Friday jokes

[gjm]

[Swoop]

I saw my wife taking a selfie with no make up on.

I asked, "What are you doing?"

She said, "I'm doing it for people with cancer."

I replied, "I think they're sick enough already."

[Robbo]

Oscar Pistorious Jokes...



I see what Pistorius is doing. He is going to jail for 25 years and when he gets released… Bam! President of South Africa.
That’s how it works over there, right?


When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able-bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?


First Tiger Woods, then Lance Armstrong, and now Oscar Pistorius. I think Nike should start telling their athletes ” Just Don’t Do It.”


Hollywood are doing his life story; it’s now going to be called “ Blade Gunner.”



His lawyer’s got a hard job ahead of him. Realistically, it looks like Pistorius hasn’t got a leg to stand on.



Oscar clearly misunderstood when his girlfriend told him that on Valentine’s Day he had to take her out.



Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty due to temporary diminished responsibility. He claims he was legless at the time of the incident.


Whatever happens in court, he still has a career. The SAOC say he’s a front runner at the next Olympics for pistol shooting.


Police reconstruction indicates that Pistorius lost it when, for his Valentine’s Day gift, his girlfriend gave him a pair of socks.


New Valentine’s Day card: “Roses are red, violets are glorious. Never creep up On Oscar Pistorius.”


Too many Oscar Pistorius jokes already. Trying to come up with a new one is like taking a shot in the dark.


Looks like he has an expensive lawyer. I hope he can foot the bill.


And the Oscar goes to …………………… Jail !!


New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend’s murder……………. Footprints!


She didn’t notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the "silence of the limbs".


If found guilty he’s gonna have to take it on the shin.


And finally,


Anyone making jokes about Oscar Pistorius is just prosthetic!

[gjm]

I met this ugly Russian girl on Twitter.

I call her Tash hag.

[gjm]

[gjm]

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was: Where do women have the curliest hair?

Fiji was the correct answer...

[kevfromcoro]

The Irish have found a way to beat the fuel crisis.

They imported 50 million tons of sand off the arabs

They are going to drill for there own oil.

[pzkpfw]

The Irish have found a way to beat the fuel crisis.

They imported 50 million tons of sand off the arabs

They are going to drill for there own oil.

Can they spell "their"?

[YellowDog]

" It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you
realise that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence."

[Geeen]

..............

[roogazza]

[Stirts]

Oranges can be either male or female...

The males sometimes unexpectedly squirt in your eye.

The females are bitter for no apparent reason.

[Big Dog]

Can they spell "their"?

Or they're.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Stirts]

Of course homosexuality is a type of mental illness.

Why else would they have fought so hard for the right to get married?

[gwigs]

Go Kim Dot Com