Hardcore Biker
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... They are bound to be curious about Sex at that age."
"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.
Forum whore
So the Porsche driver parks in the handicapped spot. Meter maid approaches him, says "sir, this space is reserved for the handicapped".
Porsche driver: "I know, I am handicapped".
Meter maid: "Sir, what exactly is your handicap?"
Porsche driver: "TOURETTES, YOU CUNT!"
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
After you've dumped your load in a washing machine it doesn't follow you around!
Hardcore Biker
Wainuiomata police have busted a P lab behind the local library containing drugs and cash.
The Dominion Post interviewed a local resident who said "The community has been taken by surprise by this. Nobody even knew we have a library".
Learn basic maintenance as motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking in
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Africa: 'We have no water, please send $10 a month'
Pakistan: 'Fuck we're drowning, please send $10 a month'
How about you two get your fucking heads together and sort it between ya?
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Why is it that skinny girls think that they're a bit chubby?
Curvy girls think that they're fat?
Fat girls think that they're obese?
And obese girls think they're fucking supermodels?
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
If I understand it correctly, Osama Bin Laden's two main achievements so far have been to reduce airline prices and to stop Americans leaving their country and clogging up ours.
So what exactly were we bombing him for? We should give him a fucking knighthood.
It's a shame my wife isn't trapped down that mine with those Chilean miners.
They'd have fucking dug themselves out by now.
My wife treats me like a god...
She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Weekend cruiser
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
A Greek and a Scotsman were sitting in a cafe discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon " and arched his eyebrows.
The Scotsman then replies '"Well ... it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
The Greek retorts 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Scotsman, nodding in agreement says, "Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars."
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!"
The Scotsman replies "Aye that is true but it was we Scots who introduced it to the women!"
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Anarchic Wild Child
A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had toast. 'T-O-A-S-T'...
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had Fuck all', he says, 'F-U-C-K A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.
Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada . Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.
That's why I got Fuck all for breakfast'.
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Sports news just in...
Australia have beaten Pakistan by 5 wickets next Thursday.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Forum whore
Originally Posted by Swoop
You don't get to be an old dog without learning a few tricks.
Shorai Powersports batteries are very trick!
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I feel sorry for the McCanns.
Maddie being The Stig was their last hope.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Weekend cruiser
So not funny!!
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
This is a jokes thread. I was going to post it into the "stig revealed" thread, but knew that people would be unhappy with it there.So not funny!!
Just glad I didn't post the really offensive Maddie jokes...
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
The instructions are simple...
Go on. You know you want to...
Put 'em in the 'offensive jokes thread' tho.
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
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