I used Rohypnol on a fat chick last night.
She was chatting me up at the bar, so I slipped one in her drink and fucked off when she passed out.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I used Rohypnol on a fat chick last night.
She was chatting me up at the bar, so I slipped one in her drink and fucked off when she passed out.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
"I love you babe, you go on and hang up first."
"I love you more snookums, you hang up first. "
"I love you infinity more, now you hang up first my little sweetheart."
GCSB: "For fucks sake, both of you morons, hang the fuck up!"
I was given the job of interviewing Kate Middleton's midwife.
"What colour hair did it have?", I asked.
"None at all, completely bald," she replied.
"Is it cute?"
"It was beautiful, one of the cutest I've ever seen," she added.
I said, "Now lets talk about the baby."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Anarchic Wild Child
A lady walked into a Police Station. The desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"
"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".
"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.
"In the park just down the road" she replied.
"Can you describe what happened?"
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there,
removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".
"Could you give me a description of him?"
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg".
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.
"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".
“That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"
"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Hardcore Punk
Our new rural patrol car
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.Keep an open mind, just dont let your brains fall out.
KB's Chief Cats
its a fkn navara?Originally Posted by unstuck
Our new rural patrol car
Hardcore Punk
No shit sherlock.
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
The instructions are simple...
Prime Minister John Key was getting ready for work one morning when his wife looked at him and said "What is the matter with you? You look terrible". He replied that he felt great.
Then John went to work where his secretary took one look at him and said "What is the matter with you? You look terrible". John replied that there was nothing wrong with him and that he felt great.
Then he went to lunch with Gerry Brownlea and the Minister looked at him and said "What is the matter with you John? You look terrible". He again replied that he felt great. The Minister suggested he go to the doctor right away because he looked so bad.
John went to the doctor, and when the doctor walked into the examining room and saw him the doctor said "My God, you look terrible". John explained that everyone was telling him that he looked terrible but that he felt great. The doctor said "Are you sure you feel great?" John reiterated that he definitely felt great!
The doctor got out his medical book and looked up "looks terrible". After he found that he looked up the subsection "feels great".
The doctor said "I found it right here under 'looks terrible, feels great'. John, at this point very nervous, inquired of the doctor "Tell me... what is it?" The doctor replied "According to my book... you're a cunt!"
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
KB's Chief Cats
The Big Game Hunter walked
into the bar and bragged to
everyone about his skills as a
hunter. The man was
undoubtedly a good shot and
no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could
blindfold him and he would
recognize any animal's skin
from its feel. Also if he could
locate the bullet hole he would
even tell them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it. This
was a bit too much for the
other customers, and soon a
heated argument was going
on. Then the hunter said that
he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks,
and the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully
and took him to his first
animal skin. After feeling it
for a few moments, he
announced. "Springbok". Then
he felt for the bullet hole and declared. "And shot with
a .308" riffle". The others could
not believe it (he was right of
course) and the argument was
even hotter than before. When someone started to
suggest that he must have
peeped, he said that he was
prepared to do it again. He
would put up all the drinks
they had bought before against them buying another
round for him. So they blindfolded him again,
very thoroughly this time, and
they brought a skin that
someone happened to have in
the boot of his car. He took a
bit longer this time and then said. "Kalahari Lion" and
fingering the bullet hole, said
"and the rifle was a .416" and
he was right again. This of course was like
throwing fat on the fire, and
he had to prove his skills, over
and over again, every time
against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home,
stoned out of his mind, and
went to sleep. The next morning he got up
and saw in the mirror that he
had one hell of a shiner. So he
said to his wife. –Listen I
know I was drunk last night,
but not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that
bar. So where did I get this
black eye?". His wife replied angrily. "From
me, of course.", "But what did
I do?” he asked. She replied
"You got into bed and put your
hand down inside my panties.
Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a loud
triumphant tone: "Skunk,
killed with an axe".
KB's Chief Cats
Lotto A man runs home one evening
and bursts into the house
yelling, "Pack your bags
sweetheart I've just won the
lottery, all six numbers. Can you believe it!?" She says,
"Oh brilliant! Should I pack for
the beach or the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care . . . just
fuck off!"
Hardcore Punk
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
Scooter boy
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy,
“How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said,
“I make $400 a week. Why?”
The CEO said,
“Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
“Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said,
“Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”
Argo Solvo Interio Putus
Scooter boy
When John and Mary first got married John said, “I am a sex addict and I’m putting a box under the bed to help control my addiction. You must promise never to look in it.”
In all their 30 years of marriage Mary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents.
That evening they were out for a special Anniversary dinner. After dinner Mary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”
John thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
Mary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However since you are addicted to sex, I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”
John thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Mary asked John, so why do you have all that money in the box?
John answered; “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash.”
Argo Solvo Interio Putus
Hardcore Punk
Cow azaki......
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
If you rearrange the letters in the words "Faith" and "Religion", you can make the word "Microwave."
No, don't test it or question it, just believe me.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Anarchic Wild Child
Proof that Men Have Better Friends.
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best Friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
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