Friday jokes

[roogazza]

[caseye]

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

A little boy and a little girl attended
the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat
their lunch. They discovered that
they both brought chicken sandwiches every
day!
This went on all through the fourth and
fifth grades, until one day he
noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken
sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating
chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop
eating it."

"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm
starting to grow little feathers down
there!"
"Let me see" he said.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You
are! Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches
until one day he brought peanut butter.
He said to the little girl, "I have to
stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm
starting to get feathers down there too!"
She asked if she could look, so he pulled
down his pants for her.




She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for
you! You've already got the neck and the
gizzards!!!

[gjm]

An older gentleman, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night .

He replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The gentleman replied, "That would be my wife."

[unstuck]

[eldog]

jealous?..

[unstuck]

jealous?..

Nope.


One for Ed.........

[unstuck]

[Swoop]

"I'm sorry but I've had a better offer." I said to a stunning blonde in the bar.

"I ask you to buy me cocktails, take me home in a taxi and fuck me? What could be better than that?" she asked.

"See that fat girl over there?" I said. "She just wants a packet of crisps and lives round the corner."

[unstuck]

New police cars in Clutha scummy?

[unstuck]

We have new ones in Gore too.

[Swoop]

Three women have been arrested for causing a disturbance during the fifty shades film Premiere, in Glasgow.

Police say the woman were very disappointed to find out that the 50 Shades of Grey feature, turned out to be the regional weather forecast for Scotland.

[Swoop]

A husband and his wife went to the Doctor. The Doctor took the husband in first.

The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.

He checked his blood pressure and other things, and finally told him he would see his wife now.

He took her to another cubicle and told her to completely disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

She did as instructed.

He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction.

Then he said - OK you can get dressed now, I will talk to your husband.

Then the Doctor went into the other office and told the husband - You can relax. There is nothing wrong with you.

I couldn't get an erection either!!

[Banditbandit]

Barak Obama and David Cameron are sititing in the coffee shop when in walks John Key.

Key walks up and says "I didn't expect to see you here." He shakes their hands and tells them how excited he is to see them. "What are you two discussing?"

Obama says: "Well, we are planning WWIII - we are going to kill 140 million Muslims and a Blonde with big tits"

"A blonde with big tits? Why are you going to kill a blonde with big tits?" Key asks.

Obama turns to David Cameron and says "See, I told you no-one would care about 140 million Muslims."

[Tazz]

http://www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/new...Tower-Junction

[husaberg]

http://www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/new...Tower-Junction

Thats reads like an ad for Tower Junction
mentioned at least 6 times ffs