Hanne

Night-time Ninjas

10.20pm at the SMC flat. ‘Apocalypse Now’ is in full swing, the lounge filled with the clack of approaching choppers. Suddenly, the room is plunged into darkness. The helicopters disappear back to their DVD world and a feeling of great panic swells as one by one the occupants of the lounge realize hat this means. Power cut. How will they get their KB fix now?

Luckily, Squiggles leaps to the rescue. ‘Let’s go for a walk!’ Well, of course. What else do you do when the power goes down at night? Wrapping up warm, the six flatmates quietly exit their abode. They take two umbrellas to use as weapons in case of a zombie invasion, and make their way up the street by the light of one wind=up torch and one head lamp that is flashing like a disco. Time to investigate the mysterious lack of electrons!

Arriving at Great North Road, the group are face with a dilemma. Left or right? They spot a police car, sirens flashing, to the right, so resolve to track to down. This results in them discovering several dead-end roads before finally making it to the end of the power cut. They arrive outside a furniature store, lit up like a Christmas tree. The beds look so comforting, the pillows so luscious. No one slese seems to be out looting, so the group feel obliged to take the task upon themselves.

Just then they are distracted by a cat. This is how they will get back the interwebs! Danae rushes over to tickle the kitty’s belly and try to elicit a few LOLs with which to revive their tubes. Everyone knows that this is how the internet is made. There is a factory in Taranaki specifically dedicated to making cats look funny. Danae would know, she has been there. But alas, they have forgotten to bring a camera with which to harvest said LOLs! In despair, Magua begins to dance the Richardson, thrusting his hip into oncoming traffic. He gets a few toots. The group decide to turn back…

Arriving at the end of their road, it is unanimously decided that everyone has an urgent and unexplained need for chocolate primo. Destination: BP. Things do not look hopeful as the group approach the darkened forecourt, lime great and floral hoods pulled tight over ears for warmth. The attendant eyes us suspiciously from behind his glass cage. ‘Could we please eta choclate milk?’ Stephen does his puppy eyes and the BP man is so taken aback by this odd request that he obliges. Magua also gets his iced tea. When Stephen returns a third time in search of an iceblock that is under $3, he tells them that is the last item he can serve them as the till doesn’t work. Pretty good service, though, for the middle of a black out. SMC flat tummies approve.

It is whilst walking back along Great North Road that Hanne realizes the aweseomeness of her flashing head lamp. She can light up all the road signs so it feels like everyone is in the middle of a road-themed disco. This effect keeps everyone mesmerized for a good 10 minutes whilst standing on the cycle over bridge before the motorway. Much to everyone’s dismay, the motorway lights are working, so there are no demolition derby moments at the off ramp. Ah well, dem’s de breaks. It is observed that one of Conelius’s cousins has managed to get himself stranded in the branches of a tree so they pass on Conelius’ regards and carry on.

Returning home Danae and Magua encounter a linesman checking the transformer by their house. No one is quite sure what has caused the black out, but the man in hi-vis assures them that the chances of it being due to a zombie invasion are in fact very low. The umbrellas, it turns out, were unnecessary appendages after all. Ah well, better to be safe than sorry.

Everyone make it home alive. Without the internets, the flat members are forced to do something that is quite alien to most- sleep. The long-term effects of this distruption of the habits of the native nocturnalites is yet to be seen.