Motorcycling and An Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)

To what extent a disciplined environment has on an individual, be it the military, police, emergency services paramedics, doctors, nurses, to name but a few occupations, is as wide and as varied as any and all of the individuals. How we handle situations is born of training, implementation, and accepting the end result knowing that every thing that could be done was done, be the outcome a good one or a bad one. The strength of the professional character is at times camouflaged as are the weaknesses.

For a person such as me, that has an Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder – OCPD, the whole defence force culture on one hand was supportive, on the other it was, over a protracted period, damaging. Whereas the physiological needs were met, that is food, home, clothing and shelter, the social, cultural and professional dynamic however produced a far more harmful result. I will not address in any detail here the traumas, both in my professional life and in my private life, suffice to say however that the clinical management of my OCPD was going to be better managed outside of the defence force environment.

My decision to leave the Navy, with the benefit of hindsight, indeed was the correct one. “Should” I have left, or “If only….” these anxieties are long removed from my personal makeup and I do not look back with anger, grief, or hostility. My decision, was my decision, it was a “Choice” I made at that time in my life at age 31 and there are no regrets.

It has taken a long time, through years of counseling and support from professionals (ongoing both here in NZ and Australia) and my loving family here in New Zealand, that I have come to recognize my own personal strengths and weaknesses, and also recognize the social dynamics in day to day life that I need to be aware of.

An insight to my OCPD, note my OCPD, is that the ability to cope with change can at times be extremely difficult: Not wanting to change schools when I was ten years old, not being able to adjust and accept for example that a posting was going to take me to another city or ship, not being able to step back and look at the false logic that I applied in oh so many situations both in and outside the service.

Bottom-line was – I never had a chance to grow up as a young boy and teenager, these years were overburdened with responsibility, and so my ability to be flexible in my own rational logic was seriously flawed.

Through applying cognitive behaviour techniques I have come a long way, and to finish this entry today, let me say, learning to ride a motorcycle as recently as three years ago had a very significant part to play in my personal development – the ability to see my own false logic and the ability to see and accept my own responsibilities in life.

In my next entry I will reflect on some of the issues that did arise during my early riding months and the recent few years.

Heads Up and Enjoy