Friday jokes

[5150]

Ok so, around 100 AD...

oh Shit

And I thought you said you had a period.

[YellowDog]

Paddy goes into a Dublin Florist shop and says,
"I would like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend".
The florist looks at him and says, "Certainly Sir, what is it you're after?"
"A fuck ", Paddy replies.

[sidecar bob]

Should I be going into detail about the "collapse" between the Classic and Postclassic periods, or shall we just enjoy a farking giggle

*sigh*

That happened ages ago. We have been running pre '76 in with pre '63 since I started racing.

[Maha]

Latest research say squeezing the breast can not only help prevent breast cancer but also revert the cells to normal. I promised the Mrs I would spend the rest of my days ensuring she avoids breast cancer. She replied as if it was a Tui ad but didn't bring me a beer.

Same with testicular Cancer...just remember not to cough/sneeze or clear ones throat whilst said pills are being squeezed.
You may never find............ever again.

[Stirts]

oh Shit

And I thought you said you had a period.

There's no spam going in my inbox today.

That happened ages ago. We have been running pre '76 in with pre '63 since I started racing.

[DMNTD:Me]

Chortles! Good one for the holiday season

[<G>]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the Pearly Gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the Pearly Gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's knickers.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The Paddy replied, 'These are Carol's.'

[MSTRS:Me]

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. "Something that buzzes and is guaranteed to drive me crazy" she replied. So I bought her a pet mosquito.

[Drew]

What makes nine out of ten people happy?





Gang rape!

[Daffyd]

A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it. what is it?" she asked. "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows what you are thinking."

"I've now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it." "An apple," replied little Ian "No it's an onion, but it shows what you are thinking."

Little scruffy Johnny at the back of the class says "I've got something under my desk that's an inch long, white and it has a red end." "Dirty little boy," said the teacher "No it's a match, but it shows what you are thinking," he answered.

[Daffyd]

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, with a
gun in her hand. As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde
took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled mightily and managed to flip the gator onto its
back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration :

"DAMMIT! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

[Swoop]

I'm sure the plane that just flew past was piloted by a woman.

It had its indicator on for no apparent reason!

[MSTRS:Me]

Pah! More likely to be piloted by some douche from Hawkes Bay....looking for a roundabout to do the opposite of what the indicator says they will do.

[5150]

Atleast they indicated, unlike most other cagers out there

[Akzle]

FUCKSAKE

jokes thread guys.... tits or GTFO.