Friday jokes

[husaberg]

pppppppppppppppppppppp

[Swoop]

Gay marriage legalised in England and Wales.

For those of you confused about the idea, it's like normal marriage but with blowjobs, anal and fewer arguments about who left the toilet seat up.

[gjm]

[roogazza]

[gjm]

[gjm]

[gjm]

OK - I know it's not Friday. And this probably isn't entirely fair, but it made me smile:

[unstuck]

WTF.......Some of these are wrong in so many ways.....http://sftimes.co/?id=413&src=share_fb_new_413

[Banditbandit]

A woman went into a bar in Newfoundland and saw a Mountie with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

She asked him if was true what they say about men with big feet.

The Mountie grinned and said, "Sure is, little lady. Why don't you come over to the barracks and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, Well, thanks, ma'am. I'm real flattered. nobody ever paid me for my services before."

She told him, "Don't be flattered...take the money and buy yourself boots that fit.

[Banditbandit]

This cute little five-year-old girl walks into the pet shop, goes to counter, peers over the top and says: "Mista, do you sell bunny rabbits?"

The shop owner comes out from behind the counter, crouches down and asks her: "Do you want a silky smooth black bunny rabbit, or do you want a really fluffy furry white bunny rabbit?"

The little one looks at him, blinks her eyes, and replies "Mista; I don't think my python gives a fuck !"

[Banditbandit]

[Banditbandit]

[Stirts]

Peaches Geldof has died.

Now Bob really doesn't like Mondays!

[anebv8]

One day the chicken & horse were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, the chicken searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping there was still time to save the horse's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised but happy to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's motorcycle, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and as the chicken began to sink, the horse heard the cry, 'Save me!'

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-dong thing and he would then lift the chicken out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled up and out, saving the chicken's life.

The moral of the story?

(Yep. You betcha. There is a moral!)

'When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.'

[Robbo]

Kids....Don't ya just love them.