I don't think my neighbour watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink.
I've been here for an hour and I'm still fixing her fucking sink.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I don't think my neighbour watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink.
I've been here for an hour and I'm still fixing her fucking sink.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Hardcore Punk
If she aint wearing a sexy negligee when you open the door, I would be turning around and heading back to the van.Originally Posted by Swoop
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.Keep an open mind, just dont let your brains fall out.
Forum whore
An hour to fix a bloody sink?? Geez,
" Rule books are for the Guidance of the Wise, and the Obedience of Fools"
They call me Mr Fahrenheit
Dude, it's his neighbour.If she aint wearing a sexy negligee when you open the door, I would be turning around and heading back to the van.
Keep on chooglin'
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I noticed my Jehovah's witness neighbour knocking loudly on his own door today.
I said, "What's wrong? Are you locked out?"
He replied "No, I'm just practicing."
I can see why the royal baby keeps everyone waiting.
If I were inside Kate Middleton, I wouldn't want to come out either!
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Hardcore Punk
He may live on a farm.
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
Enigma
'tart tourmenter
A man goes to confession and says "forgive me father - last night I made love to twins half my age in positions that I think are illegal over and over again".
The priest thinks for a few minutes and replies " buy 7 lemons and squeeze the juice into a glass and then drink it".
"Will this cleanse me of my sin?"
"No but it will wipe that smile off your face!"
Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow aren’t just the 4 cycles of an engine
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Did you know you can't get tapeworms any more?
They're all mp3 worms nowadays.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Has left the building
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy,
beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told
that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos, as she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it
flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest
and bent over to pick it up....
Then all the other bells started to ring...
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Specialising in jokes that soft-cock KB'ers believe is "too soon"...
Brace yourself, ladies.
The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.
So far, four nurses have committed suicide.
Everyone seems to go on and on about Kate Middleton's baby... Is it a boy? Is it a girl?
They're all overlooking the important thing that matters the most:
Kate's tits are going to be huge!
I like everyone else woke up this morning thinking. Is It a girl? Is it a boy?
Nothing to do with the Royal baby though, more to do with a cheap hooker in Thailand.
If the royal baby was an Australian cricketer it would be out by now.
Rumour is that Kate's having a Caesarian. They want the baby to come out through the sunroof as a tribute to its grandmother.
William and Kate have decided not to go with the usual Royal names but instead go with the most popular British name.
So can everybody please be standing for the new Royal baby.... King Mohammed.
I hear Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, can't wait to hold the new royal baby. She's champing at the bit.
Kate has given birth to an 8lb 6oz boy.
Mother and baby are doing well. Vagina is a train wreck.
So the Queen's former Gynaecologist Marcus Setchell has delivered the baby.
I bet he's seen a few royal cunts in his time.
The Royal baby boy is said to be more like Kate than William.
It's got a full head of hair.
In an effort to over shadow her sister's big occasion yet again, Pippa Middleton will present the baby to the world whilst wearing crotchless knickers.
Hoping the Royal Baby is ginger so that Harry & William can fight it out on Jeremy Kyle...
The new royal baby looks really cute in his bonnet.
It's the only piece of his late grandmother's Mercedes they could salvage.
Apparently Prince William is on paternity leave from being a prince. Does that mean he's got a real job and stopped accepting taxpayer handouts for a few weeks?
David Cameron, March 2013: "A situation where a person in receipt of benefits receives a bigger income that those in work is, in my view, just crazy."
David Cameron, April 2013: "Handouts should not be higher than average incomes in homes where someone goes out to work."
David Cameron, July 2013: "Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge following the birth of their first son."
After her engagement, Kate Middleton had to get her ring made smaller. It's ironic that today the opposite is going to happen.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The future Monarch of the UK has probably just shat himself, dribbled a bit, and rolled on the floor.
Good old Charles!
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
L-Plate Rider
Movie Test
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be "Raiders of the
Lost Ark". I was surprised how this worked. Be honest and don't look
at the movie list till you have done the maths!
Try this test and find out what movie is your favourite. This amazing
maths quiz can predict which of 18 films you would enjoy the
most. Don't ask me how, but it really works!
Movie Test:
Pick a number from 1-9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3.
Multiply by 3 again.
Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favourite movie
in the list of 18 movies below.
Movie List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Beverly Hills Cop
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A Goat
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story
They call me Mr Fahrenheit
You must really suck at maths then.
Keep on chooglin'
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
A 54 year old woman had a
heart attack & was taken to the
hospital.
While on the operating table
she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, "Is my
time up ?"
God said, "No, you have another 34
years to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay
in the hospital & have a face-lift,
liposuction, & tummy tuck.
She even changed her hair color Finally
she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home,
she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,
"You said I had another 34 years
to live. Why didn't you save
me from the truck?"
.
.
.
.
God replied:
"I couldn't recognize you!"
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