Who drinks what beer?

**SPman** · 21st March 2005, 19:36

Chanced on this ...
Beer drinkers - any further observations?...

Author: Bruce Holloway
I was amused to read an email from a barman, who after years of research, drew a correlation between Kiwi stereotypes and their attraction to certain beer brands or styles.
Some of them are cruel _ but don't shoot me, I'm only the messenger here. For instance, if you are lacking even an ounce of personality or wear adidas clobber, chances are you drink Heineken.
And those of you who watch too much TV are apparently all Speight's drinkers...... It gets worse.

Poncey gits with slutty girlfriends drink Corona (though sadly there is no hint on what the girlfriends consumed).
People who don't get out much ask for Waikato, but will always settle for Lion Red.
Cardigan-wearers drink Monteith's and middle-class urbanites go for Mac's Gold.
It's Tui or Export Gold for anyone at university, while tourists go for Speight's Old Dark.

The Corona observation was a truly inspired insight, but from my reading, many of the others appeal as marginal propositions at best. So, purely as an antidote to the community excesses of seasonal goodwill, I've compiled my own equally prejudiced list of beer demographics.

* Adolescents too young to get into pubs drink Ice beer. The saddest cases drink Black Ice.
* Used car salesmen drink Heineken.
* Sickness beneficiaries drink Ranfurly Draught.
* Techno-geeks, lawyers and politicians drink Steinlager.
* Rugby league and softball fans drink Lion Red, but would settle for Waikato.
* Gang members and bogans drink Waikato, but would settle for Lion Red.
* Anoraks and trainspotters drink Rheineck, with a touch of lemonade.
* People who go to the supermarket in bare feet drink DB Double Brown.
* Petrolheads with unnecessarily noisy 1300cc cars drink Foster's.
* Pipe smokers and men with greying beards drink Guinness.
* People trying really hard to impress drink Stella Artois
* Less astute people trying really hard to impress drink Flame beer.
* Farmers, and people who don't know any better, drink DB Draught or Lion Brown.
* Tomboys drink Export Gold, usually straight from the bottle.
* People who don't like the taste of beer drink Monteith's Summer Ale.
* Women who are "up for it" drink Crown lager.
* Radio Pacific listeners drink anything, as long as it comes in a flagon.
* Bargain hunters drink Tuborg.
* Eden Park cricket fans drink Export Gold because they have no bloody choice.
* Journalists drink anything if it's free.
* Does anyone drink Mac's Gold?

**James Deuce** · 21st March 2005, 19:42

Bugger. Mac's Gold and Monteith's Summer are my faves. Guess I'm Ghey then. Just off to tell the wife.

Back Soon.

**Hitcher** · 21st March 2005, 19:45

And the really fun part? In blind testing, so-called beer aficionados can't tell the difference! If you let them see what's in the glass they can generally pick the difference between a black beer, lager and brown beer but that's about as good as it gets. I have run several beer tasting events at social club dos over the years and have yet to find a beer drinker who can "beat the monkey", statistically speaking. Conclusion: People who claim to be able to discern between Lion Red, Brown, DB Draught, Tui, Speights, Waikato wouldn't have a fucking clue what they were drinking unless they poured it from a branded container. Most can't pick Stella from Lion Brown. Sad but true...

**SpankMe** · 21st March 2005, 19:46

Yep, I'm "up for it"

**Ms Piggy** · 21st March 2005, 19:50

Speights, Heineken, Macs Gold, Flame, Monteiths Radler (that lime one).

Btw - I'm a student but I don't like Tui or Export.

**Blackbird** · 21st March 2005, 20:18

and my wife isn't big on beer so that's why she drinks Summer Ale of a warm evening

Hitcher, you are talking cobblers (a somewhat rare event perhaps) when it comes to being unable to discern different types of ale "blind" as it were. As a good Waikato lad, I avoid our regional ale like the plague. I don't even need to smell or taste it as there is incontovertible evidence about 20 minutes later. I don't think that I need go further other than to say that you wouldn't enjoy the proof that I can tell when I've ingested the stuff.

Anyway, I much prefer a good Merlot or Shiraz - typical nancy Honda owner...

**Krusti** · 21st March 2005, 20:26

Yeeeha....I'm a gang member! Only the other way around.....Lion Red then Waikato. Tho I did drink Monteiths Dark while in the Other Lump of dirt South of us.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Beer

**Magua** · 21st March 2005, 20:28

Corona! Poncey, maybe. No slutty girlfriend to go with it though.

**What?** · 21st March 2005, 20:35

I don't watch much TV, so I must be confused when I drink Speights.

Getting worried coz I quite like Monty's Summer ale.

But my fave (Hoegaarden) isn't on the list, so maybe I really am the sterotypical BMW owner...

(can't understand why anyone would want to drink locally made Heineken - it is nothing like the real thing) :spudwhat:

**FROSTY:Me** · 21st March 2005, 20:37

hmm--well that hteory is blown away--I drink the black stuff--and I sell cars--eeep

**Storm** · 21st March 2005, 20:40

I'm an ex farmer and its DB Draught for me, although, seeing as I will drink most of those beers above, makes me what? Confused? A beer whore? :spudwhat:

**k14** · 21st March 2005, 20:44

Do agree with most students drinking tui but only seen chicks drinking export. Think speights needs to get added to that list for the southern students. Thats what i go for if i am paying or steinlager if its free.

**Skyryder** · 21st March 2005, 20:44

If it's black I'll drink it. #1 Hogshead Dark #2 Monteiths #3 Speights Old Dark Blacki Mac ets

Hereford Bitter on the lighter side. Heinikein, and when I can get it Spitfire. I will not drink Elepahant Beer or Steinlager and Lion Red is there too.

Skyryder