Gremlin's Tall Stories

Again with the early alarm… much too early… no choice, must get up. It’s 4.30am.

Into my gear, luggage is lugged down the stairs of the backpackers and piled outside. 5.15am we fire up the bikes and pop down the road to the BP that confirmed the previous night they are open 24/7. Other bikers are there eating, we only need gas, and I get a couple of bottles of Powerade (still wondering where Mizone blue went to).

Another short trip to McIver & Veitch, there are already a few handfuls of bikes there, bikers milling around, chatting. I realised the previous day I hadn’t checked on my oil, and it was too late to do so, so with the help of the ever useful Toto I pulled out a bottle (I took 2x 1L with me) and topped up the oil. Then I pulled out my paper instructions summarising every stop and its rough time and taped them to my windscreen. It’s a newish idea of mine, never used, but basically, every stop I had to do was noted on 2x A4 sheets, times based on km per hour, basic average. Each stop, I could check the sheet and see how I was doing time wise with minimal mental arithmetic.

KoroJ turned up, he’d also passed Toto the previous day, and we had a quick chat… Because of the earthquake, it had screwed with my plan to have another set of tyres fitted the following week, and also because of the earthquake I had changed my accommodation plans to be Dunedin rather than Christchurch, so I took the opportunity to speak to McIver & Veitch about a set of tyres the following week, which they said they could do, and ordered the tyres on the spot. Awesome fellas and they would be my first port of call when needing stuff in Dunedin.

Finished with them, I turned around to find the entire TT2000 of riders standing in a line out the door, for their shirts… where the F**K did they come from!?!? Drat… back of the line for me… It was a bit costly, but again, Toto was most helpful, helping to hold the shirt while I taped it down, onto the fuel tank. KoroJ and Jantar had put their shirts on hangers in their top boxes, but I reckoned it would never survive like that in mine, whereas taping the shirt bag to the tank seemed like an excellent idea to me. Extra time to set up, but less messing around at each stop (and there would be a few).

Jumping on the bike, plenty of others have already set off, and its 6.12am. 12 minutes lost and I haven’t put 1km under my wheels yet, not a good sign, as by my calculations 3200km in 40 hours is tight already. I shoot across town, overtaking a few that were perhaps still getting into riding mode. Flyer 1 is George King Memorial Drive, and already some bikers are coming onto the route in different directions, others are stopped checking directions, but I’m a man on a mission, and keep going (bar a minor correction, overshooting 1 turn by a hundred metres). Some of the route has dodgy surfaces, I enter one corner and find myself sliding… good thing its quiet and I steal a little of the oncoming to keep the bike happy. Already conditions are… interesting. Fog, Clear, wet and dry roads, less than an hour and most conditions have been encountered.

Pace is still good, and I’m closing on another bike as I reach the signpost, but to my surprise they continue straight on, while I stop. The process is simple. Park the bike correctly, off, disconnect comms cord, pull camera out of tail bag, camera out of bag, picture, camera back in both bags, comms cord, ride… easily under a minute lost. As I’m pulling away, the next group have caught up, and I’m off. Initially, I was returning down the same path, but when riding out, and thinking about all the bikers seeming to do the flyer, I thought it safest to continue round, which present an issue or two for navigation, as the GPS wasn’t prepared to do so.

Nevertheless, I rode on, reminding myself to stay calm, breathe, relax, adrenaline already had me all excited at the challenge lying ahead. After a while I caught the other bike, and was surprised to find they were two up. It was a very impressive pace for two up, perhaps the one that had tyre issues. It was also when my GPS suddenly turned off, for no reason. Having had it before, I wasn’t too concerned, just annoyed, and powered it on again. It had given me a few km of instruction, and I was following the 2up bike (hoping they weren’t overshooting anything I needed, like the photo stop) so I was Ok. It powered on, gave me the next instructions, and within the minute was off again.

Now I was nervous… haven’t had this before. Perhaps the length of the route? Over the next 10 minutes it powered off several more times, first scary, and then I’m furious. If it can’t run the route it shouldn’t have calculated it fine during my testing. I simply keep powering it on again. After a while it starts behaving itself and doesn’t turn off again. It’s also about now I realise I never took a picture of the first checkpoint, McIver & Veitch. Oh fantastic, great start ya moron. Of course I figure I had to get the shirt somehow, so Mike will forgive me.

Flyer 2 is Taieri Mouth, shot from the bridge to the boats. After some thought of route choice, the logical decision is a there and back. Unfortunately, those that did that were at a disadvantage. According to the GPS there was a gravel road linking the back of Waihola to Taieri… in reality, it didn’t exist. Going down the gravel back streets swearing, I see a black ZX14 seeming to do the same thing. I stop to re-assess how to go around zooming out the GPS, and he turns up. “Where the bloody hell is it?” Succinct… I agree. I say “I’m pretty sure we go this way”, and head off. I don’t want to debate, he can follow me or not. I also realise the fella is the same one from the Grand Challenge last year, where we did a large chunk of the course together. Small world.

Down to Taieri, there’s the bridge, a photo and a quick comment to him that I remember him, and he certainly remembers my face. Catch up done (under a minute) its back to Waihola. It’s a fantastic road, some really gorgeous lifts and banked corners.

Flyer 3 is the Clutha Ferry, and the fella on the 14 decides my pace isn’t quite to his liking, so goes on ahead. I stay mostly with him, and then in roadworks he’s more timid, so I pass him. Back on the seal he passes again, and leads into Flyer 3. I wonder how many he is aiming for, but attention is diverted to the road where fog is severely limiting our visibility. I notice that my screen is extremely handy, as the fog can’t get my visor, whereas he has to keep wiping his. At Gabriel’s Gully he overshoots the photo point, so while turning around I take my shot and resume the lead. He catches up shortly, so I worry if I’m holding him up, but he doesn’t appear to want to pass. I continue to set a cracking pace, and at the Clutha Ferry check if I’m holding him up. He looks at me stunned, and says “You’re joking right?” When he finds out I only have 105hp, he grins, and says, well, you use every single one very well.

I gain another lead, as the gravel presents little hindrance to me. He’s following again after a brief time, but passing through Balclutha he seems hesitant about my route choice. I press on, knowing I’m fine, perhaps he needs gas. My consumption is suffering from my pace so far, warning I may not make my fuel stop at 500km. On the straights to Kaka Point I try to get economical, while keeping the pace acceptable. I’m still behind schedule, but allowing for the 12 min I’m slowly clawing it back.

Flyer 4 is Nugget Point, out along the gravel until you see the lighthouse, take a shot, and off you go. Its here I run into my first big problem. A large herd of cows. A farmer advises to go down the side, but I’m not keen on having a half ton beast run into me, so set about speed herding, getting the cows running at a half trot. The farmer is not appreciative of my efforts, so I give up, take a shot 3.5km from the planned point, and hope Mike accepts my explanation. The ZX14 has caught up, and says he might follow for a while, but I explain I’m doing it all, so have to get cracking. The cows had already cost me 5-10 minutes. It’s fortunate he’s around, as giving space to the farmer behind me, I don’t have enough space to turn and almost nose the GS into the ditch…

Thanks to the fella for a push backwards… it would have been far trickier by myself. He seemed to have a ball himself, almost sliding and falling into the ditch several times before pushing my bike. The cows mean I’m now almost bang on the schedule, leaving that point at 9.08am.

Back on track, I set a proper pace on the gravel. I prefer the South Island gravel roads. They are hard packed with very little loose stuff on the surface, so speeds around 100kph down the straight sections don’t present a problem. Through the Catlins, I remember some of it from GiJoe and my mainland invasion, but no time to stop for the fantastic views. There are no bikes around, so I figure I’m already behind the pack, and don’t stop at Niagara Falls, as the flyer is sufficient evidence I was in the area.

Flyer 5 is Furthest South, Slope Point and Waipapa Lighthouse. It’s around now I’m thinking uncharitable thoughts about dear old Mike, the organiser. So much effing gravel, all over the place… is this dude sadistic or something? Waipapa Lighthouse, oh look, surprise, more gravel. Farken hell! I’m surprised however to find I have pulled out a 20min lead by the lighthouse, sweet, now to get more.

Next Flyer 6, Southland Towns. I finally see some bikes, catching up to a group of 4, a couple with mohawks. Their pace is quite similar to mine, just different speeds on straights and corners. I don’t interrupt them, but on the outskirts the lead pulls into a side road, all follow, so I take the opportunity to pass and I’m first at the Memorial Arch. They are there right after me, but I’m off again.

Winton is the next stop, one of 6 scheduled stops for food, drink, gas, and also a flyer photo. Arriving at 11.35am, I’m a full 30min ahead now, so I’ve bought myself a stop. Mohawks and their pack arrive shortly after, but I’ve already secured a pump so no delay. I move off to give them space. Parking up to one side, I munch on a muesli bar, toilet stop as well. Mohawk etc. move off quickly, so they’ve passed me again. On the way out of town I find the cemetery and take the required pic, now only 15min ahead of schedule, and detour to a point on Flyer 8, to take its photo out of sequence. Mike was Ok with this for those attempting gold/diamond etc, and myself and others had been emailing him since last year clarifying what he was Ok with etc.

Back South, the final photo for Flyer 6, the memorial at Otautau is dealt with, and I finally head to my first checkpoint photo (doh), Riverton, checkpoint 3. There is no-one around… who really knows where they are, my challenge is the clock, not everyone else. Out of the one way system on hill and back into the open country.

I don’t bother stopping at checkpoint 4, again, Flyer 7 Hump Ridge is the proof I passed right through. Now I am finally seeing a few bikes, and right before the sign post I catch up to Mohawk and their crew. Their photo stops seem a bit longer, so I poke my bike right in front of all of theirs, grab my photo, and I’m on my way while some are still parking their bikes. The gravel was a little evil on this one, with no hard packed line, but not difficult either. I now had a 25-30min lead, so was feeling a little happier.

It was quite a boring drag up to Milford Sound, and a bike I had passed shortly after Tuatapere had kept up for a little while, then dropped off. I didn’t need gas in Te Anau just yet, so bypassed the town and went straight out. I finally saw some more indications of life, seeing a lot of bikes returning, so finally knew where some of them were. I passed a couple going out, but I was caught by the lights, losing about 5min. A good pace to the end saw me gain most of what I had lost, as I was first through the tunnel, but right near the top I went through a fobbing great pothole that tried to steal my handlebars. Coming back I avoided the handlebar stealing pot hole, but was still caught by the lights, losing 10min at least.

South to Te Anau I was stunned to see lots of bikes behind me. Mohawks I expected, but even 10km from Te Anau I saw my last bikes… wow, there were still a lot behind me. Entering Te Anau I see Toto leaving, knowing he had already done the Sound, so he was going well. Te Anau was my 2nd stop for food, drink, gas, toilet, and I was absolutely busting to go 30km out of Te Anau. Crossing my legs like a little girl wasn’t much help, but the toilet stop was fantastic.

While munching on a muesli bar it appeared a cruiser rider was already rather tired and exhausted, but saying he wanted to go further before stopping for the night. Can’t have been easy on a cruiser and 2up. I had now completed 983km, and was over an hour ahead of schedule. I left Te Anau around 5.15pm, 1 hour ahead of schedule.

The next job was to complete Flyer 8, Two Rivers. Pic 2 had been done, so a picture at a one lane bridge, a small backtrack, then Dipton for the memorial hall, to complete Flyer 8.

The Devil’s Staircase was a highlight going along Lake Wakatipu into Queenstown and I set a good pace. A cop had already put up warning signs for some sort of crap covering the road, hopefully no-one experienced any dramas on it. I was very surprised to catch up to Jantar and KoroJ on the outskirts of Queenstown, knowing they were doing less than me. They stop at the Queenstown BP, needing gas, I chuckle as I still have plenty. KoroJ looked like he wanted to carry on, Jantar didn’t… of course, Koro would have had far more gas and wouldn’t have to push his bike.

The GPS does an infernal trick and leads me through the pedestrian mall type road next to the main road, in the middle of Queenstown. Thanks GPS, plenty of people out being a Saturday night, and here I am trying to cross the island, stuck behind cars. Eventually clear (and cursing Mike for sending us through Queenstown on a Saturday evening) I get into the country to head to Glenorchy. I forgive Mike after a few corners… this road is awesome!! Rolling countryside, the surface is a bit of a puzzle, same colour, grey, sometimes perfectly fine, others I’m sliding without warning.

I pass through Glenorchy and set about finding Flyer 9, Isengard. This proves tricky. I presume it’s on the west side, and there are only steep mountains, no fields. Where the hell is the photo point? I end up going quite far along Routeburn Rd, and pause when I see the entry to the National Park. Then I notice a road going off to the right, Lake Sylvan Rd, two wheel tracks between the trees. Instantly I have a choice to make, stay on task and get the photo and get the hell out of here, or go explore this fantastic looking road. Bugger the TT I think, let’s see where this road goes.

It doesn’t go too far, but was still fun, and I figure I’ve done enough riding in the area to qualify for the pic, reckon I have something approximate, and consider the flyer complete. On the way out, I realise that some of the scenery with the setting sun is stunning, so again, bugger the TT, I want these pictures. A couple more, and I’m on my way.

This distraction has cost me time wise, and KoroJ and Jantar are now hot on my heels, but who cares… my time buffer is now under an hour. Back to Queenstown, I come across more bikes heading out, I seem to be leap frogging a few because of the reduced fuel stops. Going through the main road of Queenstown, it’s under extensive repair… I almost drop the bike around a left hander back onto seal that had sand/dust sprinkled in the corner. I counter steer automatically, and no further dramas.

Next up is Flyer 10, Coronet Hill Climb. Approximately 10min up a mountain for a pic and then back. It’s Ok, but some of the surface was a little dodgy, and I wish someone had warned me about the cattle grid. I hit it going up at 80-100kph I think, with a hell of a thud… the poor shock. Up at the top, night was now properly falling, it was around 9pm, but I was about 1.5 hours ahead of schedule. Going back down the goddamn cattle grid caught me again while I was planning route and calculating times. I saw it just in time, barely had time to button off, and hit it at 70-80kph. At least this time, the transfer from road to grid to road again is a bit smoother, but still, the poor shock.

I’d messed with my route after this, deciding it was quicker to go through the back roads to BP Queenstown, rather than go down the waterfront at 50kph. I had the tinted visor lifted, and somehow a bug came from high, down, over the screen and into my eye. It bloody hurt, and pieces were still stuck in my eye. Gloves are not the most dexterous thing for getting crap out of your eye, so I waited until the BP before I picked it out. After a chat with sarahtvet from KB, and her declaring I was the southern Gremlin (I mean seriously… the world could handle two?) I was wasting time, only then to be told by the BP they were out of 98. Grrrrrrrr.

Across to the Mobil, they were open, and had premium (95). I parked up again, for fuel stop 3, for another quick bite to eat and also a visor swap. I was now just over an hour ahead of schedule, and ended up chatting to another fella that had grabbed a room and decided he was done for the day. A quick inspection of the oil and I can see bugger all in the gloom of distant lights. The light isn’t on, so it should be Ok. I depart Queenstown at 10pm, with 1380km under my belt.

Right, so it’s almost a novel already… I’ll post some pics and continue the next day in the next blog.