Young death - Donations

[MadDuck]

its too hard i have thought and thought it makes me so happy u guys care, but no amount of counselling or thats guna change my mind.course ilove him so much but my loving family will give him more u see i dont want to go on i always hadnt sinced 14 and then i got everythng I wanted, an amazing boyfriend andbetween us had so much love, respect and funny crazy times together.i want that and im never gona get it any other way.plz dont make me feel guilty bout my connor he is beautiful he will be happy with my family they will do a better job than I do right noe i can hardly look at him, just wana b with alex.just so u know imnot an alcoholic i had half a glass its my stupid sleeing anf anxiety pills making me feel like a retard typing. thanks for all the caring truly

It is a natural reaction to a very terrible situation. It will take time and it wont be an easy road for you or your lovely son. I live in Whangaparaoa - Stanmore Bay Anika so if you need anything please just ask. DO NOT be afraid to seek help.

My cell is 0274 982 343. I cant say I have been there but dammit if you need to pick up the phone and just let it out....I will be there

[ManDownUnder]

Proud to help. Send me the bank account number!!!!!!!!

[chanceyy]

Anika

I am sorry I did not mean to imply you were drinking just stating a fact that alcohol does not lesson the pain.

Your son deserves to know his mother & no family member can replace you.

You have shared some fantastic times with Alex and you are the only one who can truly relate to him when he is old enough how his dad was, and who he was .. even his own family would not know him as well as you do.

please please please take T.G.W up on her offer, give her a call, she truly can understand your depth of despair and grief, we care and all here too, being able to post will give you an outlet, please feel free to do so.

[Gareth51]

Bank details please paddy

Anika,my condolences for you and your family
Gareth

[boman]

Just make it through the night. Each day is it's own journey. I found when a day was tough, go to sleep, it might be better. Day by day it was. You can do it.

What she says. One moment at a time. Take this advise from people who know what it is like, at this time in your life.

Take care.

[alexm]

i know wat u guys are saying I know of course I will be happy in the end, but the thing is i DONT WANNA BE.i know i might find another great guy but no one and i mean no one close to Alex he was the most amazing person to me he trated my like an angel he knew how to make me happy and I made him happy. this why i wana go to him, cause I dont want a future only want alex and what I had.dont wana sound like connor meand nothing to me he does so much i love him to pieced i feel like shit for wanting to leave him but dont try make me feel bad and imply i dont love him he is beautiful i want the best for him and that isnt me no more i dont even wana take care of him my mum is cause i cant do it. best for me to be with my love and connor to grow up like a normal child without his mum who was always suicidical sometimes before but this time it sets me off to far but im scared but i gota b with alex

[ManDownUnder]

PM Published with permission.

Mate - what you are either experiencing or about to experience is probably going to rock Anika's world.

I've been in exactly your position and KB blew me away. The cash is one thing... the kindness and support of others in emotional and very practical ways is quite another.

Meals for these days to get her though, clothes for her son, and God only know what other things that are going to be needed are all available.

Don't be scared to ask for stuff, and now is not the time to be modest about accepting the offers of others that appear to be strangers. We're not strangers. Don't even think that for a second.

Check the thread http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=55054

It's been done before.... so go for it!

$1,000 should be a walk in the park. Who's up for another head shaving session? It's been a few years...

What's the total at right now do we know?

[paddy]

Hi guys,

Just to clarify, I don't actually know Anika and I found out in the forum just like the rest of y'all, so those of you that are PM'ing me to offer assistance other than money (meals, working bees, etcetera) may be better to post directly in the thread.

To be honest, I'm struggling to keep up with the requests for her bank account number. I didn't quite anticipate the response! If I'm allowed to say, without it sounding too corny, I'm proud of us. For a group of argumentative grouches (excuse me generalising) we all do seem to be able to pull together and put our differences aside when it truly counts.

P.

[paddy]

i know wat u guys are saying I know of course I will be happy in the end, but the thing is i DONT WANNA BE.i know i might find another great guy but no one and i mean no one close to Alex he was the most amazing person to me he trated my like an angel he knew how to make me happy and I made him happy. this why i wana go to him, cause I dont want a future only want alex and what I had.dont wana sound like connor meand nothing to me he does so much i love him to pieced i feel like shit for wanting to leave him but dont try make me feel bad and imply i dont love him he is beautiful i want the best for him and that isnt me no more i dont even wana take care of him my mum is cause i cant do it. best for me to be with my love and connor to grow up like a normal child without his mum who was always suicidical sometimes before but this time it sets me off to far but im scared but i gota b with alex

Anika, do you have anyone with you at the moment? Is there anyone that could stay with you for a little while?

[MadDuck]

I didn't quite anticipate the response! If I'm allowed to say, without it sounding too corny, I'm proud of us. For a group of argumentative grouches (excuse me generalising) we all do seem to be able to pull together and put our differences aside when it truly counts.

P.

It is what KB is about. When you cut through all the bullshit.

[Mort]

Anika - the heartbreak you are going through right now is awful and is at its absolute worst right now. Many readers here can only imagine the distress you are feeling now. You will never feel worse than you do now but you will, gradually, come to terms with the loss of Alex. You need to be with family and friends and especially Connor. He may be just a tiny baby but you are his whole world and his entire future. Only you can give the love and meaning every child needs in their lives. Focus on him and you will find the strength to deal with this terrible situation and move on together and find happiness. Alex would lovingly expect this of you just as you had every expectation that he would remain a loving father. To raise his boy with the love you both have for him is the best possible testament to the love you have for Alex.

Keep talking and posting. There are people out there who you have never met and never will, who are with you now.

[Maha]

i know wat u guys are saying I know of course I will be happy in the end, but the thing is i DONT WANNA BE.i know i might find another great guy but no one and i mean no one close to Alex he was the most amazing person to me he trated my like an angel he knew how to make me happy and I made him happy. this why i wana go to him, cause I dont want a future only want alex and what I had.dont wana sound like connor meand nothing to me he does so much i love him to pieced i feel like shit for wanting to leave him but dont try make me feel bad and imply i dont love him he is beautiful i want the best for him and that isnt me no more i dont even wana take care of him my mum is cause i cant do it. best for me to be with my love and connor to grow up like a normal child without his mum who was always suicidical sometimes before but this time it sets me off to far but im scared but i gota b with alex

Bit of tough love here Anika..
Explain to me how the hell Conner will grow up normal with both his Mum and Dad not around?
You are young and something as tragic as the loss of your soulmate so early in life must be the absolute worst thing to deal with, but deal with it you must. For your sake and for Conners sake, and not forgetting Alex. He will be there with you, dont let him down, make him proud of you, and his son, its what he would have wanted.

Mark

[alexm]

the thing is its so easy to say all those things to me, and i dont blame you my mum has said the same things to me.butp u dont know how i feel alex was my lifep im sorry but we loved eachoter a bit more than we loved connor because we hadnt got to know connor as a person yet. I love connor so much i wouldnt leave him if i didnt feel he would be looked after, I have a large warm family who will take him as his own..i know u think im selfish but im not i would take connor with me if i could so we could all be together as a family but i cant do that to him.its just so hard 2 exlain the only person who would understand and know is alex and hes not here and i need him. rest assured connor will be taken care of by people who love and adore him

[Nasty]

the thing is its so easy to say all those things to me, and i dont blame you my mum has said the same things to me.butp u dont know how i feel alex was my lifep im sorry but we loved eachoter a bit more than we loved connor because we hadnt got to know connor as a person yet. I love connor so much i wouldnt leave him if i didnt feel he would be looked after, I have a large warm family who will take him as his own..i know u think im selfish but im not i would take connor with me if i could so we could all be together as a family but i cant do that to him.its just so hard 2 exlain the only person who would understand and know is alex and hes not here and i need him. rest assured connor will be taken care of by people who love and adore him

Anika .... I am a member of another forum ... www.ywbb.org .... this is for young people who have lost their husband/partner/lover .... there are a lot of young mums and there are a lot of people who know exactly what you are going through right now. There are a few kiwis there ... and we all support each other ...

[Grahameeboy]

the thing is its so easy to say all those things to me, and i dont blame you my mum has said the same things to me.butp u dont know how i feel alex was my lifep im sorry but we loved eachoter a bit more than we loved connor because we hadnt got to know connor as a person yet. I love connor so much i wouldnt leave him if i didnt feel he would be looked after, I have a large warm family who will take him as his own..i know u think im selfish but im not i would take connor with me if i could so we could all be together as a family but i cant do that to him.its just so hard 2 exlain the only person who would understand and know is alex and hes not here and i need him. rest assured connor will be taken care of by people who love and adore him

The thing is that it is easy to live on too...Connor needs you...you don't bring a child into this world to let other people look after them...how will your folks feel if you end it all..that's more than just Connor's life that you are destroying...suicide is one of the hardest things to deal with...your folks will always ask themselves what they could have done better and will live with the guilt...especially looking at Connor.

You say that Alex will understand...you sure...will he understand why you joined him and left Connor..."No".

It's not easy right now...but it will get better...you know where you will get your strength from....a little 8 week old boy called "Connor"...I have a gorgeous 6 year old Daughter who will be lucky to make 20...she gives me strength...you have a little boy who you can watch grow up, maybe have a family, grand kids...you still have a lot to live for...and please, and I know you must have had loads, check out the things in my pm.

Let KB take your burdens for now