BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
Hardcore Biker
Hardcore Punk
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.Keep an open mind, just dont let your brains fall out.
Meow
Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Please send this on to any Canadian (or others) who you think will enjoy it.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business.” I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "One popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name..."
"Tonto," the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Hardcore Biker
Maybe this is what is planned to replace Campbell Live...?
Not sure if this can be in here, or should be in the LOA. There's nothing to actually see, but perhaps not really safe for work...? (Hence no embedded video!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSnThV26lEE
Motherfucker Of The Year !!!
Selfie stick level 199
https://scontent-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hp...5e&oe=5597A2C8
I've spent my money on bikes, booze and babes. The rest I've wasted....
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The sex life's not been great recently so the wife's bought a dildo to spice it up a bit.
She says, "It's shaped like a carrot!" which is a ironic really, because her fanny looks like a donkey yawning.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
They call me Mr Fahrenheit
Wife jokes, and a bunch of others: Rodney Dangerfield
https://www.facebook.com/tawanna.mar...5574591837288/
Keep on chooglin'
They call me Mr Fahrenheit
Keep on chooglin'
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
BBC News: "Being obese can cut your risk of dementia".
Let's rephrase that to:
"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept".
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.
At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions. Little Sasha puts her hand up and says "I have two questions. Why did the Russians take Crimea ? And why are we sending troops to Ukraine ?"
Putin says "Good questions..." But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go to lunch.
When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions, another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says
"I have four questions. My Questions are - Why did the Russians invade Crimea ? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine ? Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? And Where is Sasha?"
Zombies Are Just Misunderstood
One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her Pussycat.
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her.
My husband, [the complainer] said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks."
My husband and my vet don't like each other. He calls my husband El-cheap-O. My husband calls him El-Take-0. They love to hate each other.
Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.
A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband, "Your wife's pussy is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!"
And he closed the door.
Hardcore Punk
Sunday Morning Sex
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
Forum whore
Why did they post that?? Guy can't sing for shitOriginally Posted by gjm
" Rule books are for the Guidance of the Wise, and the Obedience of Fools"
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