Blog Comments

  1. Gone Burger's Avatar
    I know this is an old blog, but I remember reading it when you wrote it. I read it quietly with incredle respect for you, and whenever someone mentions pain, I think back to this blog and all you have gone through and learnt to live with. To get straight to the point you inspire me. Since I first started riding myself 3 years ago I saw you out there racing and was blown away by all that you could achieve. Reading this just backs up what a wonderful human being you are - strong.

    The reason I have searched for this post again so far on is this. When you wrote it I was a girl who had never experienced pain. I respected but never could relate to it having never been in a situation where pain was more than a sprained ancle. Now, I too live with chronic pain. After my crash 15 months ago it has gradually become worse by the day, as now on a daily basis brings me to tears when it spikes to those levels of 10+ as you know so well. I didn't understand for the past wee while why I have been such an ugly person to be around. With major mood swings, trying to push it all aside telling friends and family Im 100 again - I look it so I must feel it. Now as the days go on I too have come to accept that this is something I will live with. There is no cure for my pain either. It is on a very smale scare compared to yours, but Im a girl and an incredible woose to say the least. After breaking my neck and back, I now throw up from pain from migraines every couple of days. I ride my much loved bike and push through it all to not allow any distractions or mistakes. But I get off my bike and I am in major pain for a week following. Sitting in an office chair at work holding my head up, and each movement makes my head want to split in half. So slowly I learn how to handle it, I learn and accept that pain has changed my personality and I've been very difficult to be around. But I strive to fully accept it and adapt to handling it better so that it becomes part of my personality that is not damaging to others or myself.

    Once again, I have huge respect for you. you have never met me, but I watch from a distance and now understand on a small level some of what you have faced. Your blog has always been in my mind, now more so with each new day. I must learn how to be strong again. I have a long way to go.

    Katie
  2. Fast Eddie's Avatar
    good read, respect man.

    makes me feel pretty soft haha.
  3. onearmedbandit's Avatar
    Hi Ian,

    Hope things have got better for you recently. Yeah I can understand what you mean about the pleasure side of it lol. Thanks for the comment about being an inspiration, and hero. I know that people think that of me, I've been told countless times. But I don't see myself that way, I'm just a guy who does his best to cope, to enjoy what life has.


    On a different note, I've been thinking more recently about how the pain has most affected me, and I came to the simple realisation that the greatest change has been my loss of solitude. I'm never alone, always have my companion. To go down to the beach and sit there for hours, or just as long as I wanted, uninterrupted would be a dream come true. I find I can't stay still for too long, I always have to be on the move, even when I sit in one place for a while, I always find myself fidgeting or shuffling etc. If I was to go down to the beach, it would be less than 5 minutes before I'd have to move or do something to distract myself. No more inner peace.

    No regrets, I know I can't change it currently. But it's good to reflect. I can type this with a smile on my face, as I know I'm getting to understand myself more and more. Life is an amazing journey.
  4. vifferman's Avatar
    While I can't really appreciate just how bad your pain is (although you've done a remarkable job of describing it), I do understand and feel for you. Since my open-heart surgery (pretty much a doddle, despite some complications), I've had a lot of pain from whatever the fook they did with my left arm while I was unconscious. In the last two weeks, it's got a LOT worse, even though mobility is improving and I can (mostly) use it to do most things. The latest instalment is almost constant pain in the top of my shoulder, usually with a feeling like someone stabbing an icicle (or icy-cold stilleto) down through the top of it. This one - despite being bad, is actually strangely bearable, and almost pleasurable (I'm sure you know what I mean).
    Anyway, this doesn't help you - just wanted to say I understand to a small degree what you're going through, I admire your courage, and your terriffic attitude. You Sir, are an inspiration and a hero.
    Kind regards,

    - Ian
  5. onearmedbandit's Avatar
    I don't think I realise just how emotionally draining this is. I'm lucky enough however to have the presence of mind to not let this drag me down, but fuck me it's hard work trying to maintain a 'chipper' outlook. I think it's time for a ride.
  6. onearmedbandit's Avatar
    Good days and bad days. Seems like recently the bad days are out numbering the good one. Just another challenge I need to rise to. It's not easy though.
  7. onearmedbandit's Avatar
    Churs people. You know the best thing that has come out of all this? An enjoyment and appreciation of living. I know I was very close to be killed that day, and every day that I'm alive is another fresh start, another opportunity. Life is what you make of it right, so I reckon everyone needs an experience like this, just to realise everything apart from being able to draw breath is small stuff, and the small stuff ain't worth sweating.

    Right now I'm listening to some of my favourite music, something I do as much as possible, and without even thinking about it there is an inner appreciation that I could have never had the opportunity to have listened to this again.

    Like I say, I am truly one of the lucky ones.
  8. kiwifruit's Avatar
    Respect .
  9. Brownbikerbabe's Avatar
    Pillar of strength!

    I would put a standing ovation here if I could...

    I think its a great idea to go and talk to people in hospitals or at pain clinics...you would make a huge world of difference to these people I am sure of it, and I think it will help you also. The worst thing in the world when you are suffering is thinking you are the only one that is suffering like this until someone comes and tells you hey you are not alone, I have been where you are now kind of thing.

    Ummm...I know there is some technology that ties off or deadens the signals of your nerve cells ...would you be interested in something like that?
  10. roogazza's Avatar
    Thanks OAB, I can relate.
    I fight all the way and have considered a different approach.
    So true if you think of others as worse off.
    You remind me of a bloke I met in 1970 in Sydney. He would tie his left hand to the bars !!!!!
    (he was/is related to Geoff Perry).
    Wish you well. Gaz.
  11. AxN's Avatar
    Having had privilege working with people who have chronic pain, I have immense respect for your courage in managing your pain. Not many people has the mental tenacity and capacity to be able to withstand the amount of pain you described in your blog. Hats of to you, hope you get given the chance to be involved helping and educating others to manage their chronic pain. (Burwood hospital's chronic pain unit comes to mind)

    Would be good to meet you one day at one of those group rides and remind me to buy you a drink...


    Scott