Friday jokes

[Banditbandit]

A father goes into his daughter’s bedroom and sees a letter addressed to “Mum and Dad” on the bed. With a heavy heart he opens it and reads:




Dear Mum & Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m telling you that I’ve eloped with my new boyfriend. I’ve found real love and he is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos and his stolen Harley.

But it’s not only that, I’m pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his caravan in Epping Forest. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s one of my dreams too.

I’ve learned that marijuana does not hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and Ahmed’s friends. They’re the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want.

In the meantime we’ll pray for science to find a cure for AIDS, so Ahmed can get better. He deserves it.

Don’t worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn £200 per scene. I get a £200 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene and an extra £100 for the Alsatian.

Don’t worry Mum. Now I’m 14 I know how to take care of myself. Someday we’ll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Dad, found the cash you were hiding from mum, but don't worry we left you a few quid.

Your loving daughter,

Angelina.

P.S Dad. For God's sake calm down. It’s not true.

I’m actually watching TV at the neighbours.

I just wanted to show you that there really are worse things in life than England losing the Ashes 5 nil to the Aussies.

[Juniper]

Jeez Girl - between 9.48 and 10.03 you posted eight jokes ???

Why don't you and Husaberg get a room, relieve your frustrations .. and stop taking up KBer server space ...

Saying you don't like my twisted sense of humour?

[unstuck]

Saying you don't like my twisted sense of humour?

Keep up the good work Juniper.

[bogan]

Saying you don't like my twisted sense of humour?

Bufoonbufoon is just jealous of your funny jokes, pay him no mind.

[Laava]

Jeez Girl - between 9.48 and 10.03 you posted eight jokes ???

Why don't you and Husaberg get a room, relieve your frustrations .. and stop taking up KBer server space ...

Is 15min gonna be enough?

[Stirts]

Is 15min gonna be enough?

14mins.35secs to get past the 'playin' hard to get ... plenty many for him!

[Geeen]

Is 15min gonna be enough?

Depends if Husaberg brings them thar chickens......

[ellipsis]

A broadcaster speaking in Auckland, says, "I am truly perplexed that
so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in
Auckland. I think it should be the goal of every NZ'er to be tolerant
regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be
allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to
the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We
could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ",
and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and
adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called "Iraq o'
Ribs."
Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps
Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.

Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy
shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the
other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."

All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they
demand of us, so their mosque issue would not be a problem for
others."

[Banditbandit]

Saying you don't like my twisted sense of humour?

Not at all .. it just looks like you have no real life ...

[Stirts]

in an effort to promote tolerance.

We Muslims do not rise to your bait.
We are a proud, noble, godly, kind, compassionate, gentle, plane hijacking, loving, friendly, bus bombing, caring, affectionate, train bombing, tolerant, graceful, woman hating, peaceful, spiritual, infidel burning, welcoming and warm people.

I kill you.

[Juniper]

Not at all .. it just looks like you have no real life ...

Eh its called currently job hunting and have KB and source of jokes on this thingy called a smart phone.

And how is spending 15min posting jokes not a life?

[bogan]

And how is spending 15min posting jokes not a life?

I'd be more concerned about the guy who a) noticed how long it took for you to post them and b) made assumptions based on how you spend a 96th of your day then c) took the time to point all this out

[Akzle]

I'd be more concerned about the guy who a) noticed how long it took for you to post them and b) made assumptions based on how you spend a 96th of your day then c) took the time to point all this out

theoretical mathematics is more fun. you can just make shit up.

[Robbo]

Saying you don't like my twisted sense of humour?

Love your jokes Juniper, keep up the good work.

Cheers

[husaberg]

Jeez Girl - between 9.48 and 10.03 you posted eight jokes ???

Why don't you and Husaberg get a room, relieve your frustrations .. and stop taking up KBer server space ...

I think you don't understand the subtle differences between Right click of the mouse and Double clicking Junipers mouse.
We enjoy a friendly repartee a bit of a giggle not a bit of slap and tickle.

Is 15min gonna be enough?

WTF do you seriously expect me to do it 5 times ok maybe six

14mins.35secs to get past the 'playin' hard to get ... plenty many for him!

(A pic of a Hot chick was here just saying)

Shorty....no tails out of school..please...everyone knows I was just a little shy then, (same as now) and you were (i guess a bit forward is a polite term) and had that whole Catholic school girl thing going on,with the pleats,and knee socks and pigtails with the sparkly hair ties.... you'd be lucky i lasted the time it took you to take your shoes off.........
Anyway you used to think being shy was kinda cute......
(Notice how i said Please)

Depends if Husaberg brings them thar chickens......

As if the chicken's would even ever be optional

Eh its called currently job hunting and have KB and source of jokes on this thingy called a smart phone.
And how is spending 15min posting jokes not a life?

Not at all .. it just looks like you have no real life ...

When she posts the jokes Mosses,even though its on a tablet (or Smartphone), she ain't carving them out into stone like you used too
It takes literally seconds to post a joke. So Gee its a joke thread, i like Junipers jokes.

I'd be more concerned about the guy who a) noticed how long it took for you to post them and b) made assumptions based on how you spend a 96th of your day then c) took the time to point all this out

If he really wants to find out how Juniper spends her day he can just read her diary like i do........she keeps it next to her pistol
I enjoy Junipers jokes (esp the sick twisted ones), Actually I f-ing enjoy her humour....Shame she has a Kawasaki.......
I think i said i like her about 4 times there btw.......if ya counting