Real estate jargon

[MSTRS:Me]

Stunning Harbour Views
...when the tide is in

[FJRider]

Deceased Estate...

...The family have scavenged the chattels, your job is to do something about the nicotine-stained ceilings.

The blood stains are another matter ...

Location, location, location.
The location is great ... just a crappy house.

Wildlife nearby
Rats, mice and 'possums are wildlife too.

In an up and coming area
The area is so far down, the only way to go is UP.

Secluded area
30 minute walk from road end, 4WD track in ... but only in dry season.

Superb view
From one window

[MSTRS:Me]

Viewing by arrangement only
Gives the owner a chance to hide all the buckets for the leaky roof

[Maha]

'Pet Haven'

The owners are moving because of the 5.30am peacock/minor bird/magpie wake up call every fucken morning, they are so worn out.

[Maha]

'In need of TLC'

We wont lie, its a fucken shocker!

'mahafail'

Didn't reach reserve at auction......

[Hitcher]

Stunning Harbour Views
...when the tide is in

And standing on the toilet.

[Stirts]

'In need of TLC'

Reminds me when my Sister and her Hubby were looking to buy a house, I tagged along. It was house out by Old Albany Village. The selling catch phase by the Real Estate Agent was "Bring your paint brush"

Well, as we are walking in the door to the kitchen we see an inch gap between the beautiful remu bench top and the wall. My Sister turns to her hubby pointing to the gap saying "Bring your paint brush"

We all have a giggle.

Moving on through the kitchen door into the hall, we notice a 2cm gap between the top of the door frame and the wall, my Sister again turns to her hubby pointing to the gap saying "Bring your paint brush"

Again, we all have a giggle.

There were gaps everywhere, and even holes in the walls. We were all in chorus and wetting ourselves "Bring your paint brush" by the time we had finished the inspection.

We noticed about a week later the Real Estate Agent had changed her catch phrase.

[Pussy]

DURRR,
They meant "bring your paint brush" to fill the gaps up!

[Mikkel]

For sale by tender
"Hopefully some rich prick will want it and have no clue as to what it is worth."

[Big Dave]

Close to transport - next to the railway line.

Handy to services - overlooks the gas tanks.

Deceptively spacious - Small.

Renovators delight - recently condemned.

----------------------------

I commend to you a book entitled: 'The Joy of Clichés' by Nigel Rees.

[MSTRS:Me]

Delightful 1920's bungalow
Dark, dodgy additions out back and full of dryrot

[Stirts]

DURRR,
They meant "bring your paint brush" to fill the gaps up!

I have a 6 inch paint brush that will fill your cheekie back bum gap

Bright and sunny
venetian blinds not included

Charming
Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have
to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."

And much, much more
nothing else comes to mind

[Maha]

'Brick and Tile'

The only two redeeming features.

[MSTRS:Me]

Easy care section
Concrete in all directions from the foundations to the boundaries...

[BOGAR]

Not quite the same but...
Priced to sell.
High.
(My only thought was, why else are they doing it). Someone may have a better explanation for this one.