madbikeboy

Swingers in disguise.

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Due to renegade master adding his 2 cents, I thought I'd add this little opener - read this as a giggle not a cry.,


I’m having more of those moments. The ones where you get off the bike and think, “oh shit”. At what point do you hand the keys of your litre sports bike to someone better equipped to live with madness. Where is the line, and how do you know when to quit before you cross it?

It doesn’t help, trying to be sensible. 1000cubic centimetres are more addictive than crack and porn. You start out thinking that it’s fine, everyone else is doing it, and hey, it’s not really addictive and you can quit when you want. And then you find yourself out of control and heavily addicted, with some dealer coming back in an hour to break your kneecaps if you don’t pay up. But, it’s not that easy, being addicted to crack means you can get help, there’s a 12 step programme.

Where’s the 12 step programme to cure the litre high? What’s the first step past announcing to the world that you have a problem? I know I have a problem, I get off 600’s and no argument, they’re quick (for a girls bike). I ride cruisers and find my mind drifting, and 3 seconds later the throttle is pinned out of sheer boredom. Buells? Fine, until mid-fourth gear, then I’m wondering where all the power has gone and why the speedo is moving like it’s in molasses.

Someone posted a link to a GSXR1000 that had been turbo’d. I found myself eyeing up the bike, wondering how I could justify more mods to mine. Or buying it outright. I have a screensaver with a lowered and stretched Hayabusa with nitrous and a turbo. Honestly, being addicted to porn would be more socially acceptable than the thoughts of pinning that on the way home in traffic.

It extends to other parts of my life too. I was chatting with a guy who works in my building, he owns a Lamborghini – I couldn’t get excited about the prospect of a ride in it; its slow in comparison to my bike so how could it be anything other than a disappointment. It’s like meeting the love of your life, no one else will ever be good enough to compare.

What am I supposed to do instead if I go cold turkey? Start knitting? Play an instrument? Learn how to make wicker baskets? I don’t even like most people, and the ones that I do like seem to wear dead cow for fun as well.

No joke, Madbikebabe and I are doing Japanese cooking classes – I’ve never felt like such an alien; the people there are nice, really nice. Nice is the most useless weasel word, it’s like saying something is bland, nice is the new beige. There is one couple who I swear must be faking the level of geekiness that they portray, maybe they’re both really kinky and are part of a swingers club. Tui.

So, full circle, when do you know it’s time to hand over the keys? The simple answer seems to be 3 months after you bought your GixerThou. I guess I must be a slow learner.