Voted best scottish short joke (highly inappropriate)

[Nasty]

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

"Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"

[Number One]

You had me at 'Highly inappropriate' :2thumbsup

[James Deuce]

It's not a joke. Librarians are really like that. They don't even need to be Glaswegian to answer like that.

[Ixion]

That does not follow. He might have wanted to read it there, not take it out.

[Tank]

That does not follow. He might have wanted to read it there, not take it out.

Its true - Even in death a scot will do anything to avoid the late return fee.

tight bastards!

[awayatc]

How do you know you took out a Scottish cookbook?

It starts with:

You borrow an egg.....

[scumdog]

How do you know you took out a Scottish cookbook?

It starts with:

You borrow an egg.....

Plurry hell bro, a good thing us Scots ain't sensetive or PC eh??:laugh:

[James Deuce]

It's the ginga ones you have to watch out for.

[MisterD]

Why are 50p pieces shaped like that?


So you can get them out of a scotsman's hand with a spanner...:dodge:

[munster]

They say copper wire was invented by 2 Scotsmen fighting over a penny (courtesy of The Big Yin - Billy Connolly)

[FJRider]

Plurry hell bro, a good thing us Scots ain't sensetive or PC eh??:laugh:

You can't be a scot... LONG arm of the law....etc.

Scots have SHORT arms... and deep pockets...

[flyingscotsman]

No self respecting hairy arsed Jock can let this go unanswered.........so.........

A Kiwi walks into the local unemployment office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I hate being on welfare, I'd really rather have a job."

The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.

The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The Kiwi says, "You're bullshitting me!"

The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".


Take that......:laugh:

[KiwiPhoenix]

You can't be a scot... LONG arm of the law....etc.

Scots have SHORT arms... and deep pockets...

You obviously know my uncle then!

yep, scots chick here and I have to agree some scots can be tight-assed!

[RiderInBlack]

A Kiwi walks into the local unemployment office, ..........
The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".

LOL, love it. Ya know us so well.... but a real Kiwi would have found some reason he couldn't do the job (ya know bad back, no licience, etc):msn-wink: Now where's that Tui's:apint: