I got pulled over by the police today and the officer said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
I replied, "Obviously not fast enough."
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I got pulled over by the police today and the officer said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
I replied, "Obviously not fast enough."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Scooter boy
Now that the GSCB Bill has passed, why don't we all sign up:
http://getprsm.com/
Thread Killer
No its the Bob McCoskrie bit.Originally Posted by Marmoot
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
"I would like to be treated as a woman" - Pte Bradley Manning
Not the exact words I would be using before being locked in a building with hundreds of rapists for 35 years...
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
'tart tourmenter
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
To which he responded: 'I found the remote.
Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow aren’t just the 4 cycles of an engine
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
My wife phoned me and said "I'm so excited, I just tried on my wedding dress and after 10 years it still fits."
"Of course it fits," I replied "You were 9 months pregnant when we were married."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Grumpy Old Bastard
Oooooooooch!
. “No pleasure is worth giving up for two more years in a rest home.” Kingsley Amis
Anarchic Wild Child
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off of."
The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
The third guy says, "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning -- intercourse or golf course--'
She said, “Don’t forget your sweater.”
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Meow
Two Billy goats were wandering around Hollywood looking for something to eat when they came across a tin containing an old film reel. One said to the other , "look an old movie", the other replied " let's have some" . And they preceded to take turns chewing up and eating the entire film reel.
The first goat says to the other "how did you like the movie"...
The second goat replied "I think I liked the book better".
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
They call me Mr Fahrenheit
Proceeded +10
Keep on chooglin'
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I bought a bottle of wine today and the label on the back read, 'Usually drunk with pizza.'
I thought, "What a coincidence, so am I!"
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The two policemen sat opposite me, "We think you might be able to help with us our enquires."
"I've done nothing wrong!" I protested.
"We don't suspect you of anything. You just look cleverer than we are."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
My mother was a prostitute and I never met my father.
Because of this I was a loner at school and even as an adult I've never had any close friends.
The only woman that would ever go out with me was my own cousin, and I ended up marrying the miserable bitch.
Many people would use all this as an excuse for being a failure in life, but it all helped me get to the top of my chosen profession.
I've just won "Traffic Warden of the Year."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
God's Evil Twin
NZ legal system
Science Is But An Organized System Of Ignorance"Pornography: The thing with billions of views that nobody watches" - WhiteManBehindADesk
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