How marriage works

[Blatman]

A newlywed couple had only been
married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't
wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies

So, he said to his new wife,
'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, coochy cooh?'
asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face.
I' m going to have a beer.'

The wife said,
'You want a beer, my love?'

She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12
different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do,
and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly
pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen
glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence,
because the wife interrupted him by saying,
You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer,
so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?'
She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Dickhead?
Drink your f***ing beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?'

and, they lived happily ever after.

[P38]

Hehehehe

That sounds like the first one I married...... Chose a lot better second time around.

[FROSTY]

sorry -but im seriously pissing myself laughing--Jorja is striding towarsd me with a hot skilllett and ....................

[fire eyes]

ohhh mannnnnnnnn that is a good one!!!!!!!!! big thumbs up from me!

[jafar]

Hehehehe

That sounds like the first one I married...... Chose a lot better second time around.

Me too :whocares:

[kevfromcoro]

Hehehehe

That sounds like the first one I married...... Chose a lot better second time around.

Think what the 3rd one will be like..............

:shit:

[Sharry]

Cricky, bugger buying the beer, freezing the mug and making cnape things.
I used to wave goodnight to him and relish a night of full control over the TV remote :lol:

[Slyer]

I'm never getting married ever.

[EJK]

Oh that's naughty

[P38]

Think what the 3rd one will be like..............

:shit:

Wont be a third...... Found me a real keeper this time.

[slofox]

Wont be a third...... Found me a real keeper this time.

She's looking over your shoulder as you type, huh..?

[duckonin]

:clap:Yep pay the docter, nice one:first:

[BuckBuck#1]

"A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife..

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc.


The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know....they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,

'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know....there's swearing, d irty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherfucking snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?'

..........and, they lived happily ever after.

Now, isn't that a sweet story?!!"

Heads Up and Enjoy
Blogg http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/blog.php?u=23905

[cc rider]

A newlywed couple had only been
married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't
wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies...
...and, they lived happily ever after.

Hubby forgot to mention that there were strippers at the pub....and, they lived happily ever after. :devil2:

[sugilite]

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, honey bunch?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,

'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherfucking snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere! Got it, Arsehole?'

So he stayed home............
........and, they lived happily ever after.


Now, isn't that a sweet sweet story?

[007XX]

I'd rather shave my head and become a monk than be that kind of wife...

[kunoichi]

ROFL! nicely said...
but honesty women like that should be kept at the end of a freaking barge pole!

[The Stranger]

Yeah, he needs to get it right from the start.

[MSTRS]

I'd rather shave my head and become a monk than be that kind of wife...I'd rather you did, too....


Yeah, he needs to get it right from the start.

Yeah. He's got the leash about the right length. But what's she doing without an iron?

[mashman]

But what's she doing without an iron?

Looks like she's picking up her teeth for forgetting it!!!

[ManDownUnder]

Yeah, he needs to get it right from the start.

Where is she holding the bouquet?

[Kevnz]

Shit! Married for 2 weeks and still talking :argue:

[007XX]

I'd rather you did, too....


:bleh:


Shit! Married for 2 weeks and still talking :argue:

Relax...been with hubby for 7 years, married for almost three and our daughter has just turned 3 months old.

And yeah, still talking, laughing, shagging, etc :love:

It can happen if both parties are prepared to make it work.

[sugilite]

Sigh, a repost huh, sux. I typed how marriage works into search 1st and nadda :mad:

Had this been me, I would likely have found a range of toilet brushes in the fridge for me to select from, a frozen set of clothes pegs in the freezer and a can of oven cleaner in the stove.

[86GSXR]

The engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering :doh:

[kevfromcoro]

Sam was about to get married

A week before the wedding . sam had nasty acciedent and broke his dick .

so off he goes to the doctor.. the doc strapped his dick up with 4 tt sticks and some cable ties.

the night of the honeymoon comes .

his bride dropped her clothes.. and said. no man has ever seen this before,

sam dropped his pants
and said look at this
its still in the crate

[crazyhorse]

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the best, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy) I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing.

I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.


Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.

[Stirts]

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty & so is your head.

After you, my love, my only prize
Would be a bullet between the eyes.

Of loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you're not.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming.

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.