Young death - Donations

[alexm]

Hi,
I went last night without any pills or alcohol. My son slept next to me and I remember waking up in the middle of the night with my arm around him thinking it was alex. it was so hard because alex always put his arms around me as we slept. Of course I know what Alex wanted, he would have wanted me to stay strong, to raise Connor, but he also knows that he was more important than anything to me and me to him. Thats why its so hard but I do love my son so much. Of course I know in a year the pain will be so much less and that makes me sad even more because I dont want the memories of him to fade or to forget the sound of his voice, how his arms felt around me and the stupid things he'd say to make me laugh. I dont want to get through this. I am trying but I'm just not sure if I will make it. I am not thinking irrationally I have thought this through and through. I am also 19 and a half not 16, Alex was 21. I believe I'm alot more mature than people older than me. I have been through alot already, suffered emotional and physical abuse, moved out at 16, and I came out through strong and Alex made me even stronger. So please dont say I am immature Alex and I often agreed we made better parents than alot of people decades older than us. Everyones concern and advice, unwanted or not, has really helped me thank you so much. My memory is not there at the moment, I have no perception of time but my mum said a man called Din came to our house. Thank you for your concern. and thank you all for the donations they will be such a huge huge help in all my moving costs, sadly I will have to give up the home Alex and I shared together, and also just formula, wipes and nappies for Connor. Love to all of you

[Quasi]

Hi,
I went last night without any pills or alcohol. My son slept next to me and I remember waking up in the middle of the night with my arm around him thinking it was alex. it was so hard because alex always put his arms around me as we slept. Of course I know what Alex wanted, he would have wanted me to stay strong, to raise Connor, but he also knows that he was more important than anything to me and me to him. Thats why its so hard but I do love my son so much. Of course I know in a year the pain will be so much less and that makes me sad even more because I dont want the memories of him to fade or to forget the sound of his voice, how his arms felt around me and the stupid things he'd say to make me laugh. I dont want to get through this. I am trying but I'm just not sure if I will make it. I am not thinking irrationally I have thought this through and through. I am also 19 and a half not 16, Alex was 21. I believe I'm alot more mature than people older than me. I have been through alot already, suffered emotional and physical abuse, moved out at 16, and I came out through strong and Alex made me even stronger. So please dont say I am immature Alex and I often agreed we made better parents than alot of people decades older than us. Everyones concern and advice, unwanted or not, has really helped me thank you so much. My memory is not there at the moment, I have no perception of time but my mum said a man called Din came to our house. Thank you for your concern. and thank you all for the donations they will be such a huge huge help in all my moving costs, sadly I will have to give up the home Alex and I shared together, and also just formula, wipes and nappies for Connor. Love to all of you

Hey Anika, - Isnt this KB such a cool place? Most of the time full of guys filled up with testoserone, posturing on about how big their balls are. Yet as soon as a tragedy or crisis comes along, everyone is there to help in whatever way they can. There have been some amazing words of wisdom on here.
You will never forget Alex, you will never forget this pain BUT - in time that pain will become more managable, and in time the memories of Alex will be stronger then the pain and loss, giving you happiness and memeories of the best times of your life. Grieve as long and as hard as you need. It hurts, and its going to hurt for awhile. Like Mystic says, small desicions, one small step at a time. Dont think about anything, but most importantly - just stay with us

[Mschvs]

Please PM me the bank account details. I don't have a lot but I would like to support this cause.

[madbikeboy]

Okay, I banked some money in your account. Use the support being offered.

[Waxxa]

[QUOTE=alexm;1129423634]Hi,
Of course I know in a year the pain will be so much less...

Good morning Anika...this line in your post this morning pleases me no-end. Time will be your healer...

Din, good man and thank you for going around.

There will be more tough times ahead for Anika KBers, wonderful to see intense support from this community

[Genestho]

Hi,
I went last night without any pills or alcohol. My son slept next to me and I remember waking up in the middle of the night with my arm around him thinking it was alex. it was so hard because alex always put his arms around me as we slept.
Of course I know in a year the pain will be so much less and that makes me sad even more because I dont want the memories of him to fade or to forget the sound of his voice, how his arms felt around me and the stupid things he'd say to make me laugh. I dont want to get through this. I am trying but I'm just not sure if I will make it.

YAY! good on you Anika! Good to hear from you (Din I must Bling!)

You won't forget him. I promise. I can't tell you what to do or feel, your grief is your own. And you will deal with it in your own way, regardless of what anyone says.


So I used that time to write stories for my boys, asked friends and family to write stories too, kinda like references. I put in photos of him holding his babies.

I wrote his favourite sayings, nicknames for his boys, and I co-lated pictures of his favourite things. And I wrote lists so I wouldn't forget.

So the blokes know who this guy Dad is as they grow older. I keep a scrap book too.


Also maybe you'll find he is still there with you in spirit. If you believe, he will guide you until you're on your feet.



You have much to look forward to, unbelievable - I know.

I probably can't and shouldn't give you more advice than what you're ready to process.
If you need to talk, give me a yell, as said earlier - day or night. X

You are no good to your family gone! Just get through each day.

[Danae]

You won't ever forget him unless you let yourself forget him.

[NDORFN]

Nothing wrong with formula, wipes and (disposable) nappies. We had to raise our daughter like that and she's intelligent way beyond her age and has the physique of a mini athelete. If you need toys, activities etc... for bubs, don't be afraid to ask.

PS Disposable nappies are really cheap if you buy up when they're on special. The supermarkets kind of rotate the specials around the various brands, reducing the price by about 70%. Also, you can buy in bulk online and save megabucks.

[sharky]

Hi Anika,

Some sound advice from people on here. Please stay strong.
I didn't know Alex personally but the company I work for dealt with his.
I would like make a donation so please PM me your account details. Also I have a couple of young ones too so may have some other bits and pieces (toys, clothes etc) that I could drop up to you at some stage if you wanted - I'm in Torbay so not too far away.
Anything else we can do to help let me know.

Scott 021432775.

[allycatz]

Anika, I have not lost a partner but lost my daughter in an accident when my twins were just a few months old. I was in a daze for several weeks and needed to be reminded to do the simple things, getting up, eating remembering i had a family to care for as well. I know it seems impossible but there will come a time when death will not be the first and last thing on your mind when you wake up and go to sleep..you will learn to put it to one side and get on with life and the first year is going to be your hardest as its a year of first anniversaries and thinking back what you were doing a year ago when Alex was with you. Alex will live on in Connor and will comfort you, like my daughter has always stayed a part of our family through her brothers and sisters. You've been given some awesome advice from KB'ers but I can't stress enough that you must eat....you will think so much clearer, look after that wee baby because he above all else will help you fill your time, your heart and get you through this and give you a reason to keep going....best wishes sweetie, you will get there in time

[Maha]

You doing well Anika, one day at a time.
Heres a song for you and Conner, Ozzy says it best, its a beautiful song.

[Ducky848]

Nothing wrong with formula, wipes and (disposable) nappies. We had to raise our daughter like that and she's intelligent way beyond her age and has the physique of a mini athelete. If you need toys, activities etc... for bubs, don't be afraid to ask.

PS Disposable nappies are really cheap if you buy up when they're on special. The supermarkets kind of rotate the specials around the various brands, reducing the price by about 70%. Also, you can buy in bulk online and save megabucks.

Yup, I've had three of 'em (7,5,2) that went through disposables and wipes.

Anika, I also have HEAPS of baby gear, clothes (some new), almost everything a wee bubs could need which I would be more than happy to send up. Just let me know.

[boman]

Hi,
Of course I know in a year the pain will be so much less and that makes me sad even more because I dont want the memories of him to fade or to forget the sound of his voice, how his arms felt around me and the stupid things he'd say to make me laugh. I

It has been 15 months for me, since my wife was killed. Trust me when I say you do not forget these things. You bask in the glorious memories of what you had. You laugh at photos you laugh at memories and things get easier day after day. The firsts are thye hardest, I won't lie to you, but you come out the other side better for it. Hang tough mate, be there for your son, he is a living memory of your mate Alex, don't let him down and do something you cannot undo. I came real close to what you are talking about. Friends, work, and biking helped me through.

Keep strong.

[bezajel]

Hi, if someone could PM me account details I'll see what I can pull together.

Anika - my sincere condolences. If reading about all this has been enough to make me cry, I can't imagine what it's been like for you to go through. It's really good to see that you're hanging on (even if just barely - take it one tiny step at a time). Keep Alex's memory alive for yourself (and for Connor).

[ukusa]

iF someone could PM me too, I would love to help where I can.

It's nice to think that so many riders care and when it comes to the crunch, they will stick together no matter what they ride. Supporting & helping people like Anika & others who have lost loved ones in tragic accidents can make us all feel better about ourselves. Reading this forum leaves a lump in my throat.

Anika, stay strong. As others have said, the pain will lessen with time, but you will need to grieve, it's all part of the process.