Graham - as a dad myself I can only imagine your loss. He looked like a fine lad. I hope Connor continues to grow and thrive with the love you showed Alex.
Toxteth O'Grady
Graham - as a dad myself I can only imagine your loss. He looked like a fine lad. I hope Connor continues to grow and thrive with the love you showed Alex.
L-Plate Rider
oh man i cant put away this guilt. i wish we had never gotten a motorbike.but the car alex had was having so many problems and he'd been asking for a bike for a while..I made him promise me he would ride it safely if we got one.he told me he would. i guess i was a bit concerned about what would happen if a car hit him..but i never thought he would cause anything to happen.i told him everyday to ride safely, for me and for connor, and he assured me he did. its just not fair. i cant take this rain and knowing alex is lying in the ground so far away from me it hurts so bad.wanna be with him so much.dont know what to do anymore every time i try to convince myself I can go on and raise connor alone the end of the day creeps up and i miss alex coming home so much and i dont want to go the rest of my life without him.cant and wont i dont think i can cope
Den tha thriamvéf̱sei páno̱
Thanks for posting Anika, from where I sit you're coming through much clearer, that's good
'They' say - anecdotally, that survivors guilt is normal.
For every person left, there is guilt to deal with from a different angle.
Eventually - and hopefully, you will get to a point where you'll stop asking questions - what ifs, because there are no answers.
Try not to think of what is in the ground. That's just a shell. The real Alex is free, and a part of your son - Connor.
X
ter·ra in·cog·ni·taAchievement is not always success while reputed failure often is. It is honest endeavor, persistent effort to do the best possible under any and all circumstances.
Orison Swett Marden
Whip it, whip it good!
Hey Anika! Well done sweetie for getting through the past few days, not an easy journey for anyone, let alone a new Mommy. You are doing well. Dont think too hard about anything, today is the most important one, if that seems too big, break it down to day time and night time, or hour by hour, or whatever it takes.
Originally Posted by Gubb
Bitch from Hell
Its small small miniture steps Anika ... take one and then breathe ... then take time to do another small one ... survivors guilt is something that I went through .. and every now and then it rears its head and I talk to my friends ... I found that is the only way I can get through.
Life is a gift that we have all been given. Live life to the full and ensure that you have absolutely no
regrets.
For your parts needs:
http://www.motorcycleparts.co.nz/
Coal Burning XV Rider!
Hello Anika, glad you told us whats happening with you today.
We're another pair of ears and many hearts to feel for you and reach out to you.
Mom's message, break it down, is a great one, take a big breath and slowly relax.
Every day above ground is a good day!:
Bouncy...bouncy..
Yea. That goes for me too. Talk to your friends, even over the phone. Especially those from here that can relate to what you are going through at the moment. Survivors guilt is an ugly thing to deal with. Don't try to understand it, or try to go alone. We are all only a post away.
Keep your chin up Anika..
"No matter what bike you ride. It's all the same wind in your face"
**--**--**
Well, what to say? This thread has to be the most heartwrenching thread I have read on KB. Heartwrenching and yet heartwarming - the KB support network at its best. Power to you all.
Anika - While I cannot even begin to comprehend the pain of your loss and the trauma that you are dealing with, I do understand that out of all of lifes challenges this one will be the hardest you will have to deal with.
The offers of help, practical support, advice and assistance in this thread for you and Connor are genuine and as others have said, take little steps and reach out to those who care.
T.G.W has outlined a method by which she has ensured that her children know and love their father in every sense. What a beautiful thing to do!
Write down memories, talk into a tape recorder, collect photo's and decide what memorabilia should be kept for Connor. Don't be hard on yourself, take the time to cry and remember good times while you are doing itgive yourself time to deal with all this in your own unique way, but please do avail yourself of all the love and support offered. You do not need to go through this alone.
Like everyone else, I too would like to offer my support in whatever way I can.
and / or
Follow me on Facebook
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
The pied piper
Anika, Connor, Graham and family,
I am so sorry for your loss, it saddens me to hear you speak of a lost loved one and the pain you are currently feeling. As it has been said by everyone else, the pain will begin to fade as time goes by.
Anika,
Listen to what everyone is telling you, reach out to the help being offered, call those that have left their phone numbers and take the advice of those that have been through similar life experiences.
Look after Connor, he is your closest link to Alex, he will grow to have the same traits, actions and looks of your loved one, he will be your window to Alex, now and in later life.
When you have opened the new account you spoke of in Connors name please let me know the details so I may contribute in a way I can help.
My thoughts a with you all at a time of great sadness.
Brad
Hibernating
Graham my sincere condolences to you and your family, I have really felt for Anika, Conner and her family but also to you, and Alex's other family.
and you all were in my thoughts on saturday.
Alex continues to live on in Conner and in your memories, I too really like T.G.W idea to start recording your memories of Alex, he will cherish this in yrs to come.
Have toKarma ... Justice catches up eventually !!
Last of a dying breed
Hi
There is no need for you to try to do this alone. So many who are prepared to support you now when you need it. Grab their outstretched hands. And allow them to do some of the work. Each and everyone who here has offered you their help is sincere. Please accept the offers. Being alone with the thoughts is tough. We are all friends you just have not met yet. Sadly there are many on here who has walked down the road you are now starting on. They are all doing it, and so can you.
We all want you to se your son grow up, he has lost his dad, now he needs his mum more then ever.
Shitloads of love to you and your son. And some $$'s to. (Still same account #?)
L-Plate Rider
I thank everyone here for their support, I know you are all sincere and I know some of you have gone through the same/similar thing. I have lots of photos of alex himself and of him with connor and some with me. I have a couple of short videos on my camera. I wrote a letter to Connor telling him all about his dad, how much he loved him, his plans for the future with him. i have his belongings such as clothes and his car models. I have done these things when I am in the frame of mind to believe that I can go on. But that only lasts for about half an hour and then I feel so lost. I was a different person with Alex. We bought out each others best sides. We had so much fun together, were best friends and yet we loved each other more than most people can imagine. With him I was a person I never was before and now never will be again.Trust me I love my son with all my heart, but he is not Alex and never will be. He may look like him some day, or he may not. He may have a few of Alex's characteristics but thats it. Once you have had something like Alex and I had theres no going back. We were eachother's lives, and we both knew it. We never had a bay day together. He treated me like a princess up to the last day of his life. I just want him so bad and I don't think I can give Connor what he needs anymore, bad as I feel to say it cause I love him so much, I don't want the responsibility of him cause we had him thinking he would be ours to share, not mine alone. and i dont want to see Connor grow up and know Alex isn't there experiencing it all.and dont tell me he's with me in spirit cause hes not and even if he were I dont want that I just want to see him and touch him and talk to him
Bitch from Hell
So much of what you say I know. You are right .. Connor will never and should never be Alex ... but part of Alex made him .. and under your nuture that will never be forgotten ... I still have all the cards and words from people at home ready to put in an album when i am ready - but that will only happen once I am ready. Thats what we mean by small steps ... don't anticipate ... don't fret ... just know there is support to help you get through.
Life is a gift that we have all been given. Live life to the full and ensure that you have absolutely no
regrets.
For your parts needs:
http://www.motorcycleparts.co.nz/
Hardcore Biker
Anika, when we lose loved ones we go through a 'grief cycle'. A cycle of disbelief, anger, acceptance, bargaining and all those why me? questions. It's normal and doesn't happen in any particular order or time frame. What you are feeling is normal and IT"S OKAY no matter how irrational it may seem to others. just let yourself work through these feelings, keep close to your family and let it all out. Your going to come out the other side of this okay, no matter hard hard it may seem now.
Hardcore Biker
does anyone know the address to Anikas'/Connor? PM me and I will call in next time I'm up north...for a cup of tea like...if any tasks/chores need to be done etc
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