How do you tell your kids you can't see them anymore?

[riffer]

Hey all.

In the latest family court debacle, my ex has demanded:

1. that I undergo psychotherapy with a psychologist
2. that she has the right to direct how I am to be counselled
3. that the psychologist reports back to her lawyer to ensure this is successful
4. that I pay for this out of my own pocket.

and:

5. that my access is suspended until I do so.

This is not going to happen, therefore my access is suspended indefinitely.

My daughter turns seven tomorrow. She is suffering from huge loss issues based on her mother only letting her see me six times since her last birthday. I know this because her psychotherapist said so in writing.

She rings me twice a day while hiding in the backyard of her mother's section so they won't hear her on the 'phone. She says her mother won't pay her any attention and she misses me heaps. My son only talks to me when he sees me, which isn't a lot.

So, how do I tell my daughter that her mother won't let me see her any more?

[vifferman]

Well, I'm sorry but I don't have any answers for you. I do hope things work out for you though, Simon.

Isn't there some redress to this farcical situation? A higher, more-commonsensical bureaucrat you can appeal to?:spudwhat:

[White trash]

Yup.

I'd be writing to the Dominion Post. Shame the kids are involved.

Fuck I'm lucky, I feel for you mate.

[**R1**]

That SUCKS man......if I couldnt see my kids i think i would have the ex go missing:sneaky2: ....sorry i have no other advice....but best of luck....


It fucks me off that some bitch can just do that:angry2:

[ManDownUnder]

I can't put it into words dude... it just shocks me.

It's not right and I think yo've got a lot of support in here.

That being said, is it an option to do the councelling in order to get more regular access to the kids? Maybe write to her lawyer and have them confirm that while you don't believe you need to undertajke that course of action, you'll do it for the kids' sake but in anticipation of doing that you'd like assurances of
1) Regular visitation rights...
2) anything else you expect
3)... etc...

Just a thought, and good luck. Wow... good luck...

[MSTRS]

This is not uncommon. I think it's designed to divert attention away from the mother (who is the one with the problem in reality). Something very similar is happening to my stepson at the mo. If you feel strongly enough to fight it (and can afford to) start taking the offensive through the Family court with some demands of your own. At all times ensure what you do is absolutely reasonable & justifiable. Your X will be the one to end up looking crazy. Good luck.

[curious george]

I'm sorry I don't the law or your situation well enough to offer any meaningful advice, but hopefully when your kids get older they realise they were pawns in all this, and can then see you as much as they like :no:
*votes this the sadest post I've read*
Hope you get more favourable conditions soon.
Or your ex carks it....*shouldn't have said that! But if felt right!*

[Biff]

My heart goes out to you mate.

I can't think of any decent advice to give you, other than honesty is the always the best policy I guess. To a degree at least. Avoid saying negative things about your ex, as hard as it may be.

It's extremely important that you make sure you tell your little girl how much you love her and that none of this is her fault.

I take it you've got yourself some legal representation and advice.

Fingers crossed common sense prevails here. Good luck :niceone:

[MOTOXXX]

not cool at all bro, and it happens more than people are aware of too. (my mate is going through the same thing)

hope things work out for you dude

[ManDownUnder]

Hey all.
1. that I undergo psychotherapy with a psychologist
2. that she has the right to direct how I am to be counselled


re-reading this... isn't it the court that should direct how you are to be councelled? Sure, take her viewpoint into consideration, but take your's too, and hopefully those of a councellor (someone with expertise in the area...)

The nature of the ongoing relationship you have with your kids has got to be dictated with their wellbeing in mind, first and foremost. If your ex is Anti you for any reason, she's not qualified to make that unbiased decision.. and I suggest the family court might not be the best place for it either.

Sorry for the double post, but just on the face of it... this situation isn't right... not right at all...

There's a Men's rights group out there somewhere (Man Alive?) which will assist in helping you through some of this stuff. Never used them myself, but at this point it'd be a benefit for you to have some support and direction from someone not so cut up too (I expect you're not thinking 100% straight at the moment).

Good luck man...

[TonyB]

It's been said I know, but my heart goes out to you mate. This sucks beyond words. Isn't there a psychologist on this site? I'm sure I've seen him/her post somewhere. Maybe you could follow ManDownUnders suggestion and say "Righto, but under these conditions..." and work out some sort of a deal/scam with the KB shrink?

[jazbug5]

Sorry, so sorry for both of you. Not knowing the details, I can't offer any constructive advice: I just hope that some sort of lasting resolution is found that brings some sanity to the situation.

[Sensei]

Not good new's Dude . What's with the Psycologist thing .Is the Ex playing hard ball .Or just very bitter & using the Kid's to get back at you . Not right either way I feel for you , Got kid's of my own . Hopefully you daughter can understand what is going down with out making thing's any worse for you .
SENSEI

[Joni]

Simon, I read this... did not reply and then had to read it again... Im so sorry that you have to go through this, I know it must hurt like hell. I feel even worse because I cant help at all.

I really hope things work out for you and your children.

Good luck mate.

:hug:

[Lou Girardin]

You might want to contact Nick Smith MP, he's had some good run-ins with the family court.
PS Have you got a solicitor?

[Blakamin]

What sux the most is the fact she'll prolly have legal aid and you have to find $10k outta your pocket.... fuck, family court is just bull shit!!!

is there a website for that fathers group? (cant remember what they're called but they have a fuckin good handle on family law)
Might pay to look into them...

Good luck... and if ya need anything, just yell

[Ms Piggy]

Hey Simon,
I am so sorry about your situation. Thats really all I can say. I'm not a parent so I can only imagine what it must be like for you right now. My thoughts are with you. :hug:

[Rainbow Wizard]

Isn't there some redress to this farcical situation? A higher, more-commonsensical bureaucrat you can appeal to?:spudwhat:
You must be bloody joking!

[Skyryder]

This is one of the reasons so many kids are fucked. One parent acts ...............well I am not going to state the obvious. Don't have all the answers for this one but keep it simple. You asked the question 'How do you tell your kids you can't see them." There is no answer for that question but I think you both need to know that this will not be forever. Kids grow up and become adults. Just hope all pans out for 'all' of your family.

Skyryder

[SPman]

Bad news mate.
Tell your daughter straight out and why.
Kids arent stupid.
My brother went through exactly the same bullshit. His sons are now 19 &17 and are a bit screwed up - which the ex, surprise surprise, blames on him! But at least they can see him now.

try this link http://www.menscentre.org.nz/links.htm

[soundbeltfarm]

feel for you mate.
if i couldn,t see my kids dont know what i would do.
sounds loike she needs the therapist.
why are people so blind to the needs of their children in split ups.
she just trying to hurt you and not thinkingof the children.
and she is hurting you... fucken bitch.
when your kids are older they hopefully will come with you.
same thing happening to a member of my family as we speak.

[Ghost Lemur]

This doesn't quite sound right to me. Did the caught make this order, or was it a demand from her lawyer?

If the latter ignore it. If the former, was it a one off thing? Going through my battle with the ex, we ALL had to do one, including the kids. Although with them it was just the guy coming out and observing them. If it's a one off just do it, tis nothing to worry about and pretty standard.

If it's a court order demanding on going psychotheraphy... I don't know you or your circumstances... but I'd do two things, contact my local mp, media, absentee fathers support group and two, appeal.

Stay strong and remember your kids are not kids forever. Yes it may be fucking with them emotionally and that's a scary thought, expecially when you have no control over the situation. But they will make there own choices when they are adults. Then she (your ex) will be unable to dictate the relationship you have with them.

Most importantly though is that you kids know you haven't given up, and they are still important enough to keep fighting.

But get more professional advice, we're all here for support but aren't of much use above that.

Stay strong.

[FROSTY]

Mate methinks its time to stop playing mr nice guy (with her)
Apply to the high court and get a court order exactly and specificly giving times of access etc. This totally sucks mate and I so feel for you a ginny.
-ya know Im goin through the same shite with my lil girl doncha.
I think if she doesn't comply with high court judgments she can be held in contemp of court.
Stay strong me lil buddy -Im prayin for ya

[riffer]

Thanks guys. The support means a lot to me.

Obviously there's a lot more going on here then I can discuss in a public forum (what I can say about the family court system is limited).

Suffice to say:

My ex is a control freak.
Everything she is doing was previously done by her mother to her father.
She has major issues with her father.
Our breakup was not amicable.
She was unfaithful.
She has accused us of many things during this two-year court battle, most of them untrue.
Lawyers are extremely expensive
The children love us unconditionally despite their mothers behaviour.

It is an absolute shame she has to drag them through this crap.

[Coyote]

1. that I undergo psychotherapy with a psychologist
2. that she has the right to direct how I am to be counselled
4. that I pay for this out of my own pocket.
That's incredible. How can someone have the nerve to demand that? Wouldn't the court see her as a raving lunatic? And psychotherapy? What have you done for her to be asking that?

Hope you make it through ok, with you all the way

[Joni]

with you all the way

Yes remember that Simon, I wont talk for anyone else here, although Im sure there are many people who say the same. If you need anything let me know.

Jo
:sunny:

[madboy]

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and from an Upper Hutt slapper too) but fortunately for me circumstances were different to yours and I'm the one with the kid tucked up in bed in my house now.

Only advice I can offer is get a GOOD lawyer (they're certainly not all created equal - sell the bike, car, get a loan, but make sure they're GOOD) and don't EVER get into the slanging match. She can say you did everything under the sun, but don't bite back.

You're the one who has to live with your actions. As many have said before me, your kids will be adults one day and they will be able to see the what really went on, and it will reflect accordingly on those involved. Needless to say, if you can hold your head high and say you conducted yourself like an adult - then you will be the winner.

[wkid_one]

Si man - that is cruel. You are welcome over here anytime for a brew....

I unfortunately have only fought for custody over my dog!

I can see how young Celtic is one you would miss, he is a gem......I can only imagine if the daughter is similar ---- it must be tearing you apart.

Anything I can do to help - let me know.

[Hooks]

Simon I really feel for you ... I am about to go through something similar but caused by in laws as my ex still overseas. The fact that I have done this with 4 kids on my own with little or no support means nothing and now just because I'm trying to do something for myself in my life they think they have right to control how we live !!
The family court system is probably the most useless thing the B'crats have ever put together !!
Is there no way that your daughters therapist can over-ride the court as far as her well-being is concerned ?? If they know what is happening then surely they must be bound to ensure her wefare and offer a solution as well as casting some doubts on the stability of your ex ??
I can't offer more help than that ... but if you need something like references or anything then I will gladly supply what I can for you ... good luck and hang in there ...

[inlinefour]

I successfully defended myself and had everything dropped. However that is of no help.
I can say that eventually my ex realised how much of a cunt she was being and how it was impacting on our son.
I am a Psychiatric Nurse and consider that if I had to do what is asked of you in order to proove myself then I would have taken great pleassure in prooving that she was a complete liar. However throught the courts we prooved that. The law is an arse, no two ways of seeing that and I reaaly empathise with you and your situation.
Have they come up with a clear reason why you need the assessments? If not then its your right to challenge it, but yes it will all cost if your working. My episode cost around $6500-00, before she folded.
If you need any more advice and think I could be helpfull PM me. I am a trained health professional and consider confidentiality paramount.
Good luck to you my friend.

[MadDuck]

I will answer from a slightly different angle as I was on the receiving end as a kid. Be careful...be very very careful. Your daughter will soon be a teenager. Yeah it will be faster than you think.

Girls love their Dads and need them in their lives so publicly trashing your ex will not help. Neither will a nasty Court battle (dont matter how much or how good your lawyer is) because your ex will win as unfortunately for the shitty laws we have in NZ the woman always wins. Dont lower yourself to her level and your kids will respect that when they are older. Ok it hurts at the moment but stay in touch with them and you will be rewarded. If you are paying child support you ARE entitled to see them with an agreement from CYFS. It so gives me the shits that the fathers are seen as the bad party in break ups.

Good luck.
MD

[StoneChucker]

Simon

I have nothing to say other than what has already been said. I just want you to know you can lean on us anytime you need to. It really upsets me to read about this, I can't even imagine how it must be tearing you apart. I don't think I could handle a partner being unfaithful :(

Mate, stick in there and don't give up. While slightly naive, I still believe that in the end, good prevails. You're a nice guy, and your kids deserve the best.

BEST wishes and thoughts.
Dave.

[toads]

without knowing you or your partner at all, but knowing the "system" we live in regarding social justice etc, the status quo tends to favour the woman regardless of the situation, while It is true young children need the nuture of their mothers,they also need the love, support and company of their fathers it seems to me that it is grossly stupid to try and exclude or limit the involvement of a loving willing parent, and overall hugely detrimental to a child. This sort of policy is why NZ has so many solo parents.
The worst thing is your ex will regret her actions later on when the kids turn against her in their teen years, this will ironically be the time she will need you to back her up and support her.
Stick to your guns, be involved for your kids sake and don't bow down to the threats, fight to retain your rights as a parent.

[crashe]

May I suggest that you go back to court and get it in writing throu the judge when you have access to the children. She must then obey the law. If she doesnt then that wont go in favour with the judge.

But like all of us we don't know all the circumstances.... that is between you and your ex.

But if you are paying maintainence then you are entitled to regular access. This is usually every second weekend and sometimes a wednesday night thrown in.

Whether to tell your daughter umm she is what seven years old tomorrow...
Personally I think 7 is a bit too young to fully understand what is happening... and do you want to lay all that onto a young child's shoulder.... thats a lot to ask of a young one. Keep up what contact you can with both your children.... until you go back to court.... keep a record of what dates you get to see them and for how long... and also phone calls.... all this documentation will be of use to the judge.

Only a judge can dictate what you are to discuss with a councellor and it has nothing to do with your ex.....
Your children should also have their own lawyer ordered throu the courts.

If all else fails, when the children get older (like teenagers) your ex can not stop you contacting your children... maybe then do it throu a neutral friend to pass on the letter to them....

These cases are hard on all involved. All the best.

[gman]

dude that really really sucks big time.
i went thru a shitty split up got four kids too she tried everthing and went thru the courts aswell but after her third lawyer (they all got sick of her lies and bullshit) i finally managed to sort it out.weve got joint gaurdianship of our kids.
she cant move house or change the kids schools without my permission.
i had a really good lawyer and got legal aid to cover it all but the first $50.

its mostly ok now ..mostly.

i hope you get your trouble sorted out.

kids need their dad.
mine need me.

:niceone:

[pritch]

You really do need a *good* solicitor. One who specialises in such matters and is good as well. You may also qualify for legal aid. You would have to check it all out as it applies to you.

Kia kaha

[750Y]

sorry to hear of your predicament.
i have so many hard questions to ask but just can't go there.
i hope YOU have.
man do your best is all i can say...
good luck my friend.

[scumdog]

Sad thing is that in the end your ex will be the loser when the kids realise they are being used like pawns to get at you, when they realise that as the grow older thay are very likely to turn their back on their mother.

Keep the dialogue open with your daughter and son.

DON'T lower yourself to the standard of your ex but instead make a real effort to show YOU did everything in the kids interest and never tried to 'get at' the ex in any form.

DON'T slag her off, particularly in public/public forums as it will bite you on the bum and she would use the slagging against you (and very likely twist your words to suit her case).

GOOD LUCK! and never say die. :niceone:

[Sniper]

Shit mate, Im really sorry to hear that. My heart and all my good wishes go out to you. I hope this sorts itself out.

Stu

[bungbung]

Hi Simon,

My thoughts are with you, Gini and the kids. Stay strong.

Ola

[Maximus]

Hey all.

In the latest family court debacle, my ex has demanded:

1. that I undergo psychotherapy with a psychologist
2. that she has the right to direct how I am to be counselled
3. that the psychologist reports back to her lawyer to ensure this is successful
4. that I pay for this out of my own pocket.

and:

5. that my access is suspended until I do so.

So, how do I tell my daughter that her mother won't let me see her any more?

Hey dude, I dont know you, but my heart goes out to you. When I was 19 my girlfriend at the time gave birth to my first (and only child so far) child. When she first told me that she was pregnant it was hard but I was supportive of whatever she wanted to do, and was more than willing to help out any way I could, be it $$ or whatever I would have done it!
After a few months she decides to break up with me, giving no specific reason or anything, she just packed up and moved to Invercargill. She then told me she wanted nothing more to do with me, ever and that I could not come to the birth, and I would never meet my child (a son). I tried to sort it with her at the time, but she would not back down, things got nasty.
I have never met my son, and probably never will unless he tries to find me?! What I an trying to say is that you need to fight to see your kids YOU ALREADY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM they need you as much as you need them.
I urge you to fight and do everything in your power to overcome this. Good luck mate I hope everything is works out for you, my thoughts are with you.

[ghost]

Dont know you from a bar of soap, but stand tall, speak the truth, live with honour and stay loyal to your values, you are not alone.

You will allway be their dad.

[riffer]

Yippee a bit of good news! :banana:

According to my lawyer:

1. My ex cannot set terms for any psychotherapy;
2. She cannot be told what I discuss;
3. She cannot withhold access as it is court-directed.

As a couple of people have said, it's time to stop being so nice.

I have a legal right to access to my kids and I can, and will now, have the children picked up if I have to.

no more mr nice guy...

[ajturbo]

hey matey..

i have only met you once...thanks to frosty...
but i know a good guy when i met them..

sure you are a office working geek... :shake: :shake: :2thumbsup

but you needing psychotherapy?

i don't think so.
but then again .....you are a office working geek.. :spudguita

you are a great guy and your daughter must think the world of you to do what she is doing.....
don't be too concered about your son, luke only ph me once a year... he too lazy/buzy doing boy stuff.... when he is older( your son) he WILL want to know you, just keep the door WIDE open, send him letters OFTEN, even if it is just to say hi, tell him that you are there!!!!!!! and he will see her for what she is later... when he is old enough to want money for a m/c, he will be on your doorstep!!!


andy

[Blakamin]

Yippee a bit of good news! :banana:

According to my lawyer:

1. My ex cannot set terms for any psychotherapy;
2. She cannot be told what I discuss;
3. She cannot withhold access as it is court-directed.

As a couple of people have said, it's time to stop being so nice.

I have a legal right to access to my kids and I can, and will now, have the children picked up if I have to.

no more mr nice guy...

:niceone:

Good shit.... :2thumbsup

[jrandom]

Sounds like things are looking up a bit there, Simon.

Don't stop fighting, and remember, the kids won't forget you, and one day they'll be grown up, living a few suburbs away, and visiting with your grandchildren every weekend. And all of this will be just a bunch of bad memories.

[StoneChucker]

I'm happy to hear that Simon. I'm sure you must be relieved too... All in good time my friend, stay strong.

[MSTRS]

Yippee a bit of good news! :banana:



no more mr nice guy...
See - things are not usually as bad as they seem. Very happy to hear that good news. Still, don't get complacent - sorry to be the bearer of bad news - people such as you describe your x seldom roll over easily. Keep up the good fight - you and your kids can only be winners.

[ManDownUnder]

Yippee a bit of good news! :banana:

According to my lawyer:

1. My ex cannot set terms for any psychotherapy;
2. She cannot be told what I discuss;
3. She cannot withhold access as it is court-directed.

As a couple of people have said, it's time to stop being so nice.

I have a legal right to access to my kids and I can, and will now, have the children picked up if I have to.

no more mr nice guy...

Awesome - glad to hear something's come of all this...

Hey as a thought - keep a diary too. Anything to do with this whole process is worth noting, picking the kids up, not having access to them, any changes or comments by the kids.

Don't make a big deal of it, and keep it complete. The facts are always useful when you least expect them to be, but it really is good to recount "what happened" when needed... as opposed to "what you THINK happened".

It's harder to argue against facts than it is against memories.

Stand strong man... this will be a long journey and I know you've got a lot of good people around you - even if only in the KB forums.

MDU

[riffer]

this will be a long journey...


grrrr. Been three years, two lawyers, $10,000, two sold cars, 18 affadavits, three suspension of access requests, three access agreements violated, 12 visits to family court, two section 19 psychological reports and I've lost count of the sleepless nights... :brick:

and I had to rebleed the clutch this morning before I could go to work.

It was really interesting riding home last night. The clutch failed at the turnoff to Haywards Hill, and there was traffic backed up from there all the way due to a crash at Moonshine Rd Bridge.

Changing down with no clutch in the rain on a 200kg 750 sport bike makes for some interesting moments. I almost thought I was Gary McCoy a few times...

[ManDownUnder]

Changing down with no clutch in the rain on a 200kg 750 sport bike makes for some interesting moments. I almost thought I was Gary McCoy a few times...

If you ever make it up to Auckland, PM me - you can take the RF for a squirt... there's some fun roads around here...

[Maximus]

As a couple of people have said, it's time to stop being so nice.

I have a legal right to access to my kids and I can, and will now, have the children picked up if I have to.

no more mr nice guy...


Dude, im really glad that you got some "hopeful" news, Its hard to imagine why some people would deprive their children of their parents, just plain stoopid, how the feck are these children spossed to grow up normally! :brick:

Looks as though you may have to get a bit inventive with just how you do get to see your kids, but don't give up!

[riffer]

If you ever make it up to Auckland, PM me - you can take the RF for a squirt... there's some fun roads around here...

Cheers MDU. I'm seriously considering an RF900 for my next bike.

As soon as I pay off the lawyer. :angry2:

[MSTRS]

grrrr. Been three years, two lawyers, $10,000, two sold cars, 18 affadavits, three suspension of access requests, three access agreements violated, 12 visits to family court, two section 19 psychological reports and I've lost count of the sleepless nights... :brick:


Sounds like you'd have a good chance at recouping some of that cost thru a court order. My wife was dicked around something shocking by her x & the court ordered $5000 against him to be paid straight to her. Mind you, the x did threaten to take out his lawyer right there in the courtroom.

[ManDownUnder]

Cheers MDU. I'm seriously considering an RF900 for my next bike.

As soon as I pay off the lawyer. :angry2:

Just for that I'll throw in a tank of gas for you too...

Dude - when it's all said and done - you've got people out there looking out for your interests. Glad you had the moxy to let off some steam in here..

... and I'm bloody happy to here you fighting for the rights to see your kids... I just can't relate to the guys that walk away... it would rip me apart I tell ya... WTF is up with that?

On the support side, I have a brother, sister and Bro in law that are all lawyers so I have access to the occasionl bit of free advice. I don't want to abuse that priviledge but if I can get a 2nd opinion on something, ask away. I might need to say no, but you don;t know if you don't try.

Good luck chap, stand strong and keep fighting.

MDU

[scroter]

Hey all.

In the latest family court debacle, my ex has demanded:

1. that I undergo psychotherapy with a psychologist
2. that she has the right to direct how I am to be counselled
3. that the psychologist reports back to her lawyer to ensure this is successful
4. that I pay for this out of my own pocket.

and:

5. that my access is suspended until I do so.

This is not going to happen, therefore my access is suspended indefinitely.

My daughter turns seven tomorrow. She is suffering from huge loss issues based on her mother only letting her see me six times since her last birthday. I know this because her psychotherapist said so in writing.

She rings me twice a day while hiding in the backyard of her mother's section so they won't hear her on the 'phone. She says her mother won't pay her any attention and she misses me heaps. My son only talks to me when he sees me, which isn't a lot.

So, how do I tell my daughter that her mother won't let me see her any more?

let me guess she squeeled hes an angry man with a violent side. got a mate going thru the same thing for the last six months, thing is his son is only six months old. seems accusations are believed as long as you get in first.

[thehollowmen]

Best wishes mate
might wanna pick up the copy of time that was posted out today...

[ManDownUnder]

Best wishes mate
might wanna pick up the copy of time that was posted out today...

Why's that (for those of us not subscribing...)?

[Blakamin]

Nothing wrong with Gary McCoy.... at least you'd be an aussie :done: :shake:

[Ghost Lemur]

Yippee a bit of good news! :banana:

According to my lawyer:

1. My ex cannot set terms for any psychotherapy;
2. She cannot be told what I discuss;
3. She cannot withhold access as it is court-directed.

As a couple of people have said, it's time to stop being so nice.

I have a legal right to access to my kids and I can, and will now, have the children picked up if I have to.

no more mr nice guy...

Glad you consulted your lawyer. Although our circumstances are quite different here's some advice from my experiences...

1. Make sure your lawyer is working for you. If you doubt their ability or commitment to your cause look elsewhere. Even if it's just getting a second opinion.

2. Keep track of everything. Every phone call, visit, times, etc. If necessary, take a third party when you pick up your kids, have meetings, etc. Even now, even though I finally got my custody sorted, I still refuse to be alone with my ex in the same room. It just be too easy for her to start something, or make something up, and although I'd eventually be cleared (not too bright that one), it'd still be more hassle than it's worth.

3. Have some faith in the system... This is a real hard one. That's why I used the word faith. Although you know as well as I do that the cards are stacked against you, you still have to have some belief in the system are you are extremely reliant on it at the moment. You need the system more than she does as she has possession (not to make your kids sound like objects).

4. Remember judges are generally pretty smart people. They can spot bullshit as good (if not better after years of experience) the rest of us. Your ex will put foward bs, she will try to provoke you into getting angry and making a slip up but don't. The judge will take note of the overall picture over time.

Has there been a psyche assessment? What sort of contact do you have with your kids lawyer?


I'll put in a number 5 here, although it's a bit too late unfortunately in your case, and hopefully no one else reading this will have to contemplate it.

5. KEEP THE KIDS. Unfortunately, through my experience I found this to be pretty much the sole reason I still have my sons. When my ex left she left alone, as I refused to let her take them. Except for the day she broke into my house (a neighbour was looking after them while I went for my first visit with a lawyer) and snatched them, they've been with me ever since. And so I was able to have a little more control than fathers in these situations generally are. Even then I had to keep giving in to her rediculous demands, every time concerned what emotional damage was being done to the boys. Crawling through a process that took over two years (and this was an open-and-shut case, I had everyone from my family to her family to CYPS all saying the kids should be with me etc), unable to truely get on with my life (new partner commitments etc) until it was finally sorted. The reason it ONLY took just over two years was she finally came to her senses and gave up the fight preferring for a negotiated settlement, otherwise I'd still be going through the motions.


As has been mentioned before, look at support groups in your area. I'm generally not a fan of "support groups" and all that. But I think being about to sit down and talk to other guys who are in the same circumstances could help. Whether it be for specific advice on how to deal with a particular situation or more generalized "been there brother" support.

Stay Strong.

[thehollowmen]

Why's that (for those of us not subscribing...)?
there is an article about "giving fathers a fairer go" and the new law and attitude change in Australia, and might be able to give you some contact details and ideas of what to bring up to make sure everything is safer in the future for you and your little ones. (Eg making sure she can't move to the south island or something stupid)

best wishes again, hate to see people put in this sorta situation