gijoe1313's Blogs

Now, I have just finished a slap up feed of lamb, roast veges and the ubiquitous lashings of mint sauce. My dearest mater is a most wondrous cook and since it is Pater’s day, she whipped up some nosh that hit the cockles of the heart just right. Pater is now mopping up the leftovers and I durst say his belt has had to be loosened a few notches somewhat. But, back to my sally into the snow drenched deposits in the dark parts of the night in Middle Earth! (oh alright, Waiouru!)

Now as more time on the chronometer of our cognisant speculations of the time-space continuum had passed when I was sheltering in the lee of the closed Ohakune BP, the drifts of snow decided to band together and heap themselves in great middens and balls of crushed ice on the road! Huzzah! I must have inadvertently saved my last game position at “Extreme Difficulty” Hah, so silly!

Now with no other vehicles heading out my way, I was left to my own devices to delve forwards into the night. The usual ride would take much longer since I did not fancy my chances of doing the usual 150kph+ on this new fangled 1000cc Predator (spanking brand new didn’t you know? Rode it right out of the Botany showroom I did!)

Somehow, recent history repeated itself, or I had a matrix moment, déjà vu … I came across another 4x4 and I cheerfully slotted into the track of his tyres! (Oh, I do assume they were male drivers … but now that I think about it, they might have been female drivers since they were uncommonly sensible about driving to the conditions!)

And this is where somewhere in the middle, they turned off some forgotten side road – probably to sputter out in some hoar frosted field, to be ripped asunder by ravening packs of timber wolves, or gnashed by zombies, but I digress – once again, I was left to fend for myself, I could content with the game of keeping my visor clear and not crashing off my brand spanking new bike and probably imitating a game where it is to slide a large heavy object until it hits an immovable object.

Eventually lights in convoy ahead betrayed the fact that I was not just the only nutter on the road that night – large trucks were shepherding little flocks of cars towards Ohakune, not so bad. Only bad bit was the wash of the grit, ice and snow into my path, since my visor was cracked open, I got to really have a taste of NZ, and brother and sisters – I can tell you without unequivocal doubt, that 100% NZpure is pure marketing hogwash.

So my routine went like this with every large backwash of particulates from trucks … “mmm, nice combination of grit, with a hint of ice, well diluted with snow”, “oho! A sprightly surprise of dirt interlaced with snow particulates, interfused with lashings of lumpy unknowns”, “Hmm, hard to discern, but yes, gravelly snow with a strong suspicion of cowdung” and so it went.

By this stage, I found my right thumb was frozen fast to the throttle grip. Interesting.

Finally there were lights of the timber mills, that meant Waiouru was not far ahead, like an oasis to a man dying of thirst in a desert, like a floating piece of flotsam or jetsam to a man overboard, like a found piece of hidden toilet paper when there is none in a public lavatory, like a … oh alright, enough with the similes … before I got there, a large public works vehicle with scraper and flashing ambers roared down the road to begin it’s duty to make the road safe for commuting. Pity I had already done most of it! Doh! :slap:

As I pulled into the public loos, I heard a chorus of cheers from stranded motorists all parked up. I did not realise what it was all about until I saw they were cheering me! Well blow me down, its like they have never seen a motorbiker ride in the snow before! The novelty factor I expect.

Well, I did discover why they were so vociferous in their acclamation of my entrance. On doffing my gear after I had parked my Preddy under the shelter of the men’s bog, I found that I had a conical collection of snow on my helmet, shoulders and the the front of the bike was encase solid in snow! Well, well! T’weren’t there yesterday!

After brushing it all off, I txtd to DONOR that I had made the Army Museum place and just prepping for the next leg. A couple of large trucks had pulled up and I could sense their thinking “what a bloody idiot!” … hah! I have you know I am not just any bloody idiot, I am the king of all bloody idiots that have been and gone before at this moment! So there.

Now, before you shiver yourself to timbers from all that promulgating on temperature induced shards of cold delight, I shall take a break and throw small fluffy animals onto a Velcro wall and then note which ones stop struggling and mark their time of death. What, you mean you don’t do this sort of thing yourself? Well, you should really try it, before dismissing such a pastime!