1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
7. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
8. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
9. Ahhhh. I see the f ***-up fairy has visited us again.
10. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
11. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
12. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a sh*t
13. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
14. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
15. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
16. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
17. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental
18. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
19. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
20. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
21. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
22. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?
23. Do I look like a f****** people person to you?
24. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
25. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
28. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
29. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
30. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........
31. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.
32. Can I swap this job for what's behind door .........?
33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
34. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?
35. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
36. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
37. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.
38. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.
39. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
40. Aren't you a black hole of need.
41. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
42. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
43. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
44. If you have something to say raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.
45. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?
46. Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.
47. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
48. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.
49. You are as pretty as a picture, I'd really like to hang you.
50. Don't believe everything you think.
51. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring
Might be a repost but I couldn't stop laughing!...
Also, I had this sent to me at work...
Warning - Swearing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training Instead Of: You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?
2. Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter Instead Of: She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch
3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late Instead Of: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
4. Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible Instead Of: F*** off a*se- hole
5. Try Saying: Really? Instead Of: Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole
6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with.. Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a f***.
7. Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project. Instead Of: Not my f***ing problem.
8. Try Saying: That's interesting. Instead Of: What the f***?
9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented
within the given timescale. Instead Of: No f***ing chance mate.
10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in Instead Of: Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues Instead Of: He's got his head up his f***ing a*se.
12. Try Saying: Excuse me, sir? Instead Of: Oi, f*** face
13. Try Saying: Of course, I was only going
to be at home anyway Instead Of: Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.
Originally Posted by nodrog
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