When is verbal or physical domestic violence understandable?

[Winston001]

From the Veitch thread a number of people have explained (but not excused) his actions in terms of being provoked by Kirsten Dunne-Powell.

How many KBers think that a woman can provoke a man to the point that he bursts into emotional verbal abuse? Is that understandable? Acceptable?

How about physical abuse?

Are there occasions where its justified?

NB - in France until 1970 crime passionnel (or crime of passion) was a valid defense

[CookMySock]

It's never acceptable, which ever way around it is done.

The power-struggle is perfectly explainable, and fixable.

http://www.google.co.nz/search?q=imago+match


Steve

[The Lone Rider]

From the Veitch thread a number of people have explained (but not excused) his actions in terms of being provoked by Kirsten Dunne-Powell.

How many KBers think that a woman can provoke a man to the point that he bursts into emotional verbal abuse? Is that understandable? Acceptable?

How about physical abuse?

Are there occasions where its justified?

Dunno about abuse, but when my girl friend has said things to me like she might not let me at the birth of our child, it takes a bit of tongue biting to not want to yell profanity over it.

I guess yelling and swearing and name calling depends on if it's constant or a one off due to something extreme that happened.

Physical no excuse.

[Mikkel]

If women could just learn to shut up when told so I am sure it wouldn't happen at all.

[Pwalo]

It's probably time to walk away and find some one else.

[Laava]

But you need the satisfaction of some high decibel expletives! For closure.

[slofox]

It must cut both ways - not allowable by either party...

[buellbabe]

If the provocation is there then I think that verbal abuse is justified but never physical abuse. If it gets to that point then that is the time to walk away.

Hell! If I was being an f**king bitch and actually provoked my man (or anyone) to the point where he lost the plot then I would fully expect to be told in no uncertain terms what sort of an F**King bitch I was!

And for the record this goes both ways. There are some women out there who beat up on their men and that ain't cool either.

[Hitcher]

"When is verbal or physical domestic violence understandable?"

When one wanker too many posts yet another thread about it?

[Boob Johnson]

"When is verbal or physical domestic violence understandable?"

When one wanker too many posts yet another thread about it?

Ha ha, well said.

Verbal or physical is not on obviously. I think there is a difference between having a heated exchange/disagreement but when it's "abusive" that's not on at all.

Only need to be with someone who has suffered at the hands of another to know why it's not on.

[cc rider]

2 years of having every spelling mistake and every grammatical error written down in a book plus other stuff - what's that called. no smilie faces here

[Tank]

2 years of having every spelling mistake and every grammatical error written down in a book plus other stuff - what's that called. no smilie faces here

There should have been a question mark after called, and smiley has only 1 'i' and a y at the end.

You should have also had a full stop at the end of the second sentence.

[cc rider]

There should have been a question mark after called, and smiley has only 1 'i' and a y at the end.

You should have also had a full stop at the end of the second sentence.

Fuck you!

Glad you have a free hand

[tigertim20]

Every man woman and child have a breaking point, no matter how tolerant they are, or try to be. That doesnt mean that I think its acceptable to resort to physical or emotional or verbal abuse, but it does mean that I can understand how a person could be driven to do it. The human brain can only take so much before something has to give.

Although on the whole Veitch thing, didnt the woman have a romantic valentines dinner with him the next day?
and did he get his $150,000 "willing reparation" or "hush money" back?

[Beemer]

Verbal or physical is not on obviously. I think there is a difference between having a heated exchange/disagreement but when it's "abusive" that's not on at all.

Very true. I doubt many people would have NEVER yelled something offensive at someone in anger - but that is as far as it goes. They don't get up the following morning and carry on the shouting and continue it every day. I once went out with a guy who was very good at belittling me by pointing out that his ex was really clever, she'd been to university and he used to have very intelligent conversations with her. At the time I just thought he was a wanker and the relationship didn't last long after that, but I wonder if he would have carried on in that vein if we had stayed together.

I got one slap across the face - ONCE - by an ex and that was enough for me to walk out, never to return.

My husband and I will have heated debates when we have differing views - the difference is we don't throw "fuck you" and "what do you know, you're a fucking moron" into the mix!

I can understand the frustration you feel when you are dealing with someone who really knows how to wind you up, but the best thing to do is to walk away until you both calm down. I came from a family of sulkers - man, my father could sulk for weeks! I much prefer a bit of shouting, followed by an apology and then life goes on.

I know physical abuse is appalling and not acceptable under any circumstances, but I think verbal abuse can often be worse. Being constantly told you are useless can be just as horrible.

Compare this - heard a little girl aged about three out with her father ask him a question and he turned around and said "shut the fuck up will you". She looked like the bottom had fallen out of her world. Yesterday we were at a car show and a woman was having trouble with her two young sons. "If you do not apologise to your brother now, I will have to sit you down for three minutes to think about how mean that was". Next thing we heard a "sorry" and off they went to enjoy the rest of their day. Which kid would you rather be? And which kid would you rather have in your life as a partner when they grow up?