Young death - Donations

[Her_C4]

Its so hard to explain..

You don't need to - until you are ready and have the right words and the right moment.

[DreamRunner]

No, I completely understand what you're saying. It makes complete sense I'm pretty sure I would feel the exact same way if it were me. When my uncle died, it was hard because there were so many things he wasn't there for. My three little cousins didn't have their dad anymore, he wasn't there when they got their first boyfriends, when the oldest went to her first school ball this year, when they started intermediate school and then high school. But he lives on through all of them. They carry so many of his traits and his personality, it comes out in different ways in all three of them. I'm sure there will be lots of things Connor does when he's older than reminds you of Alex too, and that's a really special thing to have. It's really horrible that he can't be there but you can find him in Connor too. I don't know if you believe in god and heaven but I think my family found it easier to believe that my uncle was watching down on them and was a part of everything, was looking after them. His spirit carries on through the people he left behind, the way people talk about him and continue to remember him, how people tell stories of the funny things he did, how he'd be so proud of his daughters. You can keep Alex's memory alive through the stories you tell your son and the things you share with others about Alex. I'm sure other people will have stories they can share with you about him too

I know that life looks bleak without Alex now but carry Alex with you in everything you do. Carry him in your heart and remember him always. Whatever comes next for you in life, take Alex with you on that journey. I promise there will be new adventures for you and your son, even though it might not feel like it right now. Keep holding on for your son. Maybe it would help to think about what Alex would want you to do if he could talk to you? Would he want you to keep going, keep pushing forward? Would he want for you to raise his son as best you can? It's okay to cry when you're upset, there's nothing wrong with that. I'd be worried if you weren't crying. It will get easier though. Over time. Just keep taking it one day, one hour, one minute, one moment at a time. You're doing amazing so far

[Tink]

constantly find myself thinking about the future and how many more years I have left without Alex..it just looks so bleak. My son really is all thats keeping me here right now.

Your future as was seen "was with Alex" never say you left it.. or it looks bleak.. but think how Alex would want you to think...

When I feel down or get bad thoughts I look at him and hold him.I love him so much but my love for Alex is equal to that,

I can say you love Alex more forever... connor is a part of Alex.. that love is equal.

although maybe more because we had an intimate relationship whereas Connor is a responsibilty.

Connor MAY feel like a responsibilty... I can say I feel that way now... I will tell you why one day... but that will change.. and I think you know that.

Not that I regret him ever, I love him, nor do I regret meeting Alex,

There you need to stop.. there is no need to explain your love...

even if I have to go through all this pain. I am grateful I ever met someone who gave me so much and unconditional love..but its just so wrong we don't get the rest of our live together.

And here the healing will one day start...

Its been hard looking after Connor and seeing him grow up, watching him smile all the time, laugh for the first time, and "talk." Its hard because I know Alex isn't there to experience that with our family..

I love hearing this... "our family"... unconditional.. good on you.

Now when I see him laughing or being cute I burst into tears sometimes because Alex isn't there

But you are... and silly as all may say... Alex will be too... in Connor.

and I so want someone to share these things with..I want him to have his dad. I want to be able to enjoy him and be happy to see him grow up instead of hating it because then he will be someone Alex never knew, I won't have any memories of us all together like that..same goes for me, I don't want to grow older and change from the person I was wth Alex.Its so hard to explain..

You should never justify or explain yourself... its like writing a diary... when we need to be.. .we just are!

[Genestho]

No, I completely understand what you're saying. It makes complete sense I'm pretty sure I would feel the exact same way if it were me. When my uncle died, it was hard because there were so many things he wasn't there for. My three little cousins didn't have their dad anymore, he wasn't there when they got their first boyfriends, when the oldest went to her first school ball this year, when they started intermediate school and then high school. But he lives on through all of them. They carry so many of his traits and his personality, it comes out in different ways in all three of them. I'm sure there will be lots of things Connor does when he's older than reminds you of Alex too, and that's a really special thing to have. It's really horrible that he can't be there but you can find him in Connor too. I don't know if you believe in god and heaven but I think my family found it easier to believe that my uncle was watching down on them and was a part of everything, was looking after them. His spirit carries on through the people he left behind, the way people talk about him and continue to remember him, how people tell stories of the funny things he did, how he'd be so proud of his daughters. You can keep Alex's memory alive through the stories you tell your son and the things you share with others about Alex. I'm sure other people will have stories they can share with you about him too

I know that life looks bleak without Alex now but carry Alex with you in everything you do. Carry him in your heart and remember him always. Whatever comes next for you in life, take Alex with you on that journey. I promise there will be new adventures for you and your son, even though it might not feel like it right now. Keep holding on for your son. Maybe it would help to think about what Alex would want you to do if he could talk to you? Would he want you to keep going, keep pushing forward? Would he want for you to raise his son as best you can? It's okay to cry when you're upset, there's nothing wrong with that. I'd be worried if you weren't crying. It will get easier though. Over time. Just keep taking it one day, one hour, one minute, one moment at a time. You're doing amazing so far

Lovely Post. Amen

Also Anika, just thinking what Rocket Gal said, about this being like a diary, I hope you print this out one day. I never kept a journal, kinda wish I had now. This will be your measure. Maybe one day you'll read this and be blown away by how far you have come.

[caseye]

DreamRunner, thanks, you've shown Anika compasion and understanding,you've also got her to let out some of the stuff that was choking her up, cheers for that.
Hey Anika, sorry for talking about you when your'e here.
Seeing your reply to DreamRunner tonight made me smile, just a little mind.
Your'e doing OK.
We're here if you want, sleep tight.

[jamiey]

Hey Anika. Hope you are still holding up well. If you ever need a ride down to Tauranga let me know. I live quite close to you and would be quite happy to run you down for the day to see Alex. PM me if you ever need an trip down. Kia Kaha.

[Sharry]

HI Anika, your posts are showing great maturity and strength. I do believe that you will carry Alex with you during your life and although the memory of your relationship will sometimes be very difficult to remember without tears at other times it will carry you through and help give you strength


I can relate to what DreamRunner has said to you, use what you find useful and take anything you don't find helpful as well intended but not for you. We are all different in how we view life and process information, and you can only grieve in your own way.
This is a place where you can share how you feel, no matter how that looks.
I do hope you are sleeping better and managing to take one step at a time during the day.

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Hi Anika sorry for not coming on yesterday i had one of those days that things just overtook me and i didn't achive anything.

But what more could i say that hasn't been said in the last 5 or 6 last post .

Take Care Love

Wendy

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Hi Anika how are you today. Hope you have a good day with the sun shining I was out helping a friend get there house ready to go on the market and now i'm buggered. Which is a bit of a laugh because i'm doing the Auckland 1/2 marathon in the morning. Keep your fingers crossed for that i get to the bridge before cut off. Take care love and give yoursel and Connor a cuddlle from me.

Wendy

[Sharry]

Hi Anika, I do hope you got the chance to be out in the sun and distract yourself with some of natures beautiful pleasures this weekend

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Hi Anika how are you today. Hope managed to get some time out for your self this weekend and i also hope you gave yourself one of those tight hugs.

We had quite a busy weekend so i'm glad it's monday so that i can just chill out. Take care and remember i'm here if you need anything.

Wendy

[snuffles]

I know, i am not usually the caring type, but can we all please be careful with what we say to this young women in reagrd to anything. Grief has its own way of working through people. we are not experts and we would probably handle the situation differently if it were us, or not.

Having been through this sort of thing myself, I suggest we keep our opinions to ourselves.

please

[nana_mac]

get some help, for your child's sake

People like this are not worth knowing,they shouldn't even be posting accusations like this one. One day they will loose a loved one close to them,perhaps then realization will be understood.
The support that has been offered on here to you has been tremendous and genuine as some of us have lost loved ones close to us and fully understand what you are going through. I for one still grieve my son's death. I miss him terribly. Kb 'er that care are the most supportive group I have ever known, stay with them Alexm at the end of the day these people will still be there for you and support you. Take care.

[XxKiTtiExX]

I don't think jimjims intentions were ever to be a "jerk" despite everyone thinking it was. He just seems highly concerned for the sake of the child involved, and rightfully so. Connor needs his mother. Its not a personal attack against Anika. And its certainly not a comment coming from someone who just "doesn't know" how it feels.

Yes we all grieve differently, some take longer than others. Sometimes we never fully "get over" our loss, we just manage to find a new sense of normal that gets us through the day.



Chin up Anika. xx

[Gmears]

I have been following this thread every day, Alex was my son and I am shattered ,devastated and deeply saddened by the sudden death of my beloved son.
I have been really impressed by the support that the kiwi biker community has been offering for Anika.
I was sad when Alex left his appenticeship in Tauranga and shifted to Auckland , I tried to encourage him to stay in the Bay of Plenty, Alex and I were having a lot of fun together in my new house and I had recently imported a muscle car from the states and we were having a blast crusing around the mount. I am gutted that I didnt make a bigger effort to see Alex when he shifted to Auckland and deeply regret not travelling more to Auckland to see Alex and Anika and especially when Conner was born.
Alex was a lot of fun and Anika must have had a lot of fun together during their nearly one year together and I am deeply saddened that conner will not get to see what an awesome father he would have been.
Alex spoke to me prior to shifting to Auckland that he wanted to buy a bike , I tried in vain to dissuade him but he would not listen , when he told me in September that he got his bike license , I was worried and did not have a good feeling and like Anika would have done asked him to be carefull !.
I never thought that I would have to deal with the greif that I now have every day, I think about it all the time and suppose I will carry this for the rest of my life, I miss alex a lot, he was the only child who txted me recently to wish me a happy fathers day, when I go to Alex`s bebo page which is every day I see a part of me as well, a lot of his tastes in music and films are stuff that we enjoyed together , some of his favourite photos on there are from events that we went to together.
After listening to Anika talk about how Alex treated her with love and respect I could see that he had some really good qualities , it sounded like he really knew how to treat his partner .
I have a really supportive partner which has been good for me in the dark times that I have been having, I try to focus on my work ( I have recently lost my job so Im trying hard to re-establish myself)
I have been able to get back into my gym training, dance lessons and swimming, its not easy ,as its hard to focus, hard to enjoy music and laugh again.
Its hard to believe that I will never see Alex again , I think back when I was 21 and I have lived so much during that time, Alex had so much to live for and Im devastated that I will not enjoy those years with him and his family.
I dont suppose the pain will ever go away