I am a reasonable man

**Forest** · 6th July 2009, 00:57

I have tried to live my life according to the rules. I respect the rule of law and understand that it is the thin line which separates us from anarchy and chaos.

Which is why, motherfucker, I will make it my life's mission to hunt you down and make you suffer.

My needs may seem simple, but they are a necessary part of me. In many ways they define me.

When I work up this morning, I began the Sunday morning routine which I have followed for many years. It began with a cup of tea which was followed a trip to the supermarket.

As I wandered around the aisles, my mind stepped through the motions that would shortly bring me to a state of absolute pleasure and fulfillment. I mentally turned the knob to a fraction over five, checked to make sure the crumpet switch was turned off, and pushed down the lever. My imagination was vivid and I could see, taste, and smell my reward popping up from the toaster before lashings of butter were applied to its crisp yet moist exterior.

But I only got to enjoy it in my imagination. You miserable cock-sucker! Because when my back was turned you pinched my bloody Fruit Toast from the trolley! And when i went back to the rack there was none left.

When I find you, you miserable piece of trash, I will make suffer for the remainder of your short and miserable life.

No jury will ever convict me.

For I am a reasonable man.

**Forest** · 6th July 2009, 01:00

Damnit! Wrong forum.

If somebody could move this to Rant & Rave, I would be very grateful.

**shafty** · 6th July 2009, 01:14

CCTV is your friend............

**Mort** · 6th July 2009, 02:27

Armed response is required... A man has a right to protect his fruit loaf.

the bastards are every where

**Toaster** · 6th July 2009, 02:48

I had fruit loaf for breakfast.

I can understand the motivation behind people nicking purses and car keys off trolleys in the supermarket, but other peoples fruit loaf????!!!!!

I hope it was well past its use-by date.

**justsomeguy** · 6th July 2009, 04:39

Sorry, didn't think you wanted it.

I shall post you the remains after carefully extracting them tomorrow morning.

**davebullet** · 6th July 2009, 07:08

that tag says it all

**Usarka** · 6th July 2009, 07:35

Senility is settling in. You only think you remember putting it in the trolley.

Kick yourself in the balls.

**crazyhorse** · 6th July 2009, 08:13

Yummmmm..... fruit loaf.

Tasted good alright

**crazyhorse** · 6th July 2009, 08:13

Then again - you live in Melbourne - what do you expect???

**Mschvs** · 6th July 2009, 08:22

Passionate words ..... got any friends in high places? I.e. manager at the supermarket??

**scracha** · 6th July 2009, 08:33

Find a victim. Take 10 identical items off the shelf. Put them on the top of your trolley. Now swap trolleys.

They normally don't notice. Saves hours of shopping.

You've gotta try this.

**steve_t** · 6th July 2009, 08:56

What a fucking wanker! Who does that sort of thing?!! You obviously had the fruit loaf first! Just goes to show that you can't turn your back, even for a second or someone will mess with your shit. What a crap ass world it's becoming

I remember one time at the snow, putting my sunglasses on the bench next to my leg. I tied my boot lace up and the sunnies were gone