am but a naive old man, but is actually possible, without anatomical damage?

Meet Thor.

http://zetacreations.com/images/2.jpg

Thor is 24" long and over 5" wide at the flare. Thor isn't for ladies, thor is for blokes who like to get rodgered by horses (see also Mr Hands (http://www.google.co.nz/search?&q=mr+hands))

Also see the interview with the guy behind the Goatse (http://web.archive.org/web/20070427035524/www.bmezine.com/news/people/A20210/plp56/index.html) pictures.

[Swoop]

Mr Goatse would be able to accomodate one of the old "brick" cellphones...:sweatdrop

[MIXONE]

Makes mental note never to play snooker with firemen.

Or to touch their balls.:eek5:

[Hitcher]

Meet Thor.


Very thor, I'm thure.

[Forest]

I know that cellphones are very small now, and I am but a naive old man, but is actually possible, without anatomical damage?

Here is a live-action video of the Goatse guy.

Please don't click on this link at work. In fact you're probably better off if you never click on the link at all. It is somewhat disturbing.

http://www.bangbull.com/details/21957/Big_anal_plug.html

[martybabe]

Makes mental note never to play snooker with firemen.

Good choice, stay away from the cues and never accept the offer of a hot chocolate unless your natural flow is severely impeeded. :crazy:


Or to touch their balls.:eek5:

:laugh: It's as valid a greeting as the Maori touchy nosey thing, a cultural grab of a Fireman's hot balls or a nipple twist is considered polite protocol.

You'll not want to hear of the morning haemorrhoid inspection parade then? No, OK.

Disclaimer: none of the above juvenile behaviour is applicable to NZ Firefighters who I'm sure are Gentlemen and Ladies of a somewhat higher moral virtue.

[enigma51]

Well, I've given birth to two children, both "naturally", how many have you?
I must say I didn't "rip in half" either time so stop scaring the bejeepers out of women out there who are awaiting the birth of their first child, or have still to have the experience of delivering a baby sometime in their future.

Thanks too my very good past life im a male in this one :whistle:


Im only stating the facts about the fact that walking around upright and being more intelligent than animals has it disadvantages especially if you are a women

[ynot slow]

Like to see them xray my arse,all stitched up,bowel cancer seems to have that effect lol.Really pisses me off as my brown eyes don't have the same effect as they used too.No shit stains.

[McJim]

My uncertainty was predicated on the article being headed "Bottom scanners". Not "Pussy scanners"

Oh c'mon. How many phones can you fit in a cat? :rofl: