Life in Urkadurkastan...

Due to one popular request... here is another installment...

Most of those readers on the KB site are at least moderately intelligent…cough cough…and would have fully absorbed all the subtleties of the commentary, on the threat to world peace and how we in the modern world tackle the problems of instability and the threat of wars….I am of course speaking of that parody on world politics that hit the big screen…”Team America World peac……World Police” From where I draw the fictional name Urkadurkastan.

This is of course, not the fictional world of Urkadurkastan, rather it is one of the most corrupt and yet surprisingly peaceful places in the world. The Kyrgyz republic. A million miles from NZ, geographically, politically, socially, culturally, cullinary….and sporting wise.

Serious moment….We live in Bishkek the capital well to the north and east and away from the area where there is a little border unrest between the Tajiks/Uzbeks and Kyrgyz. We are safe in the town where there is only the normal petty crime…rolling a drunk expat for his wallet, spitting on the foot path, bribing police, shooting political opponents etc, nothing you would not find in any well adjusted 1st world country…A direct comparison with NZ? We feel and probably are safer in Bishkek than Auckland, Wellington or Christchurch….which does sadden me to realize. Enough seriousness….

Rugby is still the iconic NZ sport….The iconic Kyrgyz sport, is riding a horse and trying to wrestle a headless, freshly slaughtered sheep from another rider, in a group of other riders all bent on getting their hands on the sheep, none of whom want to relinquish the sheep when they get their hands on it. And all the while, riding hell for leather around a distant rock in a field then back to an imaginary finish line….almost if not entirely unlike rugby, where someone on KB likened the scrum to one man trying to push two men’s heads up three men’s bums….wonderful image that.

I did ponder what the headless sheep made of it all…but not for long. The head was having a detachment experience, very possibly an “in cooking pot” experience while its body was otherwise occupied.

There is another game, a ball game with an inflated leather ball that is making inroads to the Kyrgyz sporting scene. Two teams of players on a rectangular paddock with a net at each end…attempt to score points by dramatic acting performances depicting injury and being hard done by. The best performances have the players rolling round on the ground holding their legs, pointing an accusing finger at an opposing player and wailing at he ref….looks very strange to me, nothing at all like rugby where that sort of carry on would see player heckled from the field in tears, to jeers of “Get outta here ya girl….”

Rugby…that’s right…not many Rugby supporters here in Kyrgyzstan….1,2,3,4….? About 25 all up on a good day. 4 resident Kiwis (including spouses) and 3 rotational ones (all 3 from Rolleston area?)
Three poms…One who owns the pub and who I formally referred to suicidal… naming a pub the “American bar” in an Islamic country. The other two poms could loosely be referred to as no 1 pom’s entourage.
About 8 of our neighbours across the Tasman (and they don’t let up on abusing this Kiwi. The other resident Kiwi is a more little isolated from this trans Tasman rivalry banter, being the company VP and all….he gets more of the sucking up type banter)
Then there 7 odd Saffas…that’s …7… odd Saffas and not 7 odd…Saffas…making up the 25.

Forgot one…Angry Mike another pom, ex SAS whose seen some action and as a result of something that happened, has come a little…a lot unhinged. Avoid at all costs when sober…vacate to a different part of town when drunk and only approach with caution in the company of an fully prepared armed offender squad when he is comatose on the foot path after a big session….if you must.

Rugby rivalry between us is as fierce as our patriotism…sss on fire mate! Something tike a Tri-Nations or dare I mention a world cup and things heat up…and its all on at the American bar during a game, or if at work, then usually at the canteen, every meal break before and after a game for about a week till the next game.

A popular wager is not $ or shouts…sure there are plenty of those. No the prime wager sees the losing team supporter wearing the winning teams supporter jumper for a week…at work and at play. Me, not one to make an un calculated risky wager…only a sure bet bloke me…and keen to see a Saffa wearing an All Black jumper, naturally I backed the All Blacks…not against Wallabies but against …gulp… the Springboks……not looking to good are we?

One image I cannot clear from my head…Deon, the Saffa I had the wager with, wearing an apron standing behind the ironing board with a Springbok jumper draped over it, in front of the TV with the last AB/Wallaby game playing, running the iron back and forth during quietly humming away to himself…cmon Aussie cmon …..

Of course the AB’s will whoop the Saffa’s this weekend in Hamilton, that goes without saying, And my wife in black, wearing her Tiki, hand made from nearly black Bruce bay greenstone and I, wearing my AB supporters jumper, will be down at the bar, midday Saturday with all the Aussies and Saffas and we will have a jolly time….unless Mike turns up.

And when the national anthem is sung and the haka is performed, I will be standing, and be unashamedly holding back a patriotic tear….You don’t realize how special and precious NZ is till you have been away for a while….