Friday jokes

[slofox]

I thought this pretty funny.

Me too...

[anebv8]

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

[_Shrek_]

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday...I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "You're bullshitting me, right? You don't even know the way to the Post Office!”

[roogazza]

[YellowDog]

According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Palestine.




A country where people are called Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Youssouf, Mouloud, etc.




And yet He managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon ...... who all drank wine!!



Now that's what I call a miracle!!!

[unstuck]

According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Palestine.




A country where people are called Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Youssouf, Mouloud, etc.




And yet He managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon ...... who all drank wine!!



Now that's what I call a miracle!!!

And he is depicted as being a white dude, kinda makes you think someone has been telling porkys aye.

[Swoop]

Mohammed spent a lot of time up mountains, slaying goats and raping children,

Jesus spent a lot of time around the docks and managed to feed the 5000 on fish.

And that, people, is the difference between gross prophet and net prophet.

[Scuba_Steve]

And he is depicted as being a white dude, kinda makes you think someone has been telling porkys aye.

Yea Everyone knows he was Yellow

[unstuck]

I would have thought more of a "coffee " color.

[Scuba_Steve]

I would have thought more of a "coffee " color.

Depends on the lighting really

[unstuck]

Depends on the lighting really

True that.

[Daffyd]

And he was nearly always portrayed as an effeminate person. He was a carpenter, FFS!

[unstuck]

And he was nearly always portrayed as an effeminate person. He was a carpenter, FFS!

Hey, there are lots of gay carpenters around.

Here's a joke for you...............NZ politics.

[Robbo]

J.C. the carpenter and member of Master Builders.

[Robbo]

Police have removed a large amount of material from a house belonging to Cliff Richard.

Fingers crossed it's just child porn and not new music.